Oh, sweetie, I so totally know how you feel. Wiz wasn't as rigid to rules, mostly because he knew the rules as written but saw that they were NOT enforced that way. Like most aspies and people with autistic spectrum disorders, he figured out rules that made sense to him, then was upset when the world didn't follow them. Many were based on extremely biased teachers doing things that were just plain wrong and prejudiced.
in my opinion you are right that the psychiatrist is awful. We met a few. Has your child's pediatrician or family care doctor done a referral to Children's? If nothing else, call them every week or so. We got in because I cried. Not on purpose, but the scheduler person was about the tenth I had talked to, Wiz had just almost sent Jessie back to the hospital by kicking her in the area where she had just had surgery (for something unrelated) and I couldn't help it. Tell them about the violence. Let them know how upset you are. Get the pediatrician to do a referral to them, and push him to make them think it is urgent. It may move you up on the waiting list.
If nothing else, why not take him tot he ER and get a psychiatric hold next time he rages? It will show him that there are big consequences for raging, and let the docs know how serious it is. You will get the evaluation faster than any other way, plus they will spend more time with him and likely do more tests. Remember that you get flies with honey, and be friendly to the nurses and scheduling people at every doctor's office. Make them your allies.
You can call a private occupational therapist, and get your pediatrician to do a referral. in my opinion that is going to be a HUGE HUGE HUGE help. The tactile defensiveness and many other things are sensory issues. Read The Out of Sync Child by Kranowitz, also The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, same author. get the private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation because it will show how the issues impact his entire life. Schools DO have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s, but a private Occupational Therapist (OT) has a lot more time. There are a LOT of ways to help sensory issues. I know, I have them myself and all of my kids do. My youngest has a diagnosis of sensory integration disorder, aka sensory processing disorder. IT looked a LOT like aspergers, and I think if we had known about it when Wiz was 2 or 3 we might have circumvented a LOT of problems with the brushing therapy and the right sensory diet. We didn't, but he is doing very well now (there really is hope - if I thought 6 yrs ago that the best I could hope for was to keep us all alive and relatively unmaimed and Wiz out of prison, and now Wiz is in his sophomore year of college with a 4.0 and a lot of really great friends, well, there is hope for ANYONE.)
Tactile defensiveness is usually NOT understood at school. I would tackle that asap with the school, insisting that your son be at the end of the line or not in positions to be brushed against if at all possible, that teachers NOT touch him if they can avoid it, etc... It is hard for teachers, because they like to give gently pats on the head or shoulder, hugs, etc.... But for your son, this is incredibly upsetting and honestly, a light pat that he doesn't expect may be as hard for him to handle as if they punched him. Not an exaggeration - his body perceives them similarly. Or that is how Wiz explained it to me a year or two ago. With family he knew what to expect, and if he didn't watn to be touched it wasn't a problem at home. but at school, other kids think it is funny to watch them react, and teachers normally give reassuring pats to kids with-o thinking of it. Another member here, who has fairly extreme tactile defensiveness first explained it. She isn't here much, but was invaluable at helping me figure out what was going on with some of this stuff. Now that Wiz is older, and has developed coping skills and uses them, he has also helped me understand. I still don't pat him or hug him with-o asking. in my opinion it is pretty much the same as hitting him because that is how it feels TO HIM.
What helped me with my kids, and what many people forget, is what is important in communication. When we talk, and touch, we are communicating. When tryign to communicate something, the most important part of the process is what the audience perceives. NOT what you mean to say, but what they grasp from what you say and do. I learned it in a college class, and it sort of stuck in my mind at times with Wiz. The big problem we had, and what your son is going through, is that he is getting VERY different messages than what the teachers, students, parents, etc.... are meaning to send. You have to figure out his language, and use that. If he only spoke russian, nothing you said in english would make sense. That is what is going on with the tactile defensiveness. Others mean to give comfort or reassurance and he perceives a threat or being hurt. Maybe explaining it that way would help at school. Id didn't when Wiz was in grades 1-2, but most of that was because of adult issues that shoudl NEVER have entered the classroom, NOT because of what he did or said. After that? it took me 2 years of weekly therapy, homeschooling (the first year we spent in appointments - almost NO real bookwork, but we were lucky and he was already very advanced academically - mostly because he was curious and a bookworm.)
Take a list of thngs you want, Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation, neuropsychologist evaluation (usually they work with the neurology dept at hospitals, check at childrens. They might be with the psychiatry or psychology dept, but I have always found them with neurologists). Also get him evaluated for seizures. There are a TON of different types of seizures, and the behaviors they cause do NOT have to be the type of seizures you think of. Years ago they did a sleep deprived EEG before they put anyone with adhd on medication. Now? you have to push. It is worth it. Teachers were positive that my Jess had inattentive adhd. So was my mom. I insisted on the EEg before I would put her on medications. Got called to the neurologist's office for results - which usually means they found something, at least here. She has absence epilepsy. Her brain sort of turns off, but she looks fine. Usually to most people she looks like she is paying attention - but she was having so many seizures that she was missing about HALF of the time. Now she has more issues, and we are pursuing other neuro issues. But then? that was it. She now calls it "short days" - the days go by really fast and often something is going on and she has NO idea how it started. Medications, when they are working, stop the "missing tme" that she perceives and her life is much fuller. Seizures can cause almost ANY behavior, depending on what part of the brain they happen in. Heck, I once had a boss who's heart would race. Started in his 50's. He learned it was NOT a heart problem, or caused by the normal nerve issues that cause it. It was caused by seizures and stopped with seizure medications and not cardiac medications.
I think I mentioned a Parent Report in an earlier post on this thread. If I didn't, follow the link n my signature - it will explain it and help you create one. in my opinion it is the MOST powerful tool to have to help your child. If you start NOW, before you have the evaluations done, you will just add them in and revise as needed.
Send a letter askign for an IEP evaluation to the school.
Call the pediatrician for referrals to all the types of docs/therapists that we have mentioned.
GEt on waiting lists for the children's hospital.
Prepare yourself to take difficult child to the hospital at his next rage (if he is too violent to drive with him safely, call 911 for transport of a mentally ill child to the hospital. Safety has to be top priority.) (by the way, many of our kids do very well in the hospital, likely because the routine. It is hard on US esp, but will be worth it if it gets the help he needs.)
Start a Parent Report. Keep checking with the doctor about the referrals.
Read read read. Get all the books we mentioned, try the library first, also check used book sites like
www.abebooks.net and amazon (when you pull up a title it will say from X price new, Y price used. click on those links and you can get them fairly cheaply, often for far less than the regular price, even after shipping)