I was feeling hopeless...now I am just furious...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Jan 31, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I had to call the police and report Difficult Child as a runaway. This is the second time in two weeks. She actually kept in touch by FB messenger and would keep telling me she was walking home...she was getting a ride...she wanted a ride...etc...etc...etc...

    I played detective today and found "the guy". A female friend said she dropped her off at his house about midnight... I called the police about 5am. Difficult Child is still refusing to come home...or tell me where she is.

    I have heard things that makes me believe they are both using harder drugs...maybe injecting...

    I have been up for about 36 hours.


  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Oh god. My prayers are with you
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She still is not home. I have had a few texts and a vague...I will be home soon... But that's what she did for 10/12 hours all night. She knows the odds are good that she might be taken to intake. They didn't keep her long two weeks ago...so I know they won't keep her very long.

    My son said... Give her til 9 pm then text her we are going to bed and lock up. I know we need to do that. Poor husband can barely stay awake after working today.

  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis


    I hear your exhaustion. She needs to go somewhere, your home she is only tearing apart. She doesnt seem to want help...but she is young, yes? I would push intake...or put her in a long term rehab for teens.

    Your battle has been long...and she just keeps playing her games. The drugs are scary and you need to know her use.

    Hugs for you
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    ksm. I agree with mof. If you think she could well be injecting drugs, she needs to be in a residential treatment setting now, while you still have the power to get her there. Is the guy 18 or over? If so, you have leverage there, I would think.

    If it were me I think I would bring all of the power of the law onto her to the extent you can. I would work with the school district, too, to get her under as much control as is possible.

    If you cannot rein her in is there the possibility of a behavioral foster home placement combined with outpatient treatment, where she will be reined in?

    I cannot believe that social services/child protective services/probation would leave you to handle this alone when she is at such risk. She is truant. Most likely injecting drugs. Is she selling them? I would go to every public agency I could find and I would record them saying no to you. I would go to my congressperson and I would squawk.

    I am so sorry this is going on and on. Nobody could do better than are you. Nobody.
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Still not home...last night she texted that she is staying with female friends and is safe. To be honest, I am even skeptical of that statement. Earlier yesterday she texted an angry message of why would I and the cops tell "Connor" that he can't talk to her. I honestly did not tell him that (but thought it). I went to his parents home and he was outside smoking. He offered to let me search their home. I declined. He was very vague about knowing where she was. He seemed like he was hung over...

    He gave me another guy's name. I went to his house, and he was a little more open and helpful. He also invited me to search his place, also declined. But he gave me the name of a female friend.

    I went to where she was staying, and she wasn't there, but a guy said he would have her contact me. She did, and said My daughter was with her until midnight, she drove her to our house, then daughter said to drop her off at Connors.

    I went back to Connors, but he still wouldn't even confirm she was there. I went home and contacted the police and gave them his name and address. They must have visited him.

    A different female friend said she knew that Connor was using hard drugs and has seen track marks on his arm...

    Tomorrow a person from a privatized foster care organization is coming to talk to us. This organization also does family preservation. The DCF staff has already interviewed us and felt she would be better off at home than foster care. She said she used to work for foster care organization, and didn't walk daughter in one of the possible placements there.

    And unlike Canada, I can't kick her out of our home without serious repercussions. Heck, I couldn't even leave her in juvenile detention without being threatened with child abandonment.

    On a better note, I did sleep for 7 hours last night.

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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    KSM...keep sleeping seven hours a night and try to do your best for her while realizing you can only do so much.

    Age 18 will come soon enough and you will have more options. I have been here seeing the blood, sweat and tears you put into your children. You are truly an over the top champ. If they don't take advantage of your love and help, you can never say it was your fault. It is theirs.

    I hope you do all you can to live a good life even with all this crapola going on. You deserve peace, fun, and love. And you have us...we are with you every step of the way
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So sorry you are going through this. I tend to agree with everyone else, get the police involved every time she does this. You need to reach out for help in any way that you can get it and I wouldn't be afraid to do that!

    And you and your husband need to take care of yourselves also. So hard when they are minors. I know because we had to wait it out too.

    Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child is home. I notified police. They are going to skip the intake process. We have an apt with DCF in an hour.

    She is taking a shower... A friend saw her walking and gave her a ride.

    Crossing my fingers... Court next week.

  10. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Good luck Ksm....remember your the adult, and anything that comes out her mouth , well, is a lie.

    crossing all fingers and toes
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    ksm. Are these guys 18 or over? Can they not be reported/arrested for child endangerment and/or child abuse/statutory rape? Let them prove that they are not sexually compromising her.

    A male of 18 cannot legally have sexual contact of any sort with a girl your daughter's age. Make life hard for them!

    To the extent you can, you will help your daughter begin to see that she is bringing danger to herself and her associates and that she cannot keep on. Call the cops on everybody! That is what I say.

    You are holding strong. I admire you greatly.
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  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    When she was 14 and had consensual sex with a 16 year old (boyfriend from hell) I went to the police, they sent me to the sexual assault office, and there I was told that daughter had to come in and sign a form naming the perpetrator. Then the police would issue a no contact order against the guy, but there was nothing that would prevent her from contacting him!

    First of all she wouldn't sign anything...she was in LOVE... Second, even if she did, she could change her mind and there would be no repercussion.

    In our state, the age of consent is 16. I don't think there is anything that would legally keep her from the guys or vice versa. When she was 15 and he was 18 the police wouldn't do anything. The only thing that worked, at least for a while, was his probation officer made it a condition of his probation to not have contact with her, as he was helping her skip school to be with him. They said I couldn't do anything about the sex, but if he gave her drugs, or encouraged her to sneak out at night, then it was for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

    Believe me, and have tried. Now, she realizes that it was wrong to be sexually active at 14. And that he manipulated her in to doing it... He used her vulnerability against her and tried (and did) turn her against us.

  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    KSM. I know you are doing everything, and then doing it again a dozen times over.

    Sometimes this is all we have. We model to our children what it is to fight for love, just because. We can hope to have an effect but sometimes, trying, the valiant trying, is all there is. You are modeling this for her and for all of us.

    Thank you.
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  14. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Has your daughter been in class? You'll probably get a letter from the school informing you of the truancy, especially if she misses more than ten days. The guidance counselor will request a meeting and you will be asked to explain your daughter's absences. The school will take into consideration your suspicions of drug addiction and may order her into rehab. Or, she might have to appear in juvenile court and the judge will order her into rehab. If she's injecting and won't go to rehab of her own accord, court-ordered rehab might be a good thing. The school will tell you to meet with a social worker, for which you've already made arrangements. Most school systems don't have truancy officers anymore. Our police department has a family crisis line.

    I'm really sorry to hear that she might be injecting. I hope that isn't the case. Try to stay strong. Even though the police aren't taking this seriously, I would continue contacting them and reporting her as a runaway. You want to be able to show you went through all the proper channels. Police departments are desensitized to this type of thing because it's a never-ending problem they are faced with. It's easier for police to blame the parents than to do anything about these cases. Police have the legal right to arrest runaways, but they don't because they're overwhelmed. One of the parents at my school reported her son missing five times. Police found him, but they told the mom several times she would have to be the one to go pick him up. The fact that your daughter is making contact with you makes the police less likely to get involved. They don't consider her missing and endangered, even though the drugs and whomever she's around are dangerous.
  15. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    oh how ironic...just saw in the daily police bulletin online, that the guy I refused to let her go out with Monday after school, was arrested for burglarizing two cars at 4am today, and resisting arrest and damaging personal property.

    After I left the house on Monday to run an errand, she left the house. But I really don't know that she saw him. He was in school the next day...and she didn't come home.

    Plus, a guy she got a ride with two weekends ago was put in jail for driving with a suspended license. I can't hardly keep up with all of it...

  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    ksm. You know I write this because I feel THERE MUST BE SOMEPLACE OR SOMEONE that will help you!!!! Not because I KNOW anything!!!

    But gee. Would not some official somewhere, like a probation officer, or a cop, or SOMEBODY believe this is child endangerment, that this CHILD needs somebody besides her MOTHER who is every day getting OLDER, due to the ONGOING STRESS of this IMPOSSIBLE situation? I mean, what are we paying our TAXES for, if NOT FOR HELP, in dire situations such as this where our children are going off the DEEP END?

    I would start calling my representatives, my congressperson and my senators, (and governor.) Actually, I have done that. I have asked them to intervene, and it worked. They have staff that handle constituents' problems, and investigate resources. Why did I not think of this before I wore out my hands typing CAPS?

    This girl needs to be chained to her bed. (Don't. You'll get in trouble.)
  17. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Ok, things have been strange. I believe Difficult Child is paranoid... It has been going on since she came home this morning. Mostly worried about all the undercover cops in our neighborhood... Just about every car was an undercover cop! We live in a quiet neighborhood...there is hardly ant traffic.

    Plus, before she came home, she said she was with a friend, but he was trying to hand her over to the police, and she got away from him. Then another friend saw her walking and gave her a ride home.

    Tonight, she has kept the lights off in the house and looks out windows and says she saw someone in our back yard, or people walking down the alley with flashlights.

    I know paranoia is common with some drugs...

    I am hoping that things are better in the morning.

  18. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Meth use can bring on meth psychosis and part of this can be paranoia. This indicates she may be a serious and regular user, I fear.

    What are your options for getting her to a facility where she can detox and obtain treatment? I would not concern myself with reviews. I would take her anywhere she will be safe and contained. This will only get worse, I fear, unless she is contained and helped.

    ksm. I am sorry this is happening.
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Meth does this. Or it can.

    Even pot can cause paranoia. It made me paranoid.

    Could it be mental illness?

    Can you get her to agree to an evaluation? I'm not sure how old you can be and refuse mental healthcare. In some states is thirteen. Nuts!

    I'm so sorry. I hope she agrees to get help. Please take care of yourself too. Breathe. you will get througj this. You are strong.
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
  20. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I googled drug paranoia...meth, cocaine, ecstasy and others...

    Will be making more phone calls today.

    I hope she goes to school...the school has been notifying the truancy office. Which I had been encouraging them to do. She really doesn't "skip school". But she is late all the time, at least once a week doesn't feel well, plus, I have to take her out early every other week to drive 60 miles to see a psychologist. We do not have a psychologist in our community that sees teens.