IEP meeting a bust


New Member
Today I had an IEP meeting,this site has prepared me for it. However, here I am frustrated yet some more. First they came in with it already written, which from what I understand here, that's a big no-no. I knew from past IEP meetings that this is how they operate. Everything I asked for was NO. difficult child is to be sent out of room when he refuses to do work or cooperate, for a time-out. School thinks he does this intentionally to get out of work (which it is possible, but I don't think in EVERY case). He gets sent to office, then given detention or suspension. Well, I said if he needs this time can't he be sent to guidance office. No they can use it as a reward. I'm still scratching my head on that one. SD says he doesn't have Learning Disability (LD) any longer, because when they test him he is average. Well, when they test him for these things, they test him individually give him all the time in the world. However, when they give a test to him for reg class tests, they only give him the time alloted the other children. When he is to be given the extra time he needs. Going to see a new psychiatric in June, maybe after he sees him I can fight this IEP, then I have something to go on. Any suggestions? They ask for difficult child to be present, however I didn't want him there because they (SD) had nothing positive to say. That would lower my self esteem- but his I am not going to allow them to ONLY focus on the negative. How do I change that?


My difficult child has only been in Special Education for semester last year and all of this year. already I have found how "they" try to snow you over witht he IEP when you really don't know what to do.

Our IEP (third meeting this year upon MY requests) is on Monday. Can't really say the others were really IEP's. In the fall I requested a review of IEP since last years was only a paper that was passed around from teacher to teacher and they wrote whether he participated, not, or was disruptive. And he was suppose to take that home every night. Right. Like that EVER happened. the Fall of this year we went in to review. He seemed to have matured over the summer and just seemed so much better. The only focus at that time was to keep him in class without an outburst of without being disruptive. OK. I can work with that.

Had many situations last year where he would "react" to someone pushing him or someone doing something to him, and he would get punished/ suspended but the instigator got nothing. I addressed that. If he is reacting the other should be punished also. If the other didn't instigate there would be NO reaction.

Then in January was his scheduled annual IEP review. It was almost the end of second quarter. He earned straight A's that quarter had no issues, liked school. Our only concern was his lack of organizational skills. Left things in other classes, lost everything, books, notebooks, papers, pencils, pens. Was late several times to class because he has to socialize between classes. We just added some organizational "excersises" I guess you'Learning Disability (LD) call it.

Then came February. i switched jobs, shifts. now I would be home every night and 3/4 days a week. he doesn't handle change well. Any kind of change..Decided he wasn't going to do any more school work. Decided he wasn't going to take anything to class anymore. physically he was there, but that was it. We would get the bi-weekly progress reports and he would have ALL missing assignments. Nobody notified us.

Well, started really checking. Was getting up to 5 calls a day. then i started asking "What led up to this" Found out some outrageous things teachers and other kids were doing.

I requested IEP. By then I had joined this board. Read up on Wrights Special Education Laws. IEP information. They tried to tell me there was nothing to change on the IEP. I asked for a FBA. How can they have an IEP if they do not know what the triggers are? in my opinion, Many instances the teachers deliberately set off the triggers then complain that he was yelling. And in other instances, HE was way out of line and deserves consequences. More teachers though. I requested the FBA, and I requested him to be tested by the SD psychologist. I was told no. School pschologist was going to be on leave. I requested the person who would be filling in to do it. I asked why he was not getting any spec. ed. services. They said he is. he is being sent to in school suspension rather than out of school suspension. I asked why he isn't getting any coping/social skills help. They said they don't have to do that. I asked them to contact the SD spec. ed speacialist if they do not have any idea's to keep him in the classroom. Principal was nasty and told me his spec. ed. teacher is a specialist. I repeated myself and said if you cannot find any services for him before you suspend him or remove him from class, speak to the Special Education specialist who works at the district office. Principal said spec. ed. teacher DOES work for the district. (there is a specialist at the District office who they should consult when they do not know what to do). I contacted her. I looked one of difficult child's teachers in the eyes and asked why she keeps having him removed from class when he is quiet and not disrupting anyone. She just looked at me and never said a word. VP jumped in to defend her. I reminded them that his current IEP says to keep him in class as long as he is quiet and not disruptive. Principal kept asking really nasty where I was getting my information. i handed her some papers I printed from Wrights Law. She Threw them back, they went all over. difficult child said something and VP laughed at him and was nasty. needless to say that meeting was continued to the following week. Same outcome following week. He is being tested by the school psychologist this week. FBA should be done (they didn't want to do that either)I have gone to school and asked to walk to a classroom to see what is going on. Principal has told me NO. Ihad to wait in the office. I told him NO, I am going to see myself. What I found was unacceptable, and I took difficult child home.

HE has a right to an education and should be IN the classroom.
I was all gung ho, reading everything, printing everything, re-reading. It has been really rough recently and I have nothing left to fight with. I know SD will try to pull same crap. i know they will say negative things. ALL negative. I know it will be 12 vs being the one.
If he is in the class, not disturbing anyone (even if he is refusing to do his work) He is absorbing something because he gets A's on the tests. Just seems to have trouble doing the work. Which we make him do anyway. They are setting him up to fail emotionally with what is said and some situations I have come accross. All will be brought up. All will be denied by them. This IEP is going to benefit difficult child. If it does not, I won't sign it. If it is not followed, I will take action. (easier said than done at this point)
Request another IEP meeting. Get SD involved. i am calling for the person at the District office who over sees the middle school to be present. I am asking the Special Education specialist to be present. Maybe then principal and vice principal won't be so nasty. better stop babbling.


First they came in with it already written, which from what I understand here, that's a big no-no.

It is a violation of the federal regs for a school district to write an IEP before the meeting. They may prepare "draft" IEPs, HOWEVER, the draft IEP are to be provided to the parent.


"With respect to a draft IEP, we
encourage public agency staff to come to
an IEP Team meeting prepared to
discuss evaluation findings and
preliminary recommendations.
Likewise, parents have the right to bring
questions, concerns, and preliminary
recommendations to the IEP Team
meeting as part of a full discussion of
the child’s needs and the services to be
provided to meet those needs. We do
not encourage public agencies to
prepare a draft IEP prior to the IEP Team
meeting, particularly if doing so would
inhibit a full discussion of the child’s
needs. However, if a public agency
develops a draft IEP prior to the IEP
Team meeting, the agency should make
it clear to the parents at the outset of the
meeting that the services proposed by
the agency are preliminary
recommendations for review and
discussion with the parents. The public
agency also should provide the parents
with a copy of its draft proposals, if the
agency has developed them, prior to the
IEP Team meeting so as to give the
parents an opportunity to review the
recommendations of the public agency
prior to the IEP Team meeting, and be
better able to engage in a full discussion
of the proposals for the IEP. It is not
permissible for an agency to have the
final IEP completed before an IEP Team
meeting begins."
[emphasis added]
Everything I asked for was NO.

Learn how to use the Parent Attachment to the IEP. It makes parent recommendations a permanent part of the IEP meeting.
SD says he doesn't have Learning Disability (LD) any longer, because when they test him he is average.

If you do not agree with their report, you can request an IEE. (by the way, "average" does not mean difficult child does not have an Learning Disability (LD). There are many kids with "high" IQs that have an Learning Disability (LD).)
How do I change that?

There is so much information out there pertinent to the importance of building on a student's strengths, the need for kids to experience success, etc. Sounds like you may need a good advocate.


I cannot stress how right you were to keep difficult child away from this meeting if they have nothing good to say about him.

What SD expect older kids to sit through is shameful in many cases--in both senses: shaming of the child and shamefully unprofessional on the part of the school staff . I fought for years to have the SD recognize my ex-difficult child's strengths but they never did anything but complain about him--they did not even like his interest in music because he was "too interested."

At 20 he can articulate that my view of him as capable and having positive traits kept him going through the early adolescents years--even when he were at his worst in terms of ODD behavior. He knows he was difficult and I did not endorse all of his behavior. However, I never failed to endorse his VALUE AS A PERSON.

BiPolar (BP) kids have a really hard road in my opinion. They need support not condemnation and when school district personnel can say nothing positive, it makes me wonder why they work with children.