ignorant people

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Mar 1, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I have learned to not confide in anyone who has not walked in our shoes. For those of them who say "just cut them loose" do not know the pain and worry that entails. They do not know what it's like to have your homeless son or daughter come knocking on your door. All dirty and looking like hell, asking for something to eat. Or asking you, please don't stop loving me. Those people should keep their comments to themselves and pray it won't happen to them.
     
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  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Teriobe I posted a thread this afternoon about all of the trying we have done with my son, 28, who was homeless for a couple of years, and couch surfing for 2 more.

    He has been back with us for a year, for the most part.

    Initially the thread was about feeling that we have gone as far as we can, because he paid lip service to our "conditions" which were really bottom line for us.

    And then as the day wore on, I realized that he has probably gone of his own accord. How bad this feels. And then I saw your new thread. And I feel a bit better, because as much as I do not want you to suffer, I know I am not suffering alone.
    A year ago my homeless son came knocking at my door at 10pm. He had called earlier in the day from a city 2.5 hours north, asking to come home, and I said "no." He came anyway.

    We have been trying for a year. There feels like there is no way to try more, at least this time. I am sad.

    You are not alone.
     
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    For many of us, when we finally had the strength to turn them away, things changed for the better. Everyone reaches that point at a different point in the journey. I needed two years of private therapy to finally be able to set firm boundaries for my daughter. I can happily report that my daughter has been sober for a year.

    However, I do understand what you are saying. That is what is so great about the CD board. We truly do understand.

    ~Kathy
     
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Teriobe

    I agree. These stories should not be shared with many people in our lives. I am fortunate to have some great friends that I have known most of my life that have known my son from day one. I do not feel they judge me but I know they get angry at his behavior and know that we are good people and have tried everything because we love him so much. That is one reason why I sought out a therapist; so I could give people a break and STOP letting this define me, him and our family. It is so hard because I found that it is ALL I wanted to talk about for years. How sickening.
     
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  5. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Oh I know! I have friends who start everything with 'You need to...' and then what comes next is not anywhere near what I need to do. You need to just tell him... You need to write the rules down and make him sign them... You need to call the cops... etc etc etc
    Yes, I have a 17 year old daughter and I can see all those 'You need to's' working with her. Not with him. People do not understand. I honestly don't think I would either if I just had my daughter. I think that's why this board used to call them 'gifts from god' :)
     
  6. I concur with this Teriobe. I remember when son became a Difficult Child, i would confide in two people about everything he did then just recently came to learn that one of the people i confided in would talk about it to other people i know. So now i don't share with anyone even family because family members too stop asking after a while and they move on. I can't blame them though, i am tired and ready to move on with my life.