I'm going to jail!!!!

[bran155]

Deni, I feel for you. Is there any way you could get in front of a Family Court judge? Have you considered placing him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Is there PINS in your city? Parents In Need of Support, sort of like probation, it is a way to cover your butt and make sure you are able to keep your family as well as your difficult child safe, if need be it will help you get him placed through the courts. Every city is different, and I have been very lucky, I have CPS on my side, would it be possible for you to call CPS to bring them on board for your protection? Like I said every city is different and sometimes that could backfire. What about writing to your congressman, I have done that as well?

I have been thinking about you all night, I am just so frustrated for you and very angry!!!!!! It is just so unfair. I admire your strength and tinacity. I am proud of you for entering that police station, head held high and brave enough to stand up to "the man". It aint easy fighting city hall!!!!

My thoughts and prayer's are with you. Hang in there - you are a warrior mom!!!! Please let us know how it goes. God bless.

 

[Deni]

Bran,
Yes I have considered Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I am trying to get that done. However, I just lost the insurance I had for difficult child and DEX has been fighting me about giving me an insurance card. However, he did finally give me the numbers but I had to contact a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I am waiting to see what his insurance will cover. I should be getting a call soon.

CPS is no help here. They are useless as far as my family is concerned. They have never helped me or my son.

Deni

 

[bran155]

If he gets placed by the courts you dont have to worry about the insurance. In my city, the county pays for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), however depending on the families income, sometimes the family must pay child support. I had to pay 35.00 weekly, in fact I owe the county almost 4000.00, but while my difficult child was in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), they payed for everything, she even got a clothing allowance every three months.

Good luck hun, keep your head up!

 

[amazeofgrace]

Deni, I have had you in my prayers, make sure you're taking some "me" time if you're able!

 

[mog]

OH, I remember all to well those days, difficult child was on the wrong medications and my house has so many patches its not even one color anymore getting the help that they need is hard (not really sure it exists anymore) -When we called (3 thimes) they refused to transport then they came out one night and took him away -he is in a facility now -second time-this one court ordered) and I am in just as much pain heartwise with him gone then when he was here but at least when he was here I felt like I had some kind of say so in what happened to him. Now I only get to talk to him 5 min. a day -IF he calls us-we can't call him.He is so far away that we have only seen him thre times in the last 4 months. Its hard to have them at home and going threw all of the turmoil but it's just as bad if not worse when they are gone and you have no control. The system does stink --I wish I had a magic wand to help all the difficult child's of the world and their families since there isn't any justice. I Pray for you that things get better and you find a way to cope with things differently than I did. Hugs and lots of support. We can only do our best!!!!!

 

[AnnieO]

Ohh Deni I so feel for you... When husband originally took pics of the kids, tapes of biomom etc. to the police they told him to drop it and if he didn't they would arrest him! And biomom has called the cops on him a lot of times, usually at times like after midnight which really messed us up for work the next day. He never got arrested because they could not prove a thing. A few weeks ago when difficult child 1 asked to call CPS so she could tell them what biomom had been doing, saying etc. they sent someone out to talk to her, but the woman didn't seem to be listening, then went to biomom and gee, when biomom denied... They believed her. because as she said "If I was getting in fistfights with her wouldn't I have scratches or bruises?" Hello... difficult child 1 hasn't seen biomom since beginning of February... She has flat refused to go. So even if she had had marks they wouldn't have been there. And last school year difficult child 2 said she had punched him in the head, had a goose egg and sore spot but no bruise. They wouldn't take husband's call, but when difficult child 2 told the school -- ! Sent someone out who couldn't "see" anything (never mind that we could see the lump and difficult child 2 showed the guy where it was), then the guy went and talked to biomom then called us and said, "She said she didn't do it, so I am closing the case." WTH?! Just before Thanksgiving we got the first real break, difficult child 1 had attacked me, then husband, and he was restraining her (trained how when he was in Police Academy) when the cops got there (he had called, then I did 20 minutes later in a panic because she was beating her head against his and she's a big girl - 5'3 and about 135 lbs.)... The cops arrested her, like I said first break, released her back to us then at counseling the next day she said she tried suicide. No marks again (said she tried to hang herself) but they put her in hospital (ended up for 5 days) and that is when we found out biomom's boyfriend was abusing her. Since then she has not lashed out at us any more because she knows we believe her (so do the cops and CPS) and we have a CPO against him. Her behavior is SO MUCH BETTER now. But that's not your situation, just I do understand the fear and eggshell-walking, damage to the house, cops taking the other side, no one being willing to help. Honestly if I didn't have this board to vent to...

So I agree with the DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. We have well over 5,000 pages of documentation on all this and it looks as if husband will finally get full custody next week. And difficult child 1 is getting the counseling she needs and will be talking to the judge. You see, she wants, and I quote, "supervised visitation... AT MOST" with biomom. She's afraid biomom will find out that difficult child 1 doesn't want to visit and it's not husband and me. Afraid????????? HMM.

Another thing. The police cannot take your child to a different church. You are still his legal guardian. You make the decisions. However may I make a suggestion? Let difficult child pick his church, even if you don't necessarily agree. At least he is going! My parents did this when I was a kid, they didn't go but I wanted to. Just tell him he can pick his own within X miles of your home. "Choices within limits"...

Just my 2¢...

 

[TerryJ2]

Deni, I'm just lending support.
You've gotten some great ideas and advice here. Obviously, many here have walked the same path.

 

[DaisyFace]

Deni--

Just wanted to send a little "cyber support"....

--DaisyF

 

[eekysign]

Nobody else noticed this is a 6 month old thread?

I wonder what the outcome was. *fingers crossed for Deni*

 

[Star*]

Ohhhhhh I loved it when I was threatened by the school resource officer. LOVED IT.

My son told the school I burned all his clothes, threw away all his books and ALL his COMPLETED homework assignments, threw him out - but not before I punched him in the eye. Listen - I'm 5'81/2", 240 lbs and a former female boxer. If I hit you - you're going to have a black eye. period! So we're in the school office and I hear the officer say "We'll get to the bottom of this MOTHER PUNCHING AN INNOCENT CHILD IN THE FACE - THE NERVE." and as she rounded the corner Dude shrunk back in the hallway and this woman whom I towered over in heels looked up and said "YOURE his MOTHER?" I nodded and said "YUP....I'm the one being accused of punching him in they eye. Did I mention I used to box and body build?" At that point DF added - "Look I'm a man and I wouldn't take a swing at her." we saw people sorta chuckle and I said "SO are you going to arrest me?" her answer after glaring at Dude was an emphatic "NO." and she left.

I asked my son in front of everyone "Where would you like to go?" and he replied in a dark tone "ANYWHERE BUT HERE." So I told them that after I dropped him off at the Children's Home (really did have a bed waiting for him) I was going to the county court house to file a petition of incorrigibility. And I did - but the caseworker jumped in and said they thought they could do better and placed him in a locked psychiatric hospital for criminally insane children. IT was an AWFUL place....but sent quite a message to our kid that he really wasn't mentally ill - he was behaviorally ill and largely responsible for his behaviors. Didn't change him overnight but you only had to mention going BACK to the psychiatric hospital and he could pull himself together fairly well.

When people say "You need to talk to the judge" the verbage they should use is "I think you should go to Family court, talk to the clerk of courts, take your records, documents etc, and file a petition of incorrigibility." THATS what gets you in front of a judge - THAT's what tells the court you have had ENOUGH and the situation is totally out of control, THAT is what I would do again if I had to. THAT will hopefully get him placed somewhere he can deal with his anger, learn coping skills, maybe get a medications tweak if needed, and give you and your Mom a respite so that you can patch the holes, get therapy for yourself so you can learn how to deal with him in your home and learn all these cool "walk away" techniques. It's harder than it sounds because we're wired to argue. Hard wired in my case. And 220amp in my sons case.

You should also look up the advocacy groups people here have given you - and ask for the school districts psychologist and make an appointment. They often have a plethera of resources that your local school counselor or cop does not.

Hope you find some peace. My other bit of advice would be to lock up, box up all your valuables UNTIL he's done because they seem to strive to find the thing that means anything to us and use it against us. Peace and order can be restored to your home, but you have to also understand JUST by removing him - it solves only a part of the problem. It's hard to understand that we aren't able to talk to our own children in a language they understand - sometimes we need someone to help us sort it all out and bounce ideas off of from someone who DOES get how to level this all out - like a therapist. No shame in taking a class on Chinese if you're going to China and going to see Chinese people. It's not much different with difficult child's - we just aren't born speaking their language and vise-versa.

Hugs
Star