Ok, I got husband to clarify, and he does think ADHD is a real illness, but just that our son does not have it. But he's being such an A-hole about it! He said "Let me work with difficult child for a little while and I'll determine if he has ADHT or not." Yes, he said ADHT. The man who doesn't even know what it's called is going to give me his expert opinion on the matter.
Anyway, I tell him I have been working with him for 2 years, and his teacher has been working with him for 2 years, and we've been patient, encouraging, motivating, and more patient with difficult child, and his attention span and focus has not gotten any better. difficult child says "Whenever I sit down and talk to him face to face and get his attention he listens just fine." I was like "Wow, you talk to him once a month and that means nothing is wrong." (I say that because I almost exclusively am the one who does his homework with him, who reads to him before bed, who bathes him, feeds him, and clothes him. Of course he's going to listen to dad the few times dad bothers to really sit down and do anything with him.)
Then husband pullled out the "I was just like him when I was his age" card. Well then I let the dirtly little secret out of the bag. For as long as we've been married (9 years), I've suspected husband of having ADHD. But I had never said so until today. I told him that if he thinks he's overcome his own ADHD by his own will power then he's mistaken. He doesn't listen, he interrupts people all the time when they're talking. He irritates my family members because he interrupts so much and even if he doesn't interrupt he'll just keep talking after they're done as though they've said nothing at all, and he's still in hiw own little conversation. He messy, he misses meetings because he's so disorganized, he can't find important papers in his office because it's so cluttered and disorganized, he doesn't keep records that are related to his job and his co-workers have to remind to write the things down that he's supposed to be keeping record of, he procrastinates and gets his work done just under the deadline, etc.
And you know what his answer to all that was? "Well, but when I make up my mind to do something then my focus is like a lasar beam." It's all a matter of willpower with him. Because he can occasionally focus on the things he wants to do then that means he does not have ADHD, and the same must be true with difficult child.
And for some reason he does not even want to go to a psychologist to get another opinion. He says ADHD cannot be empirically determined (like by a blood test or some other lab) and we know our son more than any psychologist and we should be perfectly capable of saying whether or not difficult child has ADHD. And I said maybe that's right and I, his teacher, and the family doctor have all agree that he has ADHD, and that I am the one who has been working with him on schoolwork for the last 2 years and I know better than he. And husband says "Well, let me work with him for a little while. I can make him want to do better." And I said "difficult child WANTS to do better, but he gets stubborn because he's frustrated. You have the cause and effect mixed up. I've looked into that boy's eyes and he's not NOT doing his work because he's stubborn, he's stubborn because he's frustrated with the work." In other words, difficult child can't accept failure and so doesn't want to do it at all.
husband also uses circular reasoning. He says ADHD exists and that some people have it. But he won't admit our son has it because it cannot be empirically proven and is just something extrapolated from childrens' behavior. Well how does he think the "real" cases of ADHD are determined? If behavior is the only way to diagnose it, then it should be acceptable to use that to diagnose difficult child too, otherwise there is no way to determine a real ADHD case.
Here are the results of my difficult child's Iowa Basic Skills test:
Vocab: 87th percentile
Word analysis: 95th percentile
Spelling: 95th percentile
LISTENING: 19th percentile (This means 81% of kids his age scored higher on this part of the test.)
Anyone see anything weird here? He's smart but doesn't listen. His social studies and science scores were low too because at the first grade level most of it is also listening skills. husband knows all this but thinks it can be corrected with making difficult child "practice" listening. I don't think it's fair that difficult child misses out on recess because he has to stay in and finish his work. And 2nd grade is going to be much harder, and he hasn't shown much improvement. I feel like this is the year he's going to flounder.
Anyway, I tell him I have been working with him for 2 years, and his teacher has been working with him for 2 years, and we've been patient, encouraging, motivating, and more patient with difficult child, and his attention span and focus has not gotten any better. difficult child says "Whenever I sit down and talk to him face to face and get his attention he listens just fine." I was like "Wow, you talk to him once a month and that means nothing is wrong." (I say that because I almost exclusively am the one who does his homework with him, who reads to him before bed, who bathes him, feeds him, and clothes him. Of course he's going to listen to dad the few times dad bothers to really sit down and do anything with him.)
Then husband pullled out the "I was just like him when I was his age" card. Well then I let the dirtly little secret out of the bag. For as long as we've been married (9 years), I've suspected husband of having ADHD. But I had never said so until today. I told him that if he thinks he's overcome his own ADHD by his own will power then he's mistaken. He doesn't listen, he interrupts people all the time when they're talking. He irritates my family members because he interrupts so much and even if he doesn't interrupt he'll just keep talking after they're done as though they've said nothing at all, and he's still in hiw own little conversation. He messy, he misses meetings because he's so disorganized, he can't find important papers in his office because it's so cluttered and disorganized, he doesn't keep records that are related to his job and his co-workers have to remind to write the things down that he's supposed to be keeping record of, he procrastinates and gets his work done just under the deadline, etc.
And you know what his answer to all that was? "Well, but when I make up my mind to do something then my focus is like a lasar beam." It's all a matter of willpower with him. Because he can occasionally focus on the things he wants to do then that means he does not have ADHD, and the same must be true with difficult child.
And for some reason he does not even want to go to a psychologist to get another opinion. He says ADHD cannot be empirically determined (like by a blood test or some other lab) and we know our son more than any psychologist and we should be perfectly capable of saying whether or not difficult child has ADHD. And I said maybe that's right and I, his teacher, and the family doctor have all agree that he has ADHD, and that I am the one who has been working with him on schoolwork for the last 2 years and I know better than he. And husband says "Well, let me work with him for a little while. I can make him want to do better." And I said "difficult child WANTS to do better, but he gets stubborn because he's frustrated. You have the cause and effect mixed up. I've looked into that boy's eyes and he's not NOT doing his work because he's stubborn, he's stubborn because he's frustrated with the work." In other words, difficult child can't accept failure and so doesn't want to do it at all.
husband also uses circular reasoning. He says ADHD exists and that some people have it. But he won't admit our son has it because it cannot be empirically proven and is just something extrapolated from childrens' behavior. Well how does he think the "real" cases of ADHD are determined? If behavior is the only way to diagnose it, then it should be acceptable to use that to diagnose difficult child too, otherwise there is no way to determine a real ADHD case.
Here are the results of my difficult child's Iowa Basic Skills test:
Vocab: 87th percentile
Word analysis: 95th percentile
Spelling: 95th percentile
LISTENING: 19th percentile (This means 81% of kids his age scored higher on this part of the test.)
Anyone see anything weird here? He's smart but doesn't listen. His social studies and science scores were low too because at the first grade level most of it is also listening skills. husband knows all this but thinks it can be corrected with making difficult child "practice" listening. I don't think it's fair that difficult child misses out on recess because he has to stay in and finish his work. And 2nd grade is going to be much harder, and he hasn't shown much improvement. I feel like this is the year he's going to flounder.