Thanks again, everybody. I have been very blessed in the adoption department. All the children that I adopted (minus psycho kid who abused the younger ones) are REALLY good kids/adults and this includes S.
To answer questions:
We are meeting at the church and the mediator will be there.
Although what he thought I was doing did not happen, things DID happen and I can see where I have done some t things that were dumb and even not so nice. I don't think they were so awful as to need five years to work them out, but I respect his feelings and his pain and I have no anger left in me. I am just going to listen to him and move forward. He is NOT the type of person to be abusive, although he can be blunt. I can handle that. He won't swear at me. He does not swear. His wife will be there as a support system and to get to know me. We never had a chance to get to know one another because this all happened around his wedding.
I am hoping for the best. It is very hard to adopt older children (and by older, I mean kids older than infants). The older they are, the less they feel you are their parents. My son has said to me, "I was formed before you met me. What I am, I did myself." He has said this often through the years and not to be mean. It was simply fact. He came at age six. He had already learned to cope and had decided, as young as five, to become somebody special. His drive did not come from his father or me. We loved and encouraged him, but did not cause it. It was inborn.
I check his facebook sometimes and he's always been very handsome (still is) and his boy (my grandson!) is cute as a button. I would like to be in his life. But...baby steps.
I am nervous, but I believe this could work out well. We really got along well until this mishap. In fact, I can't recall ever having to discipline him...he was always very well-behaved, attentive, and often very caring. My ex's grandmother adored him because he would pull out her chair for her and treat her with the utmost respect. I feel I really must have screwed up because this is no difficult child...this is a good young man...it makes me cry to think about it and I'm just rambling now. All I can do is pray it works out.
Thanks again!