I'm new, looking for some help...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whentheyweresweet, Jan 19, 2008.

  1. whentheyweresweet

    whentheyweresweet New Member

    Hi there! My husband and I went to my 7 year old son's p/t conference yesterday...it did not go well. I cried the whole way home (I rarely cry). We are at a loss, we have no idea what to do. His teacher says that her days revolve around his behavior. If he has a good behavior day, then she gets some teaching done. But there are days when she spends most of her day correcting my son. He displays multiple symptoms for ODD, but I cannot see what the underlined issue is.

    I do wonder if any of his behavior has to do with- all that he has gone through in his little life...He was a sweet baby, really mild-mannered, just hung out. At 19 mos. he was diagnosed with- Neuroblastoma (a large malignant tumor that came from his left adrenal gland). He endured 18 months or so of treatment including chemo, radiation, stem-cell rescue (transplant of his own stem-cells), multiple surgeries, etc... I just wonder if there is a chemical imbalance or something????

    He is my miracle baby and is such a sweet, compassionate, funny little kid, how can some one so wonderful be so irritating???? Anyway, I am desperatley searching for some ideas with- the constant arguing, debating, and total lack of submitting to any type of authority.
  2. whentheyweresweet

    whentheyweresweet New Member

    ME:31 stay at home mom, husband:love of my life, such a fabulous husband and father, difficult child(in so many ways):7, boy, cancer survivor, suspect ODD, easy child:5 boy,super sweet, funny, aims to please, easy child:13mos. my baby girl, adorable, loves to cuddle and give kisses (to her daddy, mommy, brothers, dollies, remote control, phone, whatever she can get her little hands on!)
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

    To make it easier for you, go to the top of this page and click on "My Stuff" and then on "My Profile." You can then create a signature that will appear at the bottom of every post you write.

    I'm only guessing here, but the adrenal gland affects hormones and hormones can affect emotions and behavior. Have you asked the specialists who treated his cancer (specifically the endocrinologist) what behavior changes he might have endured as a result of his treatment? That might be the first place to consider.

    What specific behaviors is the teacher seeing in school that are causing her such angst? Are you seeing the same behaviors at home? Have you asked the school to evaluate him for the purposes of an IEP?

    I'm really sorry you're struggling. It sounds as if you might have to really do some digging until you get some answers. Again, welcome.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    glad you found your way here.

    I'm sorry but I have more questions than anyting else. How does your son behave at home? Is this something new this year at school or did your son struggle last year? Have you spoken to his doctor regarding the his medical history and the behavior issues?

    Like SM said, you may have to do some digging to find some of the answers.

    We are glad to have you aboard!

  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you take your second post and turn it into a sig, it will save you time and energy in future posts. You should find it under "my stuff" at the top of the menu.

    It's wee small hours here for the board, for most people. Late at night, for me (heading for bed). So if you don't get an avalanche of replies, don't take it too personally - people will get to you. Check again six to ten hours from now.

    Now to your son - have you had him back to an endocrinologist? It might be worth a check-up anyway.

    There are so many other possibilities, they are all worth following up. All the procedures he had to go through - they can leave scars, a counsellor/psychologist might be worth consulting, to see if that's the answer.

    To look for a possible totally independent underlying disorder, most people here recommend you find a good neuropsychologist or multidisciplinary team for an assessment.

    In the meantime, a book which seems to help a lot of us (it's not a cure) is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. While you're waiting for responses, Google it, see what you get.

    And stick around. When we've had our sleep and feel somewhat improved, we'll be back. And when everyone else is flagging, I'm usually around. It's only a few minutes until Sunday morning here!


  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so sorry your little one has had such a rough time. Starting life, all the learning a person has to do, is all hard enough WITHOUT the added medical trauma.

    It would be an excellent source of info to YOU and your son's doctors, etc, if you could go to the box at the right of the page labelled resources and click on the Parent Input/MDE . The MDE is MultiDisciplinary Evaluation. This is a format for a document to help you arrange any/all info on your child so that when the doctor asks about something, you can look up the info. You may or may not want to share it with teachers. (Some I have, some I have NOT, depends on situation).

    I think it would probably be surprising if your son did NOT have some behavioral/emotional/whateveryoucallit problems after the illness you all survived.

    If you already have seen docs of any kind at a Children's Hospital, it may be easiest to get one of them to give referrals for evaluations. Being that the cancer happened so very very early, I would recommend a developmental pediatrician. The one we loved coordinated ALL the testing we needed and helped us get the treatment we needed.

    Has the teacher specifically said WHY she has to focus on your son all day? Try to get her to email you or write a note with the various behaviors she is dealing with. If others at the school see problems, maybe she can include those?

    Just ideas, I hope they are helpful.


  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Others have asked good questions and given good suggestions-just popping in to say welcome and I'm glad you found us-this is a great group of supportive people!!
  8. whentheyweresweet,

    Welcome, you have come to a wonderful place to get information and guidance! My difficult child is dealing with physical, psychological, and behavioral issues so I know just how complicated this can all be.

    First of all, take a deep breath... You have an early "heads up" that your son needs some extra assistance, and knowing this early on is a very good thing. If I had it to do over again, I would first arrange the multidisciplinary evaluation . Also, I would find myself an advocate to work with me in relation to my dealings with the SD. When my difficult child was your son's age, I didn't know that advocates existed. You can do a search from Wrightslaw special education and advocacy and find a listing of advocates in your area.

    The SD is probably never going to suggest that you can do this, but it would be prudent to do so. It may be that your son could use an extra teacher or assistant in the classroom to work with him, this would be a win-win as this extra person would assist both him and his teacher. His teacher probably does not have the knowlege and training to meet both his needs and the needs of the entire class.

    Good luck in your search. Some early intervention for your sweet little son could make all the difference in the world!
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Welcome! This is your first step to figuring out how to help your child and stay sane while doing it! LOL!