I'm worried..

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by AliceLee, Feb 4, 2007.

  1. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Hi all---I know that no news is supposed to be good news, but...

    My difficult child has no phone, so she emails me from work several times every day. I heard nothing from her Friday or Saturday (her days off are Sunday and Tues.) She did not respond to my emails. Nothing has happened that would make her mad at me.

    So, I'm trying to decide....do I drive over to her apartment (1/2 hour away) to check on her? Or is this part of detaching, just wait til I hear something?

    By the way, she is living with the abusive, mean-drunk boyfriend.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Didnt you just bake some cookies and have some extras? Or didnt you pick up the wrong box of cereal at the grocery store and it is her kind and not yours? LOL...you get my drift. Make up an excuse and just drop by like you are bringing her something not like you are checking up.

    Ease your mind.
  3. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    If this has never happened before, then yes you do drive over.

    If anything like this has ever happened in the past, you do not.

    She could have found a phone somewhere to call you.

    If there were anything seriously wrong, you would have been notified.

    Sending strength and wishing well, Alice Lee.

  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I am not the one for detachment advice, I am struggling with that myself.

    But, I agree with Janet. I know the knot in your stomach from wondering what might be happening with difficult child.

    It may be wrong and others will be along with their advice, but showing up with something for her to ease your mind will help you get through the day.

    Hope all is well with her,sending {{{hugs}}}

    P.S. I just read through my post of detachment and I want to change my answer!
    (yes, lol, detachment makes me crazy,lol)
    I don't think you should go. What will you do when this happens again? and again? You have to be strong. What message will it send to her? Will she think that if she fails to contact you, you will seek her out and rescue her? You know your difficult child and I only know how my difficult child is.
    I did ride by on tues after the scare on the news to see if my difficult child was at work. He was, but I didn't let him see me checking. I have to pass his job everyday to go home. I start about two miles away reminding myself NOT to look for him.
    Detaching is VERY hard but each time we stand strong and not give in to our fears we get stronger and stronger. It makes the next time a little easier.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Normally I would probably let her be, but I understand there is concern about the boyfriend. I'd probably go with Janet's suggestion BUT you need to accept that nothing may be the way you like it (i.e.: difficult child is fine, dandy but the apartment is squalid and it's become a flop house to boyfriend & difficult child's friends). Also, if difficult child is aware that boyfriend is abusive but won't make a break from him, I'd consider suggesting that she get an emergency cell phone from a domestic violence organization. They only dial out to 911, but it may give you some peace of mind.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    [ QUOTE ]
    If this has never happened before, then yes you do drive over.

    If anything like this has ever happened in the past, you do not.

    She could have found a phone somewhere to call you.

    If there were anything seriously wrong, you would have been notified.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I agree.

    I also believe in "trust your gut." What is your gut telling you?

  7. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Thanks, everyone, for listening and sharing your ideas. This kind of thing HAS happened more than once before.

    My gut tells me that all is NOT well...but a life or death situation, probably not.
    My husband looked at me incredulously when I asked if he thought we should go over there. He will go with me to ease my mind, but he really isn't worried about her. As he said, "She's a big girl. If she needs us, she knows how to get in touch with us." So, for today, I've decided not to go.

    As far as the cell phone goes, I did buy her a track phone in December. I did tell her that it'll call 911 as long as it's charged, and I asked her to please keep it charged. But does she usually follow my advice? She's a difficult child!!! I have also given her domestic violence hotline numbers and a bunch of literature. She knows our door is open (on a temporary basis) and she has a key.

    There is one positive explanation I have come up with (but unfortunately, I have imagined her being beat-up, strung-out on drugs/alcohol, or dead). I do know that she was trying to change her work schedule to accomodate a court-ordered ASAP(alcohol-safety) class she has to take. Maybe the classes meet on Saturday afternoon or night, so that's why she wasn't at work. Or, maybe their email system was down...

    I'll fill you in when I find out!
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Follow your gut instinct. If you feel something is wrong and this isn't like her, then I would find a way to visit.
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    could be the alcohol class. ant had to go all day two saturdays in a row for one county.
  10. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    AliceLee ~ Have you heard from her?

    let us know when you can