Hi, I read every day but don't normally post about our issues. Today I'm feeling a need to unload. Recently my father committed suicide. He was an unusually brilliant, analytical person who had been addicted to drugs for about 50 years, give or take a few decades of sobriety. He was never really able to connect in a "real" way with any of his 3 wives or 5 children. His funeral was this week, and over and over again, these descriptions came out about my father: -brilliant/witty -logical/analytical -not intentionally hurtful, but left us all in pain as a result of our relationships with him -never really understood how to love (he'd stated this himself) -never really understood that words could hurt (he never understood how to validate another person's feelings, always felt that being "logical" should be what mattered the most.) So, obviously I'm very upset about my father's death, the manner in which he died, and the unresolved issues he took with him. I've got a tremendous support system with friends and family and a great husband, and I am taking good care of myself. After the funeral we all sat around a family scrapbook which had belonged to his mother. She had saved many things, and among them were many of his report cards from grade school through high school. As we read through them, I got quite a kick in the gut when I realized that his teachers in the 1940's were saying exactly what my difficult child's teachers say about him now. Things like: "a talker! - this is becoming a problem" "very bright but does not accept criticism," "due to his lazy habits and poor attitude, he has not 'earned' these A's," "not motivated by internal factors - is usually motivated when he knows he's getting a reward" and on and on and on. My mother turned to me with a smile and said, "Does this remind you of anyone?" Obviously she was not trying to hurt my feelings, but of course I was thinking: is this how difficult child will end up? We've spent the past several days with cousins, many of them close to difficult child in age. He's eight years old, but he's the only kid out of the 7 cousins that needs frequent check-ins from a grownup to make sure he's not doing anything mischievous, regular time-outs for saying something rude, constant reminders to be quiet, keep out of someone's possessions/personal space, etc. He is liked by his cousins but he is different, and it hurts me to say this but he's obviously the one they've identified as the "bad" kid. I have gotten a bit panicky asking myself the question: "Will he end up like Dad?" "How can I prevent him from ending up like Dad?" "Do I really have any control over this?" And more often than not, I've come down awfully hard on him in recent days. Just so you see that my mom isn't an insensitive person, she felt I was being way too hard on "a tired, overstimulated kid with impulse control issues" (her words) and took him for a few hours of quality time today while I calmed down elsewhere. OK, he's only 8. But he's unusually bright (I used to say this with pride but now I don't really see the silver lining). He is NOT motivated internally to be nice to other people. He's a talker (especially in the classroom). I love him - he's witty, charming, entertaining. But he's not a NICE kid most of the time, and doesn't seem to WANT to be nice, or have an instinct for caring for people. (He's great with animals, though.) He does have friends and frequent playdates. It's hard to explain, but he's just not motivated by other people's feelings, and that bothers me terribly. I don't know what kind of input I'm asking for, really. difficult child doesn't have any diagnosis other than the seizure disorder. We were turned down for neuropsychologist testing coverage from our insurance company but I'm going to appeal. He's been in therapy since Kindergarten (he's in 2nd grade now) and his therapist feels he's ADHD but his pediatrician doesn't. Some of you may be thinking Aspie after reading about my father's personality, but I know some Aspies and I strongly don't think this was his particular issue. But I never really knew him when he wasn't using drugs. Anyway, thanks for listening, and I appreciate any support you can give.