In need of help and new to the board....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bonia713, Aug 4, 2010.

  1. bonia713

    bonia713 Guest

    Let me say like the rest did that I'm happy to have found this site! Reading through alot of these comments has opened my eyes ALOT!

    Here's my situation....
    I have an 7 almost 8 yr old difficult child.. He's always been a difficult child only 2 hours old and was pushing himself away from me in the hospital lol.. He's always been a very fast learner and was walking by 8 months talking by about 1 learned baby gates by 1 1/2 and to crawl out of the crib by 1 1/2. Needless to say he's been busy and kept me busy. He has always been argumentative, and when he started kindergarten and kept getting in trouble I finally set him up with an appointment at the mental health clinic here and we went and seen a p-dr. She met with him and met with me and then put him on adaral(sp?) he was on that for about a week, when one day I walked into his room he shares with easy child and he had his hands around easy child's throat and was trying to stranggle him, I stopped him and asked him why he was doing that and he said he had a headache and easy child wouldn't leave him alone (easy child was 1 1/2 at the time) I put him in time out and we discussed that it was not appropriate to put his hands on easy child and if he was bothering him from then on he needed to come get me or SO to handle easy child.

    Less than a week later SO walked in and difficult child had a pillow over easy child's head and was pressing down, SO spanked difficult child and put him in time out. He once again stated that easy child was getting on his nerves because he wouldn't be quiet. I called p-dr and explained to her this behavior and she told me to take him off the medication and make an appointment to get him in and we'd try something else. I was forwarded back to her assistant who informed me there was a month wait. I asked to speak with her again and she told me that a month would be fine. So we waited the month and she put him on Strattera. He was on that for about 2 weeks when we noticed that he would become dark very quickly, and by dark I mean he would say things like "I wish I was dead" "I hate myself" stuff like that. So I called the p-dr again and told her about this (afraid he would hurt himself or easy child) she told me to take him off and make an appointment. Found out it would be ANOTHER STINKIN MONTH! I passed took him off the medication and called our family dr.

    We went into see our family dr. about a week later and he gave us the name of a pediatrician we could see or we could travel an hour away to a differant p-dr. I choose the pediatrician.

    We went and saw the pediatrician the next day and she met with us for over 2 hours and went over all of the problems we had with him. She listened to our concerns and talked about behaviors. She prescribed intuniv 1mg. once daily, for 2 weeks if we didn't see a differance then to up him to 2 mgs once daily. Come back in 30 days. the first week there was no change in his "normal behaviors" (Talking back, fighting about ANYTHING, temper tantrums, throwing things, yelling,) but the 2nd week he was a completely differant child. he was loving and he smiled. He hadn't had a genuine smile in as long as I could remember. He laughed and played well with easy child. Then the 3rd week came along and boom he was back to normal behaviors. I took him back into pediatrician and she said to give him 1mg in the morning and 2 mgs in the afternoon. So we did that and still no change for 30 days.

    We went back in and she said sometimes a childs body notices the chemicals and the bodies reaction is to get them out as quick as possibile and she thinks that's what happened with the intuniv, so she changed him to concerta, (I don't remember dosage) but we did that for 30 days and NO change still.

    This brings us up to now just a week ago she put him on the .1mg clonidine 1/2 tablet in the morning and 1 tablet at night, along with vyvanse 1 capsule in the morning. It's been a week and so far not a major change, he seems quieter SOMETIMES but for the most part still combatitive.

    I am a single mom now lost SO about 1 1/2 months ago. He was not bio dad to 7 yr old but is to 3 yr old. He did take care of 7 yr old as his own though. He passed away suddenly, I'm surprised the 7 yr old didn't act out more after all that happened.

    I have had people tell me (not in front of him, nor ever to him) that he's the child you read about as a teen that the parent wakes up and he's standing over the bed with a gun or knife. THAT bothers me that people say that about him. I need help and so far nothing I've done seems to help him.
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I hope others can give you good ideas about where to get help. My guess is you need a thorough evaluation by a neuropsychologist to get a better understanding of how his brain works.

    I will say medications can be a mixed bag depending on the kid. My son is Adhd and we tried several different stimulant medications and they all made him depressed. Aderall in particular was really bad. The other stimulants caused similar problems just not as drastic. i went to a talk recently about medications and they talked about the different brain chemicals and the balance of them and the stimulants tend to increase one of them (cant remember which one) but if that gets out of balance then it can cause depression.

    Anyway you may want to take him off all medications, get a good neuropsychologist consult with him without medications and then see what they recommend. Keep track of which medications he has been on and how they have worked.

    I went through a phase when my son was that age where I really wondered if he would grow up to be an axe murderer because he tended to be so agressive.... if we were at an outing and some kid was punched I always knew my kid was invovled. He would get mad at me and kick, hit, punch me etc. We kept working on it and although now (at age 18) he can still be agressive etc.. he has much more control over it. He has threatened me with violence but he has not actually hit me or been violent to me since he was 8 or 10 years old. He always stopped himself before it got that far.

    It does sound like he is jealous of his sibling and so for that I would first make sure they are never alone together in a room and then somehow see if you can have some special one on one time with him so that he has your full attention without his sibling there. You may already do that.

    Oh and a kind of a funny story about my easy child daughter. Same age difference as your two. So she was about 3 and my difficult child son was about 7. He was sitting in the hallway and she was sitting in a different room. All of a sudden I heard her saying "Stop that difficult child (using his name of course), Stop that"...Well I was absolutely shocked because he was sitting right in front of me. He was not doing anything to her at all. I realized that when she whimpered i would often get upset with him becuase of course sometimes he did do something to her..... but I also realized that my daughter, even at her young age, had learned to play that to the hilt!!! So after that I was very careful not to blame him for doing something to her unless I saw it.

    They ended up having a good relationship during their childhood.... now they don't because of the path he has taken and she is kind of disgusted with him. My hope is that some day they will have a better relationship but it won't happen until my difficult child has his act together.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hi and welcome.

    Are you still only seeing a pediatrician? If so I would find a good child psychiatrist or go for a neuropsychologist evaluation. Many times the first psychiatrist is not a good fit and you have to try another one.

    It is hard when your child is so combative and violent. Many times for some kiddos adhd medications (stimulants like vyvanse) don't work well alone.

    Welcome, and I have been there. After 4 years of trying different things we may be on the right track, for now, with my difficult child.
  4. bonia713

    bonia713 Guest

    Thank you ladies for the replies, I had not heard of a neuropsychologist till i got on this board, one has never even been offered.
    We have 30 days of trying this medication combo and if it doesn't work then I will be speaking to the pediatrician about referring us to one.

    Thank you again you don't know how much you've helped with just your stories!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Bonia.
    I am so sorry you lost your SO recently. That is so hard. You are so young.

    I'm glad that the comments so far have been helpful.
    I would also suggest reading Doug Riley's books, The Defiant Child, and What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell you.

    Your son has used some really scary tactics to get his sibling to be quiet. Never leave them alone!
    Best of luck!
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    How is his eye contact? Has he been an "authority" on any type of game play, toy or interest? Have you noticed any type of issues to sounds, smells, sights or "itchy tags" on his clothes or anything else? How does he do with friends?

    Certain medications will make kids worse instead of better depending on the childs diagnosis. I'm another that agrees that a full neuropsychologist is a great start!

    Also sorry about your SO - it really stinks to go through all of this - you don't even get an opportunity to grieve. Feel free to talk to us about it - the Watercooler is a great place to talk about how you're doing through the grieving process. Many there will understand and help you!

    Don't you love those helpful comments that people are always so willing to give? Don't you just want to say "thank you for your incredible insight?" and walk away shaking your head?

    Feel better hon, we're here for you!

  7. WearyWoman

    WearyWoman Guest

    Hi, and welcome! You have found the right place to talk with others who understand.

    I agree with everything everyone else has already said. I am in a similar situation with our difficult child (age 9) who has ADHD/ODD and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - not otherwise specified (a mild form of autism spectrum disorder). We have tried a lot of different medications. We found Focalin XR to be the best at helping his ADHD symptoms, which also helps the ODD/combative symptoms you mentioned, indirectly. However, the extended release still only lasts about 6 hours of the day, so we have also used Clonidine. Now, the pediatrician is switching us over to Intuniv, and we're on week 1 with that (too soon to say if it will work or not). Sometimes as stimulants leave the system, agitation and aggression result. It's a trial-and-error process to find a combination of medications that work. You need a medical professional willing to go the distance with your family. A neuropsychologist evaluation might shed some real light on all of this.

    Just wanted to lend my support and say that I understand. Hope you get some more answers soon.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add in my welcome. I definitely agree with making an appointment with a neuropsychologist. I don't know that I would wait a month because sometimes there can be a long wait to get in. I'm sorry he is struggling so much and I know how hard the violence is to deal with as my difficult child can be violent. With his violence toward easy child, I'm sure you are making sure they are not alone together.

    Also, I'm very sorry for your loss.

    Please stay around, you will find much support here!
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Gosh, I"m so sorry that you lost your SO so young!!!

    I actually think with difficult child, however, they are looking at the wrong stuff. ADHD/autism doesn't make a child try to smother another one. That's serious. I'd take him to a neuropsychologist because the testing is way more intensive. If he is misdiagnosed, ADHD medications can make kids even worse. After all, it's speed. It made my son aggressive and mean and he's not so we took him off of it.

    Did his biological father have any psychiatric or substance abuse issues or personality disorders? Even if the kids don't know their birth fathers, they have 50% of their genes and can inherit stuff from they are significant even if they are not there.

    Big hugs and I hope you find the right path.
  10. bonia713

    bonia713 Guest

    Thank you ladies for the warm welcome!

    This weekend has definately hit home. He had a very rough weekend. He didn't want to listen, and twice when I walked out of the room and back into the room he was choking easy child. I have a phone call in today to our pediatrician. I am hoping she will recommend a neuropsychologist.

    To my knowledge he has never been "in charge".

    His bio father does have issues, I know he spent time in a charter home. Speaking with his mom (bio fathers mom) she said he spent time there for substance abuse. However I do recall her saying that he showed signs of ODD when he was younger. I am not in contact with them any longer so therefore I can't ask anymore questions.

    Thank you for the kind words towards SO. Him and I had been split up for about 8 months due to his health so I don't think it hit me as badly as it could have. I am now more worried about the boys.

    I will let you know more once I hear back from the dr's office.