Interesting proposition from husband...not sure what to think.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm doing a shooting demo in a week. I'm a beginning shooter, and they needed some poor schmuck to demo the beginners for a horse council thingy... lead to husband and I sitting here tonight talking about it.

    I have been debating how to get my horse to the level I'd like him try to do it on my own, or send him to a trainer. The problem with doing it myself is the time factor. Sending him to a trainer is the money factor.

    So husband offered to work on my horse.

    Ok, from one perspective, great. Very nice of him to offer....

    But from the others...why is he going to have all this time to commit and I won't?

    He also has a little trouble training an animal without corporal 7 years, he still can't even catch my horse without cornering it because my horse is afraid...

    And then there's the factor we ran into before that what he wants from a horse and what I want aren't the same...and he has a little trouble training to someone else's (my) objective...

    I'm not even sure how to respond...
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2010
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Given the fear factor you need to tell him that you love him for offering but really feel that you need to do this on your own. Even if "this" is finding a different trainer. I am sure you know that "training" a horse using punishment and fear is simply stupid. It ruins the horse, or at least damages it to the point that it can take YEARS of work to earn its' trust again. If you let husband use fear to train your horse, the animal will NEVER trust you again. There is NO way to get an animal to the "next" level if he is scared.

    I would be willing to bet that husband will either totally stop family interaction or give up on whatever few chores he does now. Or else will promise to train the horse and not get around to it. But if you ask him to do anything he will be "overburdened" because you already expect him to train your horse. Know what I mean??

    You have seen this pattern from him before, haven't you? How did it end up then? Would it be different now? Why and Why not?

    I would feel very uneasy about this. I wonder if HE saw your list and is scared?
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Under the circumstances, I might ask him to aid me in training him, but not train him. He can help you with brushing, cleaning the stall, feeding, watering (all while you and your boy are training), etc. This gives you the one on one time you need with the horse to build a bond of trust, and his help will cut your time in half. It also gives you and your husband an opportunity to build your trust together.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've never had a horse, just dogs...that said, I would prefer to train my animal myself. I know what I expect from him, and what I want the end result to be. Especially if there was a strong possibility of corporal punishment. Somebody hits my dog, and they'd better be prepared to be hit by me.
  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I haven't worked with horses, although many have accused my dog of being a horse....... but in working with my dog there is a connection between us that would not be the same if someone else had trained him....... that being said I would tell husband that the horse will not pickup on your cues if you don't do the training and suggest that husband could help out in other areas so that YOU would have time for training using YOUR methods. Hope you can get it worked out.............
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good point, and you're probably right. I just wanna scream.

    He has not seen the list that I am aware of. Its on the computer and he's not computer savvy. That's not to say he didn't blunder into it, but I doubt it.

    Training a horse is a lot like training a dog. And we had a titled hunting retriever that was trained without ever laying a hand on it. And that dog LOVED to hunt. He learned quite on his own, to hold his breath so he could hear geese or ducks approaching, he lived to hunt. And that's how I want my horse to feel about this sport. I don't think you attain that thru punishment.

    There's a couple older guys in the shooting group that have a real sense of regard for their mounts. Both horses are extremely personable and they love the sport. One has been to the world championships with his horse. I emailed them both for some tips and thoughts (obviously leaving out the husband part of the story).

    I'll take that info back to husband and we'll talk more. Maybe I'm putting too much into it, but it just felt like a slap in the face.
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2010
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Maybe this is an opportunity for improving your marriage partnership.

    Work on training the horse together...

    Which means get all the chores done, together....
    So there is time to train, together...
    And compare notes, together...

    It could lead to many great things....with your horse AND your husband.
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And its not about the horse....