Is he just being a "Pre-teen"?

[Marguerite]

We allowed our kids to have messy rooms. But I refuse to go in there. If they want clothes washed, they have to bring them to the laundry. I WILL remind them when I'm about to do a load of washing but priority goes to the clothes already in the tub.

Clean clothes - the kids get them handed to them, folded ready to put away. Or on hangers ready to go in the wardrobe.

I do my bit. The rest is up to them.

Occasionally they search for a toy or a book, and ask my help. Sorry, I don't go in there. Not until I can see the floor.

Other chores - well, they have to be done. SOMEONE has to do it. I find that working as a team can speed up the process, so I will help difficult child 3 with a chore if he will then immediately help me with mine. We then follow it up with a game, because we have both saved each other some time and energy. But if I am worn out from too many chores or too much arguing, or we've lost too much time with arguing, then no games.

If your difficult child has a problem with a particular chore, see if he can trade that chore for another. He can also offer to pay someone from his allowance to do his chore. But you have to approve the amount and ensure that all agreements are adhered to.

I'm wondering if he hates doing the dishes because it involves other people's germs etc. Dirt is very different to food scraps. I could happily dig in the garden as a kid and play with worms, but I would be heaving if I had to clean out the sink strainer.

I consider everything to be negotiable.

Marg

 

[AmyH]

We talked about the dishes "calmly" and it is the germ thing. Other peoples food grosses him out. I told him if he would of said that in the first place we could of handeled it. We also talked about the way to express this.

 

[Marguerite]

That's really good, Amy.

Sometimes you just have to modify things. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is really phobic about cutting up raw chicken. She doesn't even like handling it with gloves. mother in law is much the same but does it anyway. However, she tries to avoid eating chicken, her phobia about handling it is so much an issue.

With easy child 2/difficult child 2, she has to learn to do it, I told her. She just pointed to BF2 and said, "He will cut it up for me. I can cook it, as long as someone else cuts it up." I've even insisted on her cutting it up, and returned to the kitchen to find she'd done a chore swap with one of her brothers and got him to do it.

I figure - negotiation is a useful skill also, and she did accept that the job had to be done, and arrange for it to happen.

I think, Amy, that once difficult child realises that there are other options he might be more open to talking to you about it. However, Aspies don't always think laterally. If there is an obstacle, sometimes they can't get around it but need to wait for help.

Marg