Is it just me????

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Dec 18, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Probably is...the last year has been sucky to say the least. The anniversary of my mother's death is fast approaching & I'm finding myself extremely reflective; very lonely of late.

    I've also found over the last few months the need to simplify. Everything..... I've been getting rid of stuff. You know I used to hang onto every bit of artwork or gift the tweedles have given me. Now I've chosen the things that are most meaningful; the things I display & thrown out the rest.

    I went through my closet last week - none of my clothes fit due to medication weight gain anyway. It's amazing the number of outfits I got rid of ...the ones I kept thinking would fit again or that if they did fit I would get one more place to wear them. Nope - donated that stuff this year. Have been doing the same in husband's closet as well. Just spend the afternoon sitting on the bed sorting; napping when I need to & have husband carry the bags out to my van.

    This spring husband & I decided that wm's old room is becoming a sewing/art/craft room. wm isn't likely to come home anytime soon. He's not even likely to stay overnight. And we'll deal with that when & if it happens. There is no longer a "shrine" to wm. Carries too much emotional baggage.

    After the first of the year I'm digging out from all the "must have" appliances in my kitchen - the ones that have been gifted to me but I never use.

    You wouldn't believe the number of books I've donated. All those books I could never ever live without. The same with movies. The must haves that I only watched once.

    I really cleaned out my office area - simplified my filing system. I don't need to do the staff accountant thing at home. Now I shred statements & receipts as they clear the bank (unless needed for taxes). I have much more room; I set up my easel & art supplies. I have such great light to work with at my desk & I was wasting that space.

    I don't know what's going to happen over the next year with my health - don't know to what level I will recover. No one has given me the full picture yet.

    To whatever extent I've decided that I don't need, have never needed the "things" I've accumulated over the years. It's never been about things - more about quality of life. Family, friends & peace of mind. Things became a burden & something that needed dusting.

    Just thinking out loud this morning.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Emptying out "stuff" is cathartic at best. It's sort of like blowing out the cobwebs.

    Heading through the first year of a parents death is really, really the hardest part. Everything is a first: birthdays, holidays, special occasions it comes to mind "Wow, this is the first year that Mom won't be here for...". Trust me, it's the hardest time. After the first year, you start to reminisce. "Remember when Mom used to... on ...". People start to laugh at memories of fun things that happened etc.

    After the year YOU'VE had, I couldn't blame you for wanting to start the new year fresh!

    No need to be lonely - your Mom is over your right shoulder telling you what to throw out!!!


  3. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    It's funny you mention this, I have been doing the same. A feeling that maybe if I simplify my house, it will simplify my life.
    I am not one to keep on to too many things but this year I have been so busy and hoping to have a garage sale or husband holding on to boxes we "might" need, things have accumulated quickly.

    Your mum will always been with you.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I didn't notice how much my thinking had truly shifted until I started getting ready for the holidays this year. I've stopped trying to go over the top with gifts for one thing. It's wasteful and shameful, in my humble opinion. I've had Duckie help me sort her unused toys to find good homes. I've donated those things I don't find useful or I love. My life is cluttered enough without adding in extraneous stuff. I'm trying to focus more on the things that matter. My daughter is going to remember making Christmas cookies that she can give to her teachers a lot more than some useless trinket.
    It's a different mindset.
    I'm sorry you are so lonely for your mother. I've been missing my father & grandmother a lot this year. I sat and had a good cry the other day. It's okay to let the grief out. {{{Hugs}}}.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Linda}} I think wading through all that stuff and cleaning out and throwing out is the best way to move forward in every aspect of our lives. I love when I clean out a closet, drag stuff to Goodwill and have new "open" spaced in my house. During our recent ongoing renovation H pulled all the crud that was up in the attic, such as old dollhouses of the girls, the American dolls, and something like 5 hefty bags filled with stuffed animals. Even I had a hard time throwing those out - my mom had made so many of them. I only kept the really really special ones. And lastly, my grandfather's desk. It can't even stand on its own anymore, needs to have some repair work done on the legs and be stripped and revarnished. I cannot part with it and H keeps asking me to just get rid of it. I don't think he has one sentimental bone in his body sometimes! Anyway, I went through old clothes of the girls, mine and H's, old coats and jackets that had only been worn once, all the stuffed animals, gadgets and stupid things we've collected over the years and got rid of them all.

    My head felt clearer and my heart seemed lighter. It's kind of like a Feng Shui clearing of the space and mind, isn't it?

    Like others have said, your mom will always be with you; on your shoulder, in your heart, in your mind - always. I'm glad that you feel good about clearing your space. :angel:
  6. Penta

    Penta New Member

    Well, my life was completely simplified by Mother Nature, but before that whenever, I was under stress, I found a thorough cleaning out was a "good thing". I have never had much excess, but even one bag to the Goodwill made me feel lighter somehow.

    I'm glad your load is lightened, so that you can continue to enjoy what life is really all about.

    My wishes for a healthier New Year for you.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I've been doing the same. It's been helping the depression. I also got rid of the "dude" shrine. The room, left JUST THE WAY - is gone, the clothes are gone, any remnants to remind me of him put away for now. Pictures - I LOVE pictures, I've taken all but a select few down. Too painful.

    I turned the former Dude room into an office and put out all my art supplies, paints, art stuff, and got a bunch of those plastic stack drawer things to sort and organize all the craft stuff, and turned my office back into a bedroom. Things I can live without for now - I packed up in anticipation of our move. Things I can live without went into numerous boxes with little stickers on them with prices for either a flea market day or a yard sale. We live so far out flea market will be better, and what doesn't sell to get me a little cash will then go to a charity.

    DF has been cleaning up the 40 acre woods so to speak - all the stuff he drug home thinking "Someday I'll turn this into" and hauled a lot of it to the recycling center, making himself some cash and keeping his mind off of not smoking. He likes that his cash from the scrap is for WHATEVER not for Camels.

    And currently since we aren't putting up decorations (more stuff to drag out, put away) my dining room has become a depot for the boxes. The other rooms are cleared out. After the first of the year - I intend to tackle the kitchen - like you I have a something that will do 1 something and don't ever use it. What was I thinking having to have a Quesidilla maker? Used four times. Ole!

    I think you have discovered the we call it. Old things out - and just space to breathe, grow, laugh, and live life on our own terms. You're right about the no bed thing too - it's what kept me from taking down the Dudeshrine for months. He sleeps on the couch anyway.

    This is a very liberating post. I haven't told anyone about what I was doing - this feels good. Thanks
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I do that periodically. Go through everything - organize and get rid of all the accumulated flotsam and jetsom - take stock. I think it is necessary.
  9. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I have a hard time throwing anything away - I'm thinking in a past life I lived and died during the great depression. If there is a memory attached to whatever it is, I feel like I am ripping out my kidney to put it in the goodwill section of the garage LOL

    The past two months, during the Great difficult child Kitchen Remodel of 2007, I have been going thru the cabinets and drawers and have forced myself to just start clearing stuff out, since really, there are not too many memories connected. Found enough mismatched pots and pans to staff a soup kitchen or two, as well as dishes. I had 9 soft boiled egg cups - I can recall only once eating soft boilded eggs in the past 40 years, and I don't recall having 9 of them at one time. I now have two (just in case). 6 teapots, and I don't even DRINK tea I only have one cupboard to go, and that is the baking pans and stuff, which was handed down to me from my grandmother - they are all so old and dented when ever I make a cake, or do bread, they all come out with the same dents.

    I think a lot of my keeping "stuff" comes from a time when I didn't have much of anything, and was jazzed to receive new to me kinda things. Now it just keeps me from buying things I really would like cause it seems like a waste of money cause I already have those things even though they are old, dented, and probably hazaradous to your health to cook/eat off them.

    But I feel so much better already not having to look up and maybe duck because something fell out of a cupboard packed to the gills with stuff I haven't used in ever so long when I open the door.

    But gotta be honest, am soooo not ready to clean out my clothes cupboard - I gotta have those various sizes ready just in case I lose weight again. To give up my size 7's would be an acknowledgement that my chances of getting there again would be slim to none, despite knowing I could go out an buy a whole new wardrobe if I ever wanted to. Gotta stick my head in the sand when it comes to what fits and what doesn't

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I've gotten better and better about this. Last year husband and I went through storage and pitched so much stuff. We are doing it more and more with stuff around the house. I'm even doing it more and more with my classroom at school!
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you ladies - this has been a time of reflection, of memories as I cull out the "junk", for lack of a better term. I appreciate those of you who understand the need for this simplicity.

    I plan ahead as I clear out the past. There is a freedom in throwing out so much of this stuff.

    As for Mom - I expect this is a natural part of the grieving process. I've missed her more in the last month than I have all year round. She's the one who pushed me to even acknowledge the holidays yet alone celebrate them. It's been tough this year for me & the only reason I am acknowledging Christmas this year is because of tweedles dee & dum. Otherwise it would be just another day in the life.

    Mom loved Christmas; loved all the parts behind the celebration. Spent a good 6 months planning for Christmas. Mom's monthly updates on gifts, recipes & such would always bring a smile to my face. She'd be talking in August about some new cookie recipe she was going to use that year. What gift she bought for what grandchild. How she was going to have Dad decorate out front.

    I've missed the updates from Mom, the recipes & decorations. And I will pull myself together to get a tree up - for kt at the very least.

    Baking will be Pillsbury dough & frosting; at least it will be some kind of baking. husband & I have agreed not to spend money on each other this year. husband has gotten me so many art supplies over the last couple of months I feel I don't need or want another thing. husband has upgraded his easy child & again doesn't feel the need for anything further.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: HereWeGoAgain</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I do that periodically. Go through everything - organize and get rid of all the accumulated flotsam and jetsom - take stock. I think it is necessary. </div></div>

    Arghhh Capn but we not be knowing where yer treasure be lest ye mark it with a big black floating X.

    (insert pirate laugh)
  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Starb</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: HereWeGoAgain</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I do that periodically. Go through everything - organize and get rid of all the accumulated flotsam and jetsom - take stock. I think it is necessary. </div></div>

    Arghhh Capn but we not be knowing where yer treasure be lest ye mark it with a big black floating X.

    (insert pirate laugh)


    Arrrggghhh, if ye be throwin' out flotsam and jetsom that looks like Orlando Bloom, be ye throwin' it my way. Arrrrggghhh! :wink:

    The wink sort of looks like an eye patch! Sort of...