Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pwned, Jul 2, 2015.

  1. pwned

    pwned New Member

    Greetings, Forum Members. It might come as a shock to you that I am not a parent, but a child. I did not have anywhere else to clear my thoughts. Kindly bear with me. I am a 21 year old male from a city in India. I failed my final year exams this year. I have a tendency to smoke cigarettes. I help my dad in his business. No felonies except for a few traffic tickets. And at times I 'take' a few bucks somewhat like 250 to 500 Rupees(roughly 5-10 US dollars) when I am in a tight spot. I have got the privilege of 6-7 thousand bucks as pocket money. I live in my parents' house, participate actively in the matters of the home and workplace. But this stealing thing makes me think that I am an idiot. With time I have reduced socializing with people, deactivated facebook and I get restless at times. Am I the kind that needs punishment or should I do something else ?
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Do you mean 6,000 rupees? About $120 US dollars? I'd like to ask how often you receive that money, but I suppose it actually doesn't matter. You didn't say who you are stealing from, but I'm assuming your parents. The same parents who are supporting you. Are you paid in your father's business? If not, why don't you talk to him about that or get another job?

    In my opinion, stealing is never fair. Stealing is wrong, period. You have food, shelter, clothing. Your "pocket money" is enough for cigarettes. What kind of "tight spot" do you get into?

    Please understand, I am not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, or make you hate yourself. But, as a parent who's child has stolen from them, it HURTS. It is a betrayal of the worst kind.

    You clearly feel a guilty conscience; you feel badly or you wouldn't be asking the question. Do you need punished? No. But you need to stop before your family finds out and, once you have enough money saved up to do so, you might want to consider paying them back and telling them the truth.

    Why have you isolated yourself from friends? Perhaps you need to talk to someone about that.
  3. pwned

    pwned New Member

    Its for a month. I don't receive any salary, but I do get perks sometimes. My expected work hours are 5 hours a day. I try putting in more than that usually. I end up eating outside a lot. So, it happens that I run out of cash sometimes. I should ask him for a raise in exchange for some more responsibility. I have not completely isolated myself. I still have 3 friends. Only one knows about this habit. But he thinks that I need to think on it myself. However, I have BIG troubles in communicating with confidence.
  4. pwned

    pwned New Member

    After another few minutes of thinking, I think that the only way to stay contended is being 'legitimate'.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Given your screen name, I'm not sure if you are being serious or playing a joke on us. I actually hadn't noticed it before.

    But, if you are serious, you know the answer. Stop. You will only hurt yourself and family by stealing.
  6. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    I think that you might live in a very privileged environment and need to grow up.

    Stop stealing-just think about it. You are taking something that someone WORKED for. Why do YOU get to do that? Someone works for this and you
    just go ahead and take it?

    It's just not fair.

    Try to live on your own resources, then maybe you will see the value of what you are taking from other people.
  7. pwned

    pwned New Member

    Seems like a good day today. My father has agreed to a raise.However, its going to be difficult to tell him about what I did. 'pwned' comes from Video Game slang, it means 'lost badly'. I swore to myself that I won't do it again.
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2015
  8. pwned

    pwned New Member

    21 year olds in india are still considered kids. Most of us start working after our colleges are over as college degrees are essential for any kind of jobs. College graduation in our country is equivalent to finished schooling in your state. I agree that I am making a mess of my freedom.
  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yes, I know. My son was a gamer...before we put him out for stealing and he sold all his computer and gaming systems for food money and ended up in a shelter for the homeless.

    Because of stealing.

    Because we could not trust him to not take our belongings or our money if he remained in our home.

    You do not want that to happen to you.

    I think you should come clean to your father...but you might want to consider the timing. If you have the money to give back to him, if you have a job outside of the family business where you earn the money to pay him back, that might go over better.

    You've made a very good decision to speak to your father about the raise and to commit to no longer stealing. Keep it up.
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  10. pwned

    pwned New Member

    When I think of telling my dad about it, commitment of not stealing again looks very easy compared to it. It will be a tedious goal getting a job and saving up. Out of the blue, I realized that I cannot get that confidence until I make the returns, or at least put some serious effort into it. Falling for a girl indeed makes great changes in one's life.
  11. pwned

    pwned New Member

    I see. Habits change, when we somehow realize that there is a bigger picture than ourselves. I have observed that most parents here have stopped believing that their children can change.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They aren't children when they hit the late 20's and 30's. This isn't India either so our kids are expected to do the right thing at 18.

    In the U.S. we try to raise independent adult children who live on their own so there may be cultural differences. It is not seen as a good t hing for an adult child to live at home over here. It is seen as the adult being a child still, which is frowned upon. Most of us are living in the U.S. or Canada, so we write from that cultural perspective.

    in my opinion stealing is wrong in any culture.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You live in a culture where many things are handled more "loosely" than in our western culture. I don't know the exact rules for your particular part of India - I do know it varies.

    In general, though, just the fact that you are asking the question leads me to believe that you are aware that culturally, it is not acceptable. So you have choices to make. It doesn't take punishment for us to change our ways. We simply have to want to change and start behaving differently. You failed your exams. You might have some depression to deal with - and some people "self medicate" by taking things from others in order to buy things that temporarily make them feel better. It doesn't work, of course.

    Normally I'd be sending you off to find a good therapist - but I'm not sure to what degree that is even an option in India. You need to get your feet under you and find a way to move forward.
  14. pwned

    pwned New Member

    This problem of mine started off at a young age. I was caught sometimes, but no actions were taken against me as it used to be a very small amount. Usually coins. I left that habit at the age of 16. Later, the conversation I used to have with my parents kept getting shorter and shorter, leaving me no way to share or solve my problems. I finally started off this habit again after at the age of 20(somewhat a year ago). This time, I thought that I would solve my problems, and wouldn't do it. It became a habit, eating up the confidence I had in myself. I became a liar. A good one. I did not bump my head into a wall recently. It had something to do with my ex and a new girl, along with a lot of other friends I lost). this new girl and I have a good chemistry. But my lack of confidence leaves me weak. It does not let me look into her eyes the way i want to. I cannot feel anything except like a loser. And that's where I realized that, its a bigger picture.
    My counselor resides in Mumbai. I live a 1000 kilometers away. Trips are feasible only once in a year, around new year's eve. And, I never really thought I had a problem until I had these encounters.
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2015
  15. pwned

    pwned New Member

    I admire that in your culture. I was seen as a rebel till 18 years old.:p It will take me at least 5 years if I land a decent job to get a house of my own. Stealing has big repercussions in every culture. That is a reason that I have to think hard about how to tell the same to my dad.
  16. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Would it be fair if someone stole from you--just every once in a while?
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The first part of solving any problem is to recognize it is a problem. So, you have taken the first step.
    THAT is a problem. Counseling requires a reasonable frequency and consistency in order to be effective. Initially, sometimes it's once a week, later maybe every 2-3 weeks, sometimes monthly. Is there any way you can have sessions with your counselor over the phone? or maybe there is someone closer?
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  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    You will feel like a man, not weak, when you act like a man. Be an honest and honorable person. It sounds to me like that is what you want to be.

    Perhaps you can communicate with your counselor by computer, Skype?
  19. pwned

    pwned New Member

    Lets see. Jaipur is a big city. And a 100 kms away. Will let you know in a day. If I find it in a day.
  20. pwned

    pwned New Member