It may not be for everyone

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I have to tell you that I go into Christmas with a light heart today unlike I have known before. I know that not everyone is ready for the level of detachment from my family and my children that I have brought to my life, but I feel that it is important for me to say that if you dread every holiday and just don't fit in with your family, that just starting absolutely fresh may actually be the right thing to do.

    We arrived here in April, and I knew no one. I still know very few people compared to the number of friends I would usually list. I couldn't put a party together to save my life, but I don't care. We put up a tree for the first time in what must be 8 years. I bought gifts for husband and wrapped them and placed them under the tree. We've both been sick the past couple of weeks, but are on the mend. He had done a couple of household things for me and we were going to call that "Christmas", but deep down I knew it wasn't right. Saturday I sat on his knee and told him I wanted some gifts to open on Christmas morning, and he smiled and asked me what I wanted. I told him I need new gloves, some perfume, and a pretty sweater would be nice. There are three pretty packages under the tree for me. I have a rib roast in the oven, and a couple of neighbors are coming for dinner.

    I'm not anxious about who is or isn't coming for the holidays, because no one really is. I'm not anxious about being left out of anyone's holiday because it's absurd to think that anyone would invite us. No one knows us, and we're too far from anyone who does know us. We might go to see a movie tomorrow. M is with his fiance visiting family in CA. It's his first real trip out of town on his own as an adult, and he seems happy. Good for him! L is married to her wealthy man and I'm sure she's happy as a clam showing off her wonderful new home and life. Good for her!

    husband and I are lounging around making all of our favorite foods and the dogs are full of benadryl to keep them somewhat calm when people come. I can't think of a better Christmas. My best wishes to all of you and your families.
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Witz, it sounds heavenly. Enjoy.

    Love, Esther
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witzend, thank you for posting that, I truly appreciate you and what you just said. I also completely understand that we all make different choices, and we all have to come to our own difficult decisions where our kids are concerned. I haven't been around for a long time and of course, I wasn't here for all of your history, but I do appreciate that you made some very challenging choices, especially to move so far away and those choices have given you peace. I envy the detachment you've achieved. I know you must have worked very hard to get there. I'm working hard to create a new 'normal' for myself and my family, always a struggle when my difficult child seemingly works against me, it's like always swimming upstream against the current. I see you making a life for yourself, a new life, born out of the ashes of your former life....... and what courage and fortitude it took, but you did it. I applaud you. And, it gives me an example of someone who 'started fresh' as you put it rather then stay in a place where the struggle will continue because we have no power to change it. Those expectations of something changing when they likely won't are really so damaging. So, anyway, thanks so much for leaping out of that upstream current onto an easier path and offering us another option to consider. A very Merry Christmas to you, I know you will enjoy it.
  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Witz - thank you for sharing! I have such a big smile on my face right now after reading your post! Merry Christmas to you!!! Enjoy!!!
  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Thanks Witz. Sounds like a lovely Christmas for you and husband....enjoy!!!
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for sharing that, you are an inspiration. I must admit the life you made for yourself and husband sounds so peaceful and you have truly come to a point of acceptance that I envy. It's easy to feel sorry for oneself this time of year but it's much more difficult to make the kind of changes you have in order to have a better life and I applaud you.

    Merry Christmas Witz!
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Merry Christmas, Witz. I'm glad that you are enjoying the holidays in your new home. It sounds like you are truly happy and at peace. Who could ask for more?

  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Merry Xmas Witz - sounds like you are really enjoying this one :)

  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Merry, Merry Christmas, dear one. I have a big old smile on my face, reading this - you do sound happy, content - what a wonderful gift.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Witz, good for you!! :)

    I remember those past xmases and girl, you and husband soooooooooooooo deserve this one, and many more to come. Merry Christmas!

  11. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Sounds super!
  12. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Beautiful :). I couldn't be more pleased for you and your husband. I hope that this is the beginning of many more years of peace for the two of you. Merry Christmas!
  13. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Merry Christmas my friend. Enjoy!
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well I FINALLY got one of my Christmas wishes! There really IS a Santa Claus. Happy you're so happy Witz, you deserve to know what the Spirit of Christmas is all about - no matter HOW long it takes.
  15. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That is a beautiful post on every level. I'm thrilled for you and husband. Lovely Christmas, lovely New Year!
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am really happy for you Witz.

    I wish I could convince Tony that possibly moving would make us happier. I for one think I would be a whole lot happier in a different place but the two of us have totally opposite tastes of where we would like to live it will never happen. I would love to go live somewhere like NYC and he would flat die before doing that.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am so happy for you. You have made a new peaceful life for yourself and husband. You deserve this. Have a wonderful New year! -RM
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very happy for you, Witz!!! Enjoy your new found freedom and peace!
  19. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Love your post. How did the dinner go? Sounds like a wonderful evening.
  20. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Witz, I am so happy for you.