It's A difficult child Life

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Family:

Hope everyone had a great New Years!
difficult child had a visitation with Baby J last Saturday. She is still on restriction at the soberhouse so her visitation was there. I brought him over nice and early 9am and he stayed with her till 6pm. However, being a true difficult child she had to make an adventure out of it. difficult child decides she and her chaperone (a girl who has only a few days in the house) need to go to a meeting. So she enlists this guy she met to drive them all there...baby included. I ok'ed this as she takes baby to meetings sometimes. I am just grateful she wanted to go to the meeting.
:bravo:
I'm still not sure if this was their destination though. :confused: As they ended up on a road that was not on the way to this particular meeting.....Anyway this guys car stalls out in my hometown. She calls me to tell me. She doesn't want me to pick up the baby. 2 hours go by and it is now obvious that she needs to get the baby picked up and finally they got the car started. I went and picked up Baby J....He hadn't been fed dinner, needed a diaper change and had on only a sweatshirt. :wildone:
I said nothing, took my precious grandson home and pondered whether giving her unsupervised visitation was such a good idea.....
I know she loves him but she is like a 16 year old when it comes to responsibility. She will turn 22 this year!(God Willing) :wildone: I know she may take alot longer to mature, if ever. I just find myself amazed that after all this time, difficult child is still hunting for a man instead of hunting to find herself. Her drug treatment is now only 2 hours a day 4 days a week. But she is going to meetings....I think.
I can't really complain as things were much worse a few weeks ago.....I am grateful for the help she is trying to get, I just hope it works this time.
Meanwhile, Baby J has stood up!!!! :bravo: /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24g.gif
What a riot this child is....such a sweet temperament, he is delicious. I pray he stays that way.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

Blessings,
Melissa *

 

[KFld]

I would curb the unsupervised visits for awhile. I think she has a lot more to prove before you should feel she's responsible enough for that. Boy are they lucky to have you!!!
Does sound like the typical life of a difficult child though. Nothing can ever be simple.

 

[Ltlredhen]

I think I would also curb the unsupervised visitation. Sounds like she still is not responsible enough to put his welfare first even for just a few hours. I myself (being the worry wart I can be) would be afraid she would just get to distracted and forget he was with her :wildone:

The baby is so lucky to have you on his side. :warrior:

Donna

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Melissa,

I too am glad difficult child is still at soberhouse and doing better than she was several weeks ago.

Grandchild is very blessed to have you in his life. And quite the accomplishment for him to get those little wabbly legs to cooperate! :smile:

caring thoughts,
lovemysons

 

[judi]

Now that I have a precious newborn grandson - I'm all for protecting these kids. This is too hard on the baby.

 

[Coookie]

Melissa,

I agree with only supervised visitations..especially if you have doubts about her actual whereabouts when she has the baby. :wildone: :wildone:

I can hardly believe he is already standing... :wildone: Seems he was just born yesterday... :grin:

Hugs

 

[Sunlight]

like the others and you already know...she is not responsible enough to have the baby on her own.

 

[rejectedmom]

I totally agree with the others. Supervised visits only. I can't believe Baby j is standing already either. How old is he now????? -RM

 

[DDD]

Rootin' for ya, Melissa. DDD

 

[OTE]

Melissa, I don't know if you know about this, but there is such a thing as sex addiction. In yours it may be hard to distinguish that from low self-esteem, absent father and so forth but it's something to consider. Only thing they can do about it is talk therapy. But in a true rehab place for that, which can be a dual diagnosis with drugs, part of the therapy is no men until the treatment issues reach a suitable stage.

If you've seen the movie 28 days... remember the scene at the very end in the flower shop when the guy was crying that his plant died and his dog didn't like him? 2 years may be a bit excessive but it is part of the treatment.

 

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Family:

It's funny OTE, one of my friends, an NP also mentioned to me about sex addiction. I think difficult child is more addicted to finding a man that will "save" her....make her part of a family, etc and uses sex to try to achieve that. Still it is sad that she feels she must have this man in her life and that he is always a convict or drug addict or both. I guess she doesn't think she deserves better. :tears:
I am just grateful that today she is in treatment.
For those who asked, Baby J is 8 months old Sunday and we can't believe he is standing either. What a sweet baby. :rofl:

Blessings,
Melissa :smile:

 

[lovemysons]

Dear Melissa,

Dont have much time to offer on the board today.
But your daughter was heavy on my mind as I just drove back from young difficult child's last probation appointment.

You know I lived the "fatherless" scenerio and I know the internalizing that I did as a young teen girl and how personally I took the devalued, worthless "voices" to heart. It set me up for an adulthood of being the "victim".

I am more than anothers efforts or ability to value me. I am more than anyone's lacktherin/capacity to love me. I must learn to love me, and give myself, choose people who have the ability to love me in a healthy way. And to those who don't know how to love me in a healthy way, my difficult child's most often times, I must show them how I love me regardless of their treatment.

Not sure if I'm making as much sense as I so want to...
I'll try and share my thoughts in a more concise way at a later time. It is so hard to not take personally the wreckage of someone else's behavior, be it the father I never had or the son's I wanted so desperately "to be" what I needed them to be. My very value and worthiness has been wrapped around what others became or "told me" that I was...but it was never personal, though it is my "natural" inclination to believe that it is/was. Thinking "healthy" is difficult for me and always was.
This may be very difficult for your daughter as well.

Thanks for letting me get this out of my system, just heavy thoughts going out about your daughter and her internal struggles. Can be so hard to sort through and see clearly...the fog clears more each day for me. I truly believe your daughter can get there too.

With deep caring thoughts,
more another time. Have a good day today.
love,
lovemysons