Its been a while....loving life while son in jail


Hi everyone,

My son is still in jail, thank God. When I first came to this site, I could never have imagined saying those words. I dreaded Difficult Child going to jail back then. I am still kind of sad every morning because I know its no fun there and I know it really is a crappy place to be. I could not have imagined turning him in, and then doing everything I could to keep him there.

But that is exactly what happened and is happening.

He and I have had zero contact. At first I was going to put money on the phone so he could call. But after being here on this site all summer, I did learn a few things. So I thought, why would I want to subject my self to hateful interactions on the phone? Or worse...crying?

Well, I wouldn't. I do, however, occasionally put money on his books, but very little. I do send postcards once or twice a week. His bond is $200. I will not post it under any circumstances.

He is livid. Duh.

He would not even look at me at his last court date. Oh well. I do not care. What I care about is him getting help. I care that he stays alive and in one piece and not facing life in prison for doing something to someone in a rage.

The first doctor has found him competent. The doctor believed he is faking. He isn't. He really is mentally ill. He refused to cooperate with the second dr, which bought him another month, because now another dr has to come.

His lawyer and I talk often. If the second dr finds him competent, his lawyer can intercede somehow if the lawyer becomes fully convinced that he is, in fact, incompetent. But I believe his lawyer is on the fence about it at this point, as he is not in the business of keeping his clients in jail, as he has told me. I understand that point and I am also aware that the legal definition of incompetent is different from mental illness.

I am living my life, for once. And I plan to keep living it thanks to what I have learned here on this site. I will continue to purchase food, clothes, probably a new laptop to be honest, for Difficult Child when he returns, whenever that is. I will be here for him to talk to if that is what it is...talking. I do love my son very much.
I have learned so much here about getting a life of my own, detachment, and letting go. I am going to go catch up on everyone else now. I am so grateful to all of you.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

Glad to hear! It's wonderful how we all help each other on here without even knowing it!


Active Member
It is so hard! I left my son in jail when the bail was only $25. It wasn't about the money, it kept him away from drugs.

(((hugs and blessings)))