it's been awhile!

[Dee R.]

I am sure most everyone here doesn't remember who I am...I posted some last year and then kinda stopped. Things got MUCH MUCH worse for awhile...it was just a nightmare and it seemed there was going to be no solution and J's behaviour just got more and more out of control. I guess I hit my limit...I started calling the military police on him and he ended up trying his stuff with them and was surprised to find that yes they CAN make him do something and yes he DOES have to do what they say! He was handcuffed and taken to the station and charged with disorderly conduct. I had pressed assault charges against him a few days before that for biting me. They would not remove him from our home...there is no facility or provision for teenagers over here who are americans who mess up on base. The next time he went after me at our home I called the German police...they came out but said it was not a police matter and would not put him in the german youth home. I couldn't get the american social workers to put him in temporary foster care either...and we were forbidden to put his stuff outside because that would be us abandoning him and we would be charged with neglect! I was so upset...if it was ME that bit MY son I would be out of my home so fast your head would spin..but since it was the child doing the abuse we had to figure out what to do ourselves.

FINALLY we got a date for him to go to Boystown in the States. Then we had to figure out how to get him there...and what we would do if he got himself kicked out or ran away or something. Luckily it all worked out...husband took him there, J settled in amazingly well and has been a model kid for the 6 months he has been there. He was able to come visit for Christmas and it was freaky how different he was. Our other son C said "he is TOO good...they took his spirit". I don't know about that...but yes, he was very very good. He went from getting Ds and Fs in school last year to getting straight A's....YES that is correct..All A's! He is in ROTC and has been promoted several times and has been appointed platoon sergeant.

This is wonderful yes? But I wonder....what happens when he comes home for good??? How can we make this stick? Has anyone been here????? Do we need to move to a different place so when he comes home he won't know anyone because I don't know how his goth skater punk friends will support and encourage this 'new' J! can he be successful here?

Walking on sunshine....

 

[Wiped Out]

Dee,
Welcome back!- I'm glad to hear your difficult child is doing so well. I don't have any advice because my difficult child is som much younger but I'm sure others will be along shortly.

 

[tiredmommy]

Hi Dee, I remember you! It sounds like J has shown some really big improvements!!! :bravo: I'd be concerned about whether he's honeymooning or not as well. The problem with moving is that he may end up falling in with the same sort of friends, wherever he is.

 

[Dee R.]

Well one good thing is that he won't be coming home for awhile anyway and hopefully they will address this with us as well. They have been REALLY good with communication and working with us all along. When he was here over the holidays they sent him home with a treatment plan that he had agreed to and we had to write on it how he did with his goals and he also had to call them 3 times that week and they always speak to them after he finishes so we can ask questions as well. My fingers are SOOO crossed that this is the ticket.

 

[everywoman]

Dee-
Sounds like ya'll are on the right track. I hope J continues to improve. Is there any way he can stay until after graduation? Is there a time limit with the program?

 

[Penta]

I had great worries about this, as well. My girl had to leave her program early because my funds ran out. I was not optimistic that she could make it at home...but, she did. I spent a great deal of time lining up support services for her...psychiatrist, therapist, alternative schooling, and other classes she might enjoy for fun.

She did not return to her former school or former peer group, but did see other friends who were on track.

She even adjusted to a major traumatic life event 4 months after coming home when we had to relocate without notice from our home and city.

AN after care plan is very important to have in place when your son returns home.

Good Luck!