We finally took a different albeit more $$$ubtle approach to this problem because - well because whipping a child tied to a post has been outlawed for some time. (I think)
We just did EVERYTHING ourselves. EVERY. THING. Raked leaves, mulched, gathered pine straw, raked more leaves (there are 2 acres- and loads of leaves) trimmed trees, cut the lawn, mulched more leaves, edged the lawn, drive and the ONLY thing left was to install 50' of fence. THE ONLY thing. Now....when I tell you we did yard work - I'm not talking namby pamby - I'm talking - we missed Thanksgiving - because we did YARD work. I haven't felt well for years, and DF has bad ----everything. So it was yard (echo) work.
When Dude came back from FL and needed a little "spending" money so he wouldn't be embarrassed to go with his friends....we laughed. OMG did we laugh. We laughed like teenagers who were working at Burger King for our minimum wage jobs and had a friend who said "Give me $10 for sweeping your drive?" Yeah dude - pft.....and you give me $50 for washing your Mom's car....ROFLMAO. I even washed my own car.....I mean there was NOTHING to do to earn so much as a nickle.
So.....the next time there WAS something to do? HE volunteered. AMAZING. Of course we said - JOB does not pay squat until it's done to our satisfaction. And when it was not? We didn't pay and we finished it ourselves. Then we laughed....like kids who worked at Burger King (again) when he came up with "Well you should pay me for part of it, I mean I got part of it done." and we said (like teenagers) "Well yeah Dude....we um....we want you to go see if you can get $50 for washing your Best Buddies Mom's car but only for washing the left door." ROFLOAO.
THE NEXT chore? He did, he did it all, he did it without fail, he was complete, he got paid - less than it was worth and we have dramatically reduced the over-inflated cost of paying the boy to do the work because now we know we CAN do it --we're healthier than we were, and we don't HAVE to pay high-sin wages for his help. HE knows it too.
And as far as the rest of it (Him living there, him eating there, showering, washing clothes, taking care of his puppy? That's about to change too. He's going to get a weekly bill of expenses - part of it can be paid off in GED attendance ----if there is none? Then he can pay it off in cash from working.) No more Ms. Nice Guy. He doesn't want to treat ME like I'm #1 in his life - I feel I can reciprocate in spades. If he doesn't like it? He can go live with Daddee, or in the park or where ever he likes.
Then? He won't have any chores to do or worry about anyone nagging him to do them. 2010 is going to be my year to clean house.
I love my son Daisy - and I'm going to tell him that all the time - but as far as me telling him 100 times a day that I love him and being treated like dirt? I'm a BROOM.