It's official...I'm depressed

[Abbey]

Not that I didn't know that. I'm up at midnight on the board. :hammer:

I finally caved in and went to a doctor today mostly because my allergies were way out of whack and I haven't been able to breathe for a week plus. I decided to bring into conversation my continuting depression. Long story, won't go into it, but it's been present for years. I don't eat, find it hard to get out of bed, yadda, yadda, etc.

I asked for a referral to a pscy, which I got, but he suggested starting on medications ASAP. So, I got Lexapro. I'm afraid to take it. I don't know why, but I am. I don't like not being in control of myself. I have disbelief that some drug can help me. I think it's life in general. That could be a 5 part series.

This weekend was probably the worst I've had in years. I asked husband to leave, which he is not acknowloging. He thinks it is a fluke. I can't get him to understand how much in the dark I am. This is not normal for me and I can't make it stop. Maybe some stupid pill will help. Maybe not.

I am not a pill person. This is a BIG pill for me to swallow. Does anyone have any experience with this drug? I've taken Wellbutrin to quit smoking and felt nothing. I can't imagine a drug to make me feel better. Just looking for some been there done that. :frown:

Abbey

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> truth be told, abbey, i wouldn't be here if not for antidepressants....and this was in the days before zoloft, prozac, lexepro, etc. the dark ages of psychotripic medications lol.

i don't think ADs make you feel different. they just lift you up enough so you can better cope with-the day to day....not feel so under that heavy blanket of darkness. when that darkness is lifted ~~~ even just a bit ~~~ you start to feel more in control, not less. just finding yourself smiling again can be so rewarding.

please don't suffer when there is help available. it's unfairt to you & to everyone who loves you & that you love.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[Merris]

Abbey - Don't be afraid of the medication. If you don't like it you can always stop. ADs are more of a cumulative thing. You don't feel anything and then suddenly in a few weeks it occurs to you that things feel a bit better. It won't make your problems go away, but it will make it easier for you to deal with them.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you shouldn't be afraid. Look at it like it's a tool you need to make life easier. If you have the tool and you don't try it, you'll never know if it would help or not!

Merris

 

[Ltlredhen]

Years ago, I had no idea that depression was actually what was wrong with me. After explaining my "symptoms" to a doctor, he gave it the big name of depression and started me on an AD.

It took about 10 days and then I realized one day that the world was no longer black and white but full of living color. It did not make my problems go away but it was like "wow", there is a world out there and I can function in it.

Good luck, been there done that....

Donna

 

[timer lady]

Abbey,

I've had long term depression...it runs in the females of my family. My sisters & the majority of my female cousins are on some type of antidepressant.

For years prozac helped me....I was still myself but with the darkness lifted. The last couple of years the prozac was no longer effective so I started on cymbalta. I've felt the depression lifting once again. Beginning to see joy in things I haven't in a long while.

Having said that, would you consider the AD combined with a therapist?

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I wish there was a way to just make it better for you.

 

[Sunlight]

Hi there, hon. what is happening is that you are making changes to better your life. that is confusing, sad and makes you feel you are in limbo.

take the lexapro. when I met boyfriend he was on it. It will take the edge off for you, but you will still be your own intelligent self. it will make you rest so you can think more clearly.

I have been taking Ativan to sleep at night. without sleep, I am a basket case. I still have trouble eating. I find when I go for long walks talking with a neighbor, it eases my mind. it releases endorphins and energy.

As for husband, stick to it. some time apart will make you both think better about your relationship. it is hard to think with the person right there in front of you. give yourself a month and you will know for sure what you need and want.

many hugs back to someone who has sent them to me time and again.
Janet

 

[slsh]

Abbey,

My first thought was, "Well of *course* you are." In my little corner of the world here, I assume that most if not all of us who deal with- longterm struggles with- difficult children (or longterm struggles in general) *have* to struggle with- depression. I also think that once the door to depression is open, we are more prone to it returning or hanging around for long periods of time.

I can't help you with- the Lexapro but I totally understand your reluctance. In some twisted way (probably my own skewed thinking from MI :wink: ), depression is such an integral part of me, is something I've lived with for so long, that the thought of a drug that would change that absolutely terrifies me.

on the other hand, when I had my own not so little meltdown several years ago, I did take the medications for about a year. Beat the heck out of contemplating playing with- the kitchen knives or driving into a tree. I was more functional. Not sure I was necessarily "happier" but definitely that weight that was flattening me into pulp lifted. I did some serious cognitive therapy with- a great therapist as well and when I decided to go off the medications, there were some other things in place cognitively that I think have been enough to keep me away from the really bad places. Not to say I'm all happiness and light, LOL, but... I think I at least function fairly well the vast majority of the time.

I think cognitive therapy is good for us control freaks - gives concrete ways to proactively take care of our minds so we can hopefully avoid the dark places. But I also think that the medications can be used as a tool to help us get past that mountain when it's so bad that it's interfering with- normal daily life.

A gentle hug to you Abbey.

 

[Fran]

Deb,it's not a happy pill.
It is leveling out your neurochemicals so you can be yourself. Think of it as a tool to help you be who you are. Similar to a medication to keep your blood pressure normal. It doesn't cure your high blood pressure but allows you to function and decreases the chances of complications.

Medications have bad results and complications a percentage of the time. They aren't to be taken lightly, like candy or a quick fix but they are a godsend to our civilization. Use them as a tool to patch what's not working correctly.

My thinking is almost completely opposite of yours in that I do not believe self will fixes some things that are chemical based. Coping strategies, understanding and self will can help the situation but without the right chemicals in the brain it's pretty difficult. Can't run a car without the oil no matter how good the motor is or how much power under the hood.

There are so many people who suffer with mental illness that think it is a personality flaw. They suffer disappointment and failure over and over yet will not lose the arrogance that they can fix it themselves. Unfortunately, those that love them are constantly being hurt and disappointed by this stand. I'm not talking about you but there is a large percentage of mentally ill people who won't take the medications, quit taking the medications and let their loved ones down over and over because they will fix it with willpower alone.

If you feel the grey shroud of depression laying over you and don't believe it is lifting any time soon, get help for yourself. The medication won't cure it but may make the time shorter or trigger the depression to lift. What's bad about that? It's not the easy way. It's common sense and wise to fix what's not working well.

 

[TerryJ2]

Abbey, I agree with-everyone here.
What you've been doing hasn't been working. Try something new.

You can always stop taking the pills. Give them time to work. They will not change your personality. They will help even things out.
You were smart and wise to mention the eating and sleeping issues to the doctor. S/he put a hand out for you and you need to take it. That's all it is... a hand, not a crutch.
You've got way more going on in your life than the average person so it takes something diff to help create new solutions.
I'm sending strengthening and clarifying thoughts and wishes your way.

:kisses:

 

[TYLERFAN]

I had been on Lexapro for a while before switching to Cymbalta. While I was on it I felt better. It's just, for me, I needed an adjustment after a while. My doctor tried a newer drug and that has worked great too.
If it weren't for some of these medications, I would not be here in a sane state. :hypnosis:
They have helped alot. I would give it a try.

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[Josie]

I took Lexapro for a while and I loved it. I took it when things were especially bad with difficult child and easy child was hurt but I realized that I had been needing it for a long time, maybe my whole life. I wasn't expecting it to work as soon as it did but the very first day I noticed that things that used to irritate me were not irritating any more.

Lexapro is what convinced me that brain chemistry can effect your thoughts, mood, and behaviour. Before I took it, I was inclined to believe difficult child could change her behaviour by using some self-discipline.

There is no shame in having the wrong brain chemistry.

I started taking 10 mg and had to cut back to 5 at first because it made me nauseous. You can take it at night or in the morning depending on how you feel. It made me yawn a lot at first so I took it at night. Both difficult child and I took it with no side effects.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im going to chime in with the others on medications helping.

An AD isnt going to be a pill that makes you into a person you arent. At least it shouldnt. It does for me which is why I cant take them...lol.

A wise therapist once told me that medications were part of a patients toolbox. If you looked out a window at a tree and saw a piece of plywood, some boards, a saw and a toolbox sitting off to the side and you wanted to build a tree house what would be the easiest way to do it?

Well you could decide to just take the plywood and lay it in some low branches and sit on it but the tree house wouldnt be very stable and it could fall out and it would be hard to climb up to when you wanted to get there.

It would be far better to go get your toolbox and nail the boards onto the tree for a ladder, then nail the plywood onto the branches so that it was sturdy.

Such it is with life. If you use your tools you have a sturdier and more stable life.

Ok...that made much more sense when looking out a window...lol.

 

[Lothlorien]

I don't have anything to offer after the others, but I agree with the basic gist that they all seem to have said. If you were puking your guts out and the doctor gave you medications to stop, you'd take them right?

I'm glad husband didn't leave. I think he realized what's going on for you and maybe he's standing his ground. Take the medications for a while. Get better. Then reassess your situation. Maybe things will get better and you two can patch it up.

This Spring seems to be stirring everyone up a bit. Allergies and depression.....what a lovely mix, huh? That mix is messing things up for a lot of us.

I hope you are feeling better, today. I hope you take to heart what Fran said. She's right, ya know!

 

[Abbey]

Thank you all for your advice. I'm in a pretty dark place right now. I somehow got to work today, but have a sub coming in to relieve me. husband is no help. I'm going to go home and sleep the best I can.

Nomad, you gave some great suggestions, which I will think about. It's tempting to make big decisions right now.

Abbey

 

[totoro]

My husband and I are struggling with some of these things you sound like you are in the same place as my husband... on some level... I take Zoloft and for me it was a gradual thing as well. I noticed my anger, my anxiety, my insomnia, all of it was not so intense. I was the same put with less of the edge.


Sometimes I wish I did have a "happy pill"!!! But fresh flowers, getting in my yard when I can, reading, this place, my therapist all help. Unfortunately these are the constant challenges of our lives and our personalities...
sending big hugs... :flower:

 

[flutterbee]

Fran said that it's not a happy pill, but for me it is. In fact, that's what I call my lexapro: my happy pills. It doesn't make you a different person. It just makes the darkness dissipate. I started to notice a difference within 5 days. Within a month I felt like I was really living again. It's like the hair color commercials - it's you, only better.

It is important, however, that you take an AD in conjunction with therapy. Depression alters your thought processes and observations and can become learned behavior that needs to be unlearned through therapy such as CBT.

 

[hearts and roses]

Hugs Abbey~I hope you find a way that works for you that you can live with. I know it's hard to take a pill without thinking it's a quick fix. Hopefully you will see it differently now and give it a try.

 

[Loris]

I also think you should think of it as a helping hand. It can help you focus without the darkness clouding your view. I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope you get the lift you need soon.

 

[Nancy]

Abbey,

I'm sorry you are so depressed and wish there was something I could do. Actually my sister is on this medication and she calls it her happy pills. She's just joking of course but she did have some serious depression issues after her heart surgery a year ago and the lexapro has helped her a lot. She tried going off it recently but foudn the depression issues stil there so she started it back and is feeling good again.

It is not a good idea to make any life decisions while you are in a depression.

Hang in there, it's difficult for our loved ones to know how to help.

Hugs,
Nancy

 

[busywend]

Abbey, do not feel bad about having to try an AD medication. Do not hesitate to try it either. You know you do not like where you are in your mind right now - so do something to change it. If you do not, you are acting like your difficult child. He keeps doing the same thing over and over with the same result.
If it does not lift you a bit, try another one. If you feel like ADs do not help you, go find something else that might - exercise, diet, rock climbing, etc. Find something that makes you smile and feel good about yourself.

Please, please, please give it a try. You deserve happiness in your life!!!

Those of us that have been there done that and know the changes you can see are probably yelling at our computers right now!