That's how I feel, so that is my subject title. Can't think of any 2 better words to describe me right now. So thats my title and I am sticking to it. The nutshell version ~ My parents were here last week ~ Matt arrives tomorrow for a 2 day visit & is struggling in his next step of his program ~ My boss is going to quit, and I am worried our VP does not like me and will fire me, and that I will be in the middle of nowhere without a job ~ And I have a super big crush on my next door neighbor ~ Blahhhhh................. (Screams Lucy to Charlie Brown) I feel totally disconnected and frazzled. I have lost my center somewhere. ~My dads brain cancer is taking an increasing toll on his mind. ~I am super nervous about Matt coming. He seems to have lost his center ground or footing - and I can feel him coming unglued at the seams a bit. God help me if he comes unglued here. It seems it has been a super long time since I have been an actual, in the moment, difficult child parent. (A year to be exact.) I am having heart palpitations. ~My job is so tenuous. I moved out here for this one career, and truthfully there is nothing else. This one company employees 25% of the population here. Seriously. If this does not work out, I will have to move. And I really like it here!!!! ~I have a super crush on the man who shares my wall. Sigh. The man who is commitment phobic - but loves watching the stars with me and taking me on hikes. Super big sigh. I am sure I am setting myself up to fail by even being interested in this guy who "does not want a relationship because we are neighbors". Too much.