Just a vent


Active Member
This has been an awful weekend with difficult child 2. He has been agressive like he hasn't been in 12 weeks. He changed because he is highly motivated by the behavior program he is in this summer. They have rewards coming out his ears that he has to earn by good behavior. The fact that the physical aggression is the only thing that changed lets me know that he can control the physical aggression, but nothing else. The program is ending this week. There is no way we could do as many rewards or the peer pressure to be good that the program does. At least now I know what he can and can't control, but I feel like I'm back at square one with him. Plus, I think the amount of effort it takes him to not be violent is huge.

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Well, Emily, as long as this is just a vent! :rofl: Sorry - that was tacky - my mom taught me better than that.

I've complained for years that we plain old parents can never keep up with all the reward systems & such that many treatment plans put in place. It tends to be a "cheap & easy" way to measure progress - but doesn't seem to be a true reflection of any internalization of what has been learned.

In the meantime, until school starts up again - what is your line in the sand? You can't take it all on at once so pick out one or two things that are your priorities in the home.

For kt here & for wm at group home, it's physical aggresssion/boundary issues & medications. I'm willing to use basket b or even blow something off until those 2 things are mastered.

Just a couple of thoughts for you. Find time for you & take it when you can get it. I can never stress enough respite for parents - even if it's an hour out with friends to have a cuppa coffee.


Active Member
So sorry things are so rough right now.........man, I know how hard that is.

Just wondering a few things.....where are you with school? Is he in Special Education, where the rewards system will be equivalent to what he had this summer? Or was this a special non-school program? If the school year will not be a motivation, then do you have a therapist that could work with you on making a reward program at home? The incentives do not need to cost money, and in my opinion, they shouldn't. in my opinion, they should be things like extra tv time, an extra 30 minutes tacked onto bedtime, extra game time, special time with Daddy, a trip for an ice cream - just things that he really likes that he can get extra of for good behavior.

Also, what about medications? If he is having this hard of time managing his anger, than I would talk to psychiatrist about a medication change. You gotta feel for the lil guy, it must be really, really hard to keep all of his emotions sucked in to get those rewards - and now - without those checks in place - he is just letting it all blow.

And, I definitely feel for you, I know how it is to deal with that hostility day in and day out. In fact, I am STILL dealing with an angry child - but once again, we changed medications and he is once again, doing better. You just never know what latest tweek or behavior mod is going to make the difference, so you just have to adjust and adjust.

Sending best wishes your way.

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I'm sorry difficult child is struggling so much right now. Linda and WW both gave good ideas just wanted to send some gentle hugs your way.


Active Member
Thanks for the responses. My line in the sand is aggression, medications, and eating. He can't be aggressive and he has to take his medications. Plus he gets things taken away for not eating. I tell him its his choice, but he can't watch t.v./play gameboy without eating dinner first. Sometimes he chooses to not eat; most times he chooses to eat.

We've been watching a lot of t.v. and playing a lot of gameboy to keep difficult child 1 calm. And, he still does aggressive stuff.

We have a reward system in place, but mostly use it for positive reinforcement and relationship building. The behavior program over the summers reward system is the first one that has made even a small change in his behavior. I think its made an impact because they spend hours each day on how to behave, peer pressure from the other kids (they also use group rewards), and constant reminders to be good. This program isn't with the school. Its with the state mental health program. He doesn't exibhit enough behaviors at school and his testing doesn't show he has a learning problem. So, I've been told he doesn't qualify for sp. ed. Its just a matter of time though before his behaviors start exhibiting at school as well. I've got an appointment with his new teacher tommorrow.

The psychiatrist just changed his medications. The psychiatrist is going to want to give it a bit before changing again. Is Risperdal supposed to be fast acting though?