Just Found Out Son is in Jail

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Catmom, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    My son called me from jail. There was a big bust at his friend's house that he was living with since I had him move out a month ago. Charged with drug trafficking, firearms, stolen property to just name a few. Although I am not completely shocked I was naive enough to think my son's friend was more on the straight and arrow then my son. I need some time to digest this and face that he will go away for at least a few years. I would just like to know when I will stop crying.
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    OMG Catmom so sorry to hear that this happened.

    Maybe the charges won't be as bad for him as they initially look. I hope not.

    I won't be on over the weekend. Sending you prayers and hugs. Stay strong!
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. Do you think your son was actively involved...or just at the wrong place at the wrong time?

  4. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    He was arrested for dealing drugs back in the summer. His sentencing for that was to be April. That charge is nothing compared to these new charges. I think he was somehow involved but not sure. My ex, who is a retired state trooper said the state police has been watching that house for a while so if he was caught, they definitely have proof.
  5. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    My heart goes out to you. I know your tears. They are on my face as well. I am praying for you. Are they releasing him?
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    It's never easy finding out our adult child is in jail. My son is also in jail again. I have lost count of how many times my son has been in jail. This time it's for assault with a deadly weapon (knife) he could be looking at 16 years.

    When our adult difficult kids are in jail we have to prepare ourselves for them ask us for help. Sometimes they want us to get a lawyer for them. I have not and will not ever get a lawyer for my son. They may also want you to pay their bail. Again, I have not and will not do this for my son. The only thing I have ever done for my son when he has been in jail is to put money on his account. I will not be doing that for him this time.

    I know how this can shake you to the core. I know how the tears flow. I wish you did not have to deal with this.

    The only thing I can offer you is this, your son put himself in a situation that did not end well. This is all on him, his choice, his consequence. He has to own it not you.
    You still need to go about living your life. It's okay to be sad about it, it's okay to cry about it but don't let it consume you.

  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Oh no, Catmom. I am sorry to read he got caught up in this. We are all here for you.
  8. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    Thank you everyone. My son has been in so much trouble before but never this serious. Charges are pretty serious and bail was set very high, so he is accepting of it and not asking me to get him an attorney or bail him out. I believe he realizes that I would refuse to give that kind of help and I made him aware the last time he was in trouble and I got him an attorney that I was done paying for his crimes. Thanks everyone, I will be fine, just shocked that he wasn't just dabbling in small stuff. I love the purple bear! I knew you guys would understand what I am going through.
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  9. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I know how you feel. Take one day at a time.
  10. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    Today seems to be better. Maybe it is bc we can finally see the sun here. I have had a reality check this weekend and have digested the info. Whether I want it or not, jail is the best place for my son as he has never followed any rules, whether it be from school, household rules or even the rules in society. I cannot remember a time when he did follow them or even show honesty at all. I am still going to be sad, but if he was as involved as implied right now, then he made some serious bad choices. I was always on the fence as to if he had any drug issues other than recreational and now I don't have to care bc he will be in jail for awhile. In the meantime, I made an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow to deal with this and not become bitter over everything. My goal is to love my son but keep the boundaries up and enjoy my family that really is a great support. Thus, I need counseling turned up a notch.
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  11. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    That is how i feel also. If my son cant, will not follow lifes rule, and he is just going to do drugs and rob, then prison is where he needs to be. Its sad. I hope your therapy will help
  12. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Same boat! I'll take the oars for awhile if you need.

    It's true, if our children break themselves against the law, then they must face the consequences of their actions. And if they won't change their actions, they need to be held in a place where they no longer have a choice.

    I guess that's an easier way for me to get my head around the fact that, Prison is the Best Place for my son. Today.

    ~ Peace
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    None of us can understand why our Difficult Child have to learn everything the hard way. Some the VERY hard way.

    It's really a mystery to me. Brain is just wired differently. Oh and the drugs. The drugs.
  14. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Well, I can't seem to get mine into rehab so maybe prison will take him! Sorry, I don't mean to sound so cynical. I'm just so frustrated. I hope your day is going ok catmom.
  15. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    I understand the frustration. He was supposed to go to rehab, right? At least on this site we are all facing different but tough issues with our kids. You don't want my problems, I don't want your problems bc they are all terrible to deal with...I know if I mention to anyone in this outside world what I am going through, their first thought would be"thank goodness my kid isn't that bad!". It can be a lonely road in that way sometimes but I am glad to chat with everyone here as we are all on the same roller coaster ride. I do pray all of us get off this crazy thing.
  16. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Yeah, catmom it is a roller coaster ride. Rehab rejected him because his needs were too 'acute'. I posted about it on the rehab thread in Substance Abuse. I guess one lesson learned - do not give your child an ultimatum of sending him to rehab to move back in.

    Sad thing about this roller coaster is tomorrow I could be right where you are, with son in jail. And you could be desperately trying to find treatment for your son. We are immune to none of these situations. Oh how I rue the day I got pregnant. Right now.
  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    We've often said if we knew he was going to suffer like this and we were all going to suffer we would not have had ours either! Sad isn't it?
  18. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I have to remind myself everyday, these are he choices. He chose to get involved with drugs and stealing. So he has to deal with the consequences. Its hard cause somedays it feels like we are dealing with the consequences also. Hes 30, so i have to remind myself, my journey is different then his. He knows what he must do. Hes not stupid.
  19. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    I completely understand Teriobe! I am now back in my warm and fuzzy place where I am not over emotional and I am able to deal with the situation. Also, therapist and you all were a big help! I am at the point where I am praying he stays in jail for some time to think about things. Not sure what the result will be but I do a lot of praying! Thanks all!