just saying hi....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by 'nette, Apr 2, 2008.

  1. 'nette

    'nette "OMI"

    wanted to introduce myself... at some point i will probably tell my whole story but for now ...i have a 26 yr old who has 4 children ...2 of whom i have custody of and the youngest at 6 weeks old is in the hospital after being shaken by her boyfriend.... she is 26 going on 14.... and a friend thought this forum may help me in dealing with the stresses of it all....
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Welcome!! I think you'll find a wealth of resources and parents who have been through this. Take some time and tell your story.

  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Welcome to the board. Hope you find as much comfort here as I have. We all have stories and surprisingly much in common. Share when you are ready.......
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I think it is so admirable when grandparents step up to the plate when parents can't or won't. I was raised by my bio-dad's parents because neither he nor my mother could ever get themselves together to do it. Thank God my grandparents were there! God bless you....
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello and Welcome,

    I am another one who was raised by my grandmother because my GFGparents were not fit to raise a fuss, let alone children.

    There is a very special bond there. To this day, I consider my Grannie to be the best friend I ever had, and she has been gone for 27 years now.

    When you're ready, please tell us your story. This is a wonderful place, and I"m glad you found us.

  6. 'nette

    'nette "OMI"

    thank you so much for the warm welcome & i will certainly take some time when i have a few moments to tell my story..... i was told that you guys were a great bunch.... & just the fact that several of you have replied in such a nice way means a lot already....
  7. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Just thought I'd add my welcome. Your friend is truly a friend indeed to point you to this site. It is most definately a soft place to land.

    Praying the young 6week old will recover strong! Very scarey.

    (((Hugs))) to you!

  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Hi 'nette, and welcome! I'm glad you found your way here. It really is a "soft place to land" and you'll receive a lot of support and good advice here.

    I hope the baby is doing well and progressing. When you're ready to talk, we'll be here to listen.
  9. 'nette

    'nette "OMI"

    thanks donna.... it's just such a mess! my daughter's own public defender advised me to not let her out of jail...and said she is destined to a longer sentence by defending the boyfriend.... she is looking at a minimum of 7 years and then will not be allowed around chidren without supervision.... they are pretty sure that little isiah will have some degree of blindness and the other permanent damage won't show up till he's about 5 or 6..... it's so sad....and all his mother cares about is this jerk that almost killed her baby..... i'm not bailing her out so she can go back to the dump she was living in .... and i can't even swear that she would appear in court.... she STILL minimizes her child's injuries and THAT makes me the most sad of all.... he has 3 broken ribs...a fractured femur and a fracture below the other knee....and was on a ventillator for 21/2 weeks....it is a miracle he made it at all...! and she denies that someone HURT her baby.... it's all so sureal...something you see on the news.... how do you as a mother support a man you've known for 2 months over your 5 week old baby?? i can't stop shaking my head....
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    'nette, I'm sure others will be along soon who can put things into words much better than I can. I can't even imagine how hard this all has been for you. She's still your daughter and I know that you love her and are still very concerned for her. I know you're looking for answers and trying to make sense of it all. But, at this point, trying to make sense of her actions and trying to understand why she has made the choices that she has is doing nothing but torturing you. There ARE no good answers for why she does what she does - she may not even know herself.

    There are many, many good threads on "detaching" on this board and you may want to search some of them out and read them. Doesn't mean that you don't still love her and care what happens to her. It means accepting the fact that she is a grown woman and that her choices are her own, as are the consequences. It means that you don't allow yourself to get so involved and entwined with her problems and identify with her so closely that she brings you down with her. She is an adult and you have absolutely no control over her actions - only she does. I'm sure you were a wonderful mother to her, but she made her own choices and picked her own path and you are in no way to blame for anything that has happened, not the tiniest little bit!

    You have been a real God-send to the grandchildren that you are raising and hopefully also to little Isiah before too long. It's a wonderful thing that you are doing and I will continue to keep him in my prayers that he heals quickly and completely. Sending lots of hugs.
  11. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi nette and welcome. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I can't imagine the pain you have gone thru. My youngest son is my difficult child. It has always amazed me how my sons are as different as night and day. Take care and know that many of us have similar stories.
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome to the board, 'Nette.

    Pull up a chair. Here is some coffee. You found a soft place to land.

    You have been an angel sent from above for this child. The very hardest thing will be dealing with your emotions about your daughter while having her precious baby in your care.

    I cannot imagine your heartache and disappointment. You must be a very strong person. That being said, you will fit right in here. This place is not for the faint at heart!