Just survived holiday with parents! Oh boy......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Aug 14, 2011.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Hi every one....been away, alone with my 2 daughter!
    First I must say that IN MY OPINION my oldest behaved very well....Sadly I must add that I'm starting to see more and more aspie traids.....don't know if this is good or bad. We have our next appointment with psychiatrist at end of month!

    Ok...this was my first visit to my parents since all the 'trouble' started with daughter 3 months ago...dr visits, diagnosed exct! So I thought this is the right time to educate my parents regarding my sons 'condition'....Oh boy...was this difficult! The problems started when me and my mom had to go out for a whole day leaving my 2 boys with my dad....not good for my sons anxiety....ok, so behaviour started picking up....he got more irritated, moody and wanted to be alone with me, me and the kids stayed together in seperate house from my parents(thank goodness). 2 Days later I had to take my mom to dr so we were away for 4 -5 more hours...So my son started phoning me every 30 min, phoned his dad, at work, even phoned his nanny at home! He was becoming desperate! Started crying over the phone...I knew he is becoming sensory overloaded! So that evening his verbal abuse became a little worse, again...not bad in my opinion, just saying once I'm silly infront of my parents. He started covering himself with blanket, got some odd looks from my parents.

    I knew what was going on, he picked up on the increasing tention between me and my parents, because my mom started making remarks that my son is minipulative and very rude. That I'm allowing him to rule my life (I was trying to cut out on the stimuli, listening to his needs).

    So the evening before the last, I went into an emotional meltdown, because my mom kept on telling me how I'm the reason for my sons bad behavior, that he will cause me many tears in the future...I kept on telling her that we are receiving help, that plenty of the behavior is out of his control, that I think he is doing well....So she just kept on rolling her eyes exct, so I started crying and screaming to her that 'she knows nothing'! It was so bad, I feel so ashamed, but it was as if I could hear myself from a distance but couldn't stop! I then just stood up and took my kids and left.
    The next day, my son was back to his old loving self.....only complained of bad headache.....He tried to be very nice to my mom...She ignored him when he talked to her, even being utterly nonverbally rude to him...My poor son couln't understand halve of it (because of misreading the non verbal...didn't even know what was wrong). He felt so sad he started crying....so I took both kids out for the day...later she tried to be bit nicer, but we had to leave next day.
    It's so sad this situation.....they stay 2 days travel distance from us, they are getting very old. It's very difficult for me to accomodate my parents and children!
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Glad you survived, but sorry it was so tough.

    When you "lost it" yourself, I bet she was thinking "So that's where he gets it from" lol The funny/ironic part is that she raised YOU , so It's her fault. LOL Duh, obviously not, you were frustrated, just as your son gets frustrated. Yes it's complicated, but sometimes 'explaining' in this really round about way helps.

    Did you take the opportunity to explain to your mom that your son did NOT understand her nonverbal rudeness and cold shoulder act and it was accomplishing NOTHING? My heart ached when I read that. Poor kid.
  3. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Keista....I was to tired to explain to her......I just was at a point where I thought that she wouldn't listen anyway or just say that I'm not seing that my son is rude or something in that line...I gave them nice printed info, must say my dad told me that she read the info 3 times after my explotion.....Hopefully she will slowly try and understand.....
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    YAY! Its a start, and it does take some ppl a long time to adjust, and even if the eventually 'get it' they don't always really 'get it'. My Aunt for example, does finally see the differences in my son and accepts that he has a 'label' but still insists that it's simply individual differences, and what's wrong with that? Ah, nothing, but are you gonna refuse to give a kid who can't walk a wheelchair? or refuse to teach a blind kid braille? NO, so why refuse to teach my kid social skills and such? It's frustrating.

    BUT since she has read the material, she picked up on your frustration, and started taking you seriously - good sign. If she becomes open to discussing your son in the future, you can use her cold shoulder treatment as a good example of stuff he just doesn't comprehend. If she had told him, with words, very specifically what she was upset about, he may have understood, and certainly would have done more for his long term learning of controlling his behavior the the nonverbal communication.
  5. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    My Dad doesn't "get it" either. I've tried educating him until I'm blue in the face. Whenever difficult child had a meltdown when he was younger it was me and husband's fault for not disciplining him. Now that difficult child is older and has outgrown a lot of the behaviors my Dad doesn't much better. He still doesn't invited difficult child to his house unless I'm going to be there [He flies easy child down to visit him for two weeks every summer - difficult child is now old enough to wonder why he doesn't get to go to Grandpa's].

    I know in my heart that I've gotten difficult child appropriate help and school accomodations. I'm proud of how we parent difficult child and I cannot control my Dad's actions. Be proud of yourself too - it's tough.