Juvie meeting - finally

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Well, we finally had our "intake hearing" at juvie for wee's "assault" charge from last Oct. Turns out, the charges stem from the principal attempting to restrain him and she had "redness" on her chest. Complete bs.

    Anyway, we were supposed to take wee, and didn't on advice of the attorney. The meeting started with the JO being all high and mighty about him not being there. An hour and 3" of paperwork later, including a letter from his doctor stating he should not be there, and she had backed WAY off. No indication that there would be anything further with this.

    HOWEVER, you'll never guess who we saw there! DEX's whack-job girlfriend! OMG. Her 13 year old kid was busted with drugs, they were there for his "hearing". We'd been there about 5 minutes when she started texting exMIL asking why we were there. ExMIL didn't answer until it was all over. She told her it was a meeting about school junk - nothing out of the ordinary (I love that woman).

    Earlier that day, husband's cousin (the one whack-job girlfriend was having a fling with) had put new tires on my vehicle. He called to ask if I could run him home if he brought the car home. I told him I could not cause I had a meeting. He asked if it was work or school bs, and I said school bs.

    Whack-job girlfriend called him to tell him she'd seen us at juvie and pumped him for info. By the grace of God, he said the same thing exMIL did - some bs school meeting.

    Maybe I borrow trouble by worrying, but I really worry what would have happened if she hadn't "found out" what the meeting was about before she got home to DEX. DEX's mo was often to play high and mighty with difficult child 1 - even tho he rarely had a clue what was going on, if fhe found out, he'd go flying to the school to fix all problems. And we suspect he'd do the same with wee if he ever heard about any of this in any sort of "timely" manner - but being he's never around, and never asks, he rarely knows anything. ExMIL doesn't tell him anything unless he asks, and he almost never does. My dad used to call it the "father of the year" routine. But what would have happened if she'd stirred the pot with him, he'd placed a call to juvie, and given them his line of "she never lets me see him" blah blah blah? Ultimately, nothing, cause his whole family would stand behind us that he has been absent by choice for 9 years, but still...we'd have to jump thru the hoops. It makes me shudder, quite frankly. And now I'm back to considering changing the custody again.

    I initially thought about it in an attempt to qualify for a medicaid waiver - if I'd get it, I'd have to agree to go after him for back support unless I had sole custody and there was adequate reason to "let sleeping dogs lie". And I have adequate reason - all wee's docs agree dex would do more harm than good and have written statements as such. And if DEX thought it was to avoid support, exMIL could probably talk him down from the PO'ed he'd be when he got the papers....I plan to go after him for support some day. But not til Wee is much older. Let that sleeping dog lie, as well.

    On another note, exMIL told me DEX was recently on probation at his job, and it was due to assaulting a patient. He's gotten 2 felony assaults that he's plea bargained down now. And exMIL said he has a new girlfriend on the side. Whack-job knows it, but she doesn't have a job, so she relies on his income to pay the bills, so she's "stuck" with him. Not that she thinks whack-job would leave, anyway.

    ExMIL also told me whack-job is still insisting she could handle wee cause her son has ADD, so she knows all about it. I don't know her son, but exMIL says they are about as similar as cheetahs and sting rays. She also tried to get DEX to get his "parenting time" with wee, but she dropped it when exMIL told her DEX has NEVER paid support. She said DEX is there at least twice a week and almost never asks about wee, which is how exMIL knows its not DEX that's caring or asking.

    So yeah, considering hiring the attorney again. I'd kinda dropped it. DEX will never go after wee. But this last little deal could be made a mess with his 5 minutes of caring and his "father of the year" routine...with her driving it. And she scares me. She's a freakin' nut job.
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm glad they backed off at mtg. hope i read it right. not so glad to hear all that craziness. sheesh i thought i had alot to deal with you beat me bigtime!! :)

    do you really think they'd do something that insane?? soo glad attny advised not to take wee.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    What was the outcome of the school bs mtg? And how is your foot doing?
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Don't have final word, but our county case mgr and her supervisor both feel juvie won't touch this with a 10 ft pole. The attorney feels the same. Since the school hired the dedicated 1:1 and stopped making wee transition multiple times a day, he hasnt had any issues...so basically situation resolved by the school finally doing what has been said for ever. They say juvie won't touch that. They'll send a response to school saying "we talked to the family - there's no "case"" and that will be it. I hope they're right.
    Foot is doing well. I apologize, again, for being absent! I am just so busy right now with work and 8-12 hours of pt a week. BUT today is day 7 of nearly normal walking - I broke a huge band of scar tissue last Friday that freed up some movement in my ankle. Its SO wonderful to walk. It still hurts, but its tolerable, and I have most of the right "motions" now to walk with only a small limp. I've walked to the barn a few times, and I got groceries Tuesday night. Pretty cool stuff, lol.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    PT is rough, sounds like you're doing wonderful. Hope they're right about Wee's case.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that juvie realizes that the school is being stupid on this and won't touch it. I had a feeling the principal was behind it - she is out to get him. Period. At least they have provided what he needs for now.

    I am sorry whackjob was even aware that you were there. Glad mother in law and the rest of dex's family are on your side. Talk to the lawyer about custody. It may be time to do that. The problem would be that if custody was waived now you might not be able to go after him later for back custody. I have a feeling he is the type to try to work under the table if custody was demanded through wage garnishment.

    Whackjob IS scary and you should be wary of her. If something happens do what you can to keep Wee from even knowing about it. I hope that at some point dex dumps whack job - bet you won't have any more custody problems then.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I talked to exMIL about it tonight. At first, she didn't think it was necessary. If left to his own devices, DEX will never know enough about wee to ever stir that pot. But whack-job is in the pot a lot. ExMIL thinks whack-job is on her way out, so she doesn't think whack-job is really a threat right now...if she gets on her "dex is the perfect man" kick again, then who knows. But exMIL got to thinking about what DEX might hook up with down the road, and by the time I left, she was really all for it. She even said he can't afford everything on his income, and whack-job's disability is gone, so now would be a good time, as financially, they couldn't do anything even if they wanted to.

    Regardless of custody, DEX will owe support. I have a friend in child support enforcement and she's advised me on how to keep it all on the books. Frankly, I doubt I ever see a dime. Don't really care, either...if I get it, bonus. If not, well...status quo...
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    There's so many ways to take that. But the one I'm thinking most gives me a flashback to the cannibalism classes discussed in another thread. Not worth much but maybe stew meat I bet.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that the meeting went well. Also glad that you had legal representation. I probably posted before when your school problem came up, I've been there done that. Although in our case, the school honcho was upste because the Manifestation Hearing went against her position...so, the school contacted local law enforcement. Even after that shock the Department of Juvenile Justice evaluator didn't even complete one page of the standard report and said "I see no reason for difficult child to be here." Lo and behold law enforcement went ahead with a charge that was expunged after one year on probation. The PO was required to visit our home once a month. He thought it was stupid and usually just drove by and waved when he saw my thumbs up. It's downright frightening how much power a poor educator can exercise! Keep your eyes and ears open, my friend. Hugs. DDD
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    D3, your kinda story is exactly why the whack-job girlfriend scares me. They won't come up with anything, but the stress of knowing one little phone call could make this sitution go from likely nothing to more hearings or possible a po is just scary.
    And yes, its scary how much power some of those people have. I used to think it was a good thing, but how often do they really get involved with the kids who really need it? Maybe its more than I know, but it sure seems that there are an awful lot of really big cracks...
    I made sure to put pics of everyone - wee, difficult child 1 and his wife and baby (a Marine picture, no less, with his awards) and easy child 1 and his girlfriend on the cover of my binder. The JO noticed it and asked who they were.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It'd be best if you could get DEX to agree to a change in custody. Maybe mother in law can convince him to just sign instead of going through the whole process of a contested court hearing.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I don't think he'd contest it one bit. It just has to go through court to be legal. I am thinking I won't have him served...maybe exMIL would agree to give him the papers and explain to him the reasons for the change. The only time he'll care is that initial shock factor...he may rant and rave and carry on, but its highly unlikely to go anywhere past that, especially if exMIL talks him down, which she can and will.
    I have occassionally ticked him off in the past few years, and he's gone to the local attorney and ranted to him a couple of times, but has never done anything more than the initial rant session. I don't expect this to be any different.
    Plus, he owes almost 9 years of child support that incurring interest at 9%. That will quickly dampen any hair brained idea he gets, 'cause he doesn't want to pay that.
    But the key to that is *think*. I don't think he'll do anything. But its kinda like poking an old dog with a sharp stick...there's always that chance. But, as exMIL said last night when I said "I don't know if I want to rock the boat" she said "Maybe you need to look at is as stabilizing someone else's boat. Someone with their whole life ahead of them." Good point, exMIL.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Yes, it would have to be filed with the court. I hope you and mother in law are right and he won't fight what is --essentially -- just formalizing the status quo.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I love your exMIL. She really gets it...

    Just glad things got toned down before girlfriend got (more) hare-brained. Sigh...

    Give Wee a hug... I so understand...
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I hope the sd doesn't try that tactic again. Unfortunately, some would then start on a mission to prove to juvie authorities that the kid does need their involvement and keep contacting cops about the kid, even if they have to create situations.

    What DDD said happened with PO is typical I think the first time a kid is on probation- the more time the kid is on it and the deeper the kid gets in the system, the more stringent it becomes. The POs seem to think that 2 visits a mo instead of one and home visits instead of office visits, etc, will somehow turn things around.
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Will exMIL make sure whack job isn't there when she talks to him about it and that he doesn't have time to talk to her about it before signing?
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I love exMIL too. She's one of my very best friends, aside from being the only mother in law I claim. I only call her exMIL here. in real life, she's just mother in law.

    Yes, she will leave whack job out of any conversation. At least the beginning of any conversation. I could see her bringing whack job in after she's talked to DEX. Whack job will need reminded of the facts of this situation, as well.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Her point about it stabilizing someone else's boat is excellent. She is an awesome lady and I am glad she is on your side (and Wee's).
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    HAHA! Too funny.