daralex
Clinging onto my sanity
difficult child is on punishment for violating our behaior contract so she is not thrilled with me at the moment . (she lied about where she was going, made me track her down and bring her home, lied, and put a young girl on the phone pretending to be the mother of the girl she was going to stay with! etc) She came out of her "cave" this eveing to get dinner and informs me that her "friend" Gus is coming to see her next weekend and they have made plans for valentine's day. My difficult child is 13 and the rule is no dating boys more than 2 years older than she is (the rule is in our contract). Gus is 16 - not allowed. How am I supposed to handle this? My gut instinct is to tell her flat out that this violates the rules and she may not see Gus or make plans with him. I know if I do this she will go KABOOM! She will yell, break anything in her room that was not broken from last fit and possibly try to run away. Is there a good/better way to handle this. No matter how it comes out she will blow and I'm putting it off at the moment for fear of the confrontation. Just to add insult to injury she tells me she does not want to move now (obviously not her choice anyway, we need to move to get her into a better school and a place where there is more gainful employment for me and my SO, moving to long islnd in May from SC) and that Gus has a trailer in his backyard that she can stay in!!!!I immediately inform her as "gently" as I can that this is not going to happen (the trailer thing). She needs to be with her family until the end of 12th garde and hopefully she can be self-sufficient enough to go pay for her own cave someplace else at that time.(if there is a God!)
So any suggestions as to how I approach this with her? I know she will blow no matter how I approach it and I am avoiding the conflict. Do I tell her now why she is still on punishment or wait until the "date" gets closer?(it's next weekend) I am so dredding this I can't begin to explain!!!!! Oh, and did I forget to mention his 16 year old foster brother drives and that is how she plans on getting around with the young raging ball of hormones!!!!!! This all came of course after her ranting that I don't let her do anything and she has no freedom. We developed the contract because as much freedom as I try to give her (sleepovers, going to concerts, going to under 21 "clubs") it is never enough and I am always seen as the anti-Christ. How do I stop the KABOOM??!!! (or at least make it less painful?)
So any suggestions as to how I approach this with her? I know she will blow no matter how I approach it and I am avoiding the conflict. Do I tell her now why she is still on punishment or wait until the "date" gets closer?(it's next weekend) I am so dredding this I can't begin to explain!!!!! Oh, and did I forget to mention his 16 year old foster brother drives and that is how she plans on getting around with the young raging ball of hormones!!!!!! This all came of course after her ranting that I don't let her do anything and she has no freedom. We developed the contract because as much freedom as I try to give her (sleepovers, going to concerts, going to under 21 "clubs") it is never enough and I am always seen as the anti-Christ. How do I stop the KABOOM??!!! (or at least make it less painful?)