All of her issues are my fault because I make her be violent because I don't let her do whatever she wants.
JJJ - I know you're probably already doing this because you seem to be an incredibly on-top-of-it mom, but I hope you are documenting this stuff - dates, times, etc.
I wouldn't even bother addressing the baby stuff anymore, other than using it as an example of her distorted thoughts and the reason why she absolutely must have 24/7 eyes on supervision.
This statement is a huge red flag - you know it. You have to find a way to either make current Residential Treatment Center (RTC) get it or find another Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I know there are rumblings about stay limits in the Collaborative now, but in my humble opinion there is no way you are going to be able to safely have a child with this thought process in your home. You're probably going to have to get the head guy in the city involved (he's *very* helpful and a good advocate for us and our kids). Besides the trauma to Kanga of a failed "homecoming", the damage to the rest of the family could take years to undo. been there done that.
I don't know how you change this train of thought, or if it even can be. My difficult child is still the same way - it's kind of funny in a twisted way that at this stage of the game he's still blaming it all solely on me, including his drug use. It's beyond irrational.
I used to hope that the grant would help difficult child learn to live with- his disability and function in the world. Nine years into it, what the grant has done is save my other kids - not the intended purpose by any stretch, but for us, that's about as good as it is going to get. difficult child has had every opportunity offered but he's just refused.
I'm sorry this is hanging over your head. Gentle hugs, hon.