Kind of down today...long story

[KTMom91]

This has been a very strange week. Miss KT turned 18 on Monday, and we went to see the administrator of the trust her grandparents set up for her (that I'm not supposed to know about) for info. Turns out it's an educational trust, and all school expenses, tuition, books, lab fees, etc. are covered. We just submit receipts and get reimbursed. The administrator was a great friend of Miss KT's Grand-dad (who passed 5 years ago), and Miss KT fell apart on the guy, telling him that she needed a laptop for school, her car was ready to fall apart, Grandma is weird...and this guy totally went to bat for Miss KT, talked to Grandma, and got not only the laptop approved...but a brand new car.

We got approval on Tuesday, and while we were getting ready to go car hunting, Miss KT asked if Hubby would drive her car to the dealer's, because she's afraid it won't make it. He refuses, fuss begins, I'm ready to leave, fuss continues, and I tell Hubby I think he's being a jerk. He hits the ceiling, we leave, buy the car, I go home, and get to hear all about how I'm wrong and I never consider his authority.

Wednesday, same old, same old, except now I have Miss KT in my ear wanting her laptop NOW. Hubby wanders around with a wounded expression. He wants me to go here, Miss KT wants me to go there, and no one wants to compromise.


Hubby is out of town Thursday, gets home Friday, and it all begins again. We need to go to Target, Miss KT wants to go, offers to drive. Hubby cops an attitude, Miss KT says, "Don't you want me to go?", and I tell them both to stay home, I'm tired of being forced to choose, I'm tired of the fussing, I'm tired of being in the middle, and I'm done. He fusses about Miss KT, she fusses about him, they blame each other for everything, and I am beyond sick of it.

I'm frustrated, ticked off, sad...I feel like I'm on eternal yard duty, but lately Hubby's been acting like the little kid. I am truly dreading the weekend.

If you made it this far...thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Star*]

Do you know.......that you did the absolute, best, most right, thing you could have possibly done and from a standpoint of a therapeutical aspect (instead of writing a check for $250) you were correct?

When I went through this with Dude and husband? Sometimes there needed to be a mediator. Sometimes I needed to take husband's side and sometimes in private I needed to remind husband that difficult child was right and we'd go back and discuss it as a family. But then there are those times when the two of them would bicker, and badger, and jockey for position of the most absurd male in the house.

It was those times that I just picked up my keys, put the dogs leash on, grabbed my purse and sometimes quietly - sometimes NOT so quietly shut the door, got in the car and backed out of the driveway and went to Krispy Kreme. I'd take the monster dog to the park, we'd have a doughnut, have a cup of coffee and I'd just talk to the only person in the house that a.) deserved to have my conversational words - Casper. b.) deserved to be rewarded with a cream filled doughnut for his behavior - Casper.

Sometimes on the way home I'd call and say nothing more than "I'm alright, but by the time I get home you two need to work this out or I swear when I get there I will come in, get a bag and leave again until you do."

Now this doesn't work for every problem in a family - and it doesn't work if Dad leaves and goes to the local pub, comes home gassed and sleeps on the lawn - but sometimes getting away during an electric moment between "steps" is a good thing. You can't always be the mediator - and they have to find common ground - which oddly enough IS you - but there has to be more. Which you CAN'T give them...so go have a doughnut .....and take the dog.

In my case at 11:00 PM - with an all white dog that has near glow-in-the-dark-eyes and a spiked collar, at his size and me carrying a Krispy Kreme bag? We cleared out the park pretty quick....lol. I just had to keep throwing the bag different directions saying "There it is.....git it."

Hugs for your "BETTER" Today

 

[ML]

I agree with Star, save yourself! Don't even try to be the mediator. That is a very difficult situation you are in. I don't have any words of wisdom other than to step back and as you said, refuse to choose. Step families are so hard to make work. I'm thinking of you today. Hugs, ML

 

[mstang67chic]

Yep, what they said.

Both husband and difficult child are old enough to figure this out on their own. You've been put in the middle for far too long. I know maturity plays into this also but you know what? From your description, I would be hard pressed to say which has the higer level right now.

They both need to get over themselves and act a little less like jealous three year olds.

 

[Star*]

And.......in the IMMORTAL words of Totoros baby girl.....when seeing doughnuts in the case?

I dont' even know what you are saying those doughnuts look so delicious

 

[Lothlorien]

Well, despite all the aggravation, Thank God for that trust fund. It's awesome that she'll have her tuition paid and all the other expenses. Whew! That has to be a huge relief for you, right?

 

[flutterby]

husband and KT are both old enough to be responsible for their own relationship.

I wonder if they get something out of this power play with you. Mom loves me more; no she loves ME more.

I would step back and tell them to figure it out, but you will no longer be a part of it.

(((hugs)))

 

[KTMom91]

I'm almost afraid to say it...but it's been a very pleasant weekend. Knock on wood that it continues.

 

[Wiped Out]

Glad to hear it's been a good weekend. Keeping good thoughts this continues!