letter from son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Jul 6, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Few weeks ago i sent a letter to son in prison. Told him i reached the end of my rope. That once again im in therapy. And the two people who need it most dont go. Him for his problems and hubby for being unaffectionate. And i really dont feel like speaking to him much. Of course he understood and took responsibility but i didnt feel relieved cuz he just wants me to stick around to manipulate more. I dont trust his motives. Im his only link to outside prison, and only one he has in world. Everyone turned their backs and left me holding the bag. Family members are so two face turning their backs on him by not sending him a birthday card in prison but continue with others who have longer rap sheets. Or continue with others who smoke mj everyday, sister's boyfriend. Sick of putting everyone first.
     
  2. Blighty

    Blighty Member

    Everyone around you seems to do as they please. We don't know their real motives for what they do; it's a mystery but we can't change them so not worth spending too much time analysing what or why they do it unless it helps us discover why we feel so emotional about it and helps us acknowledge what is going on inside us.

    "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves" Carl Jung.

    It's easy to find fault with others; people let us down. It's easy to feel hurt by their actions or inactions; but i find dwelling on it just prolongs the hurt. I don't want to hurt over the silly choices of other people. If they are silly maybe its because they are just not capable and you can't get blood out of a stone, so you'll alway be disappointed if you expect them to act in a certain way.

    One of your principles seems to be a sense of duty, which is admirable; but maybe you think everyone should have your principles too. Perhaps they are just doing what is right for them. Maybe you need to do what is right for you regardless of what they do.

    Perhaps your sense of duty should be more towards yourself. Caring and nuturing yourself first; like caring for a precious individual that you are. Because you are worthy of receiving such care and compassion. I hope you will make it a priority.

    Happiness is a choice. I have been a bitter person in the past. It's kind of like second nature to act that way and it doesn't have to be.I don't want that. I want to get out of that mindset. It's not helping me. I want to be authentic and happy.

    hugs to you xx
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We have no control over how others choose to react toward us. I had to learn that our judging others doesnt help them or us. Feeling like the victim (as I did) just kept me in a huge pity party.

    I had to learn the truth...I cant expect others to fulfill me. It has to come from me. You can create your own peace and happiness, independent of your husband and son. And thr others in your family. You can find supportive friends who meet your needs and most of all you can learn how to meet your own needs. It is so frutal and sad to spend so much time angry at others. It is kinder to all, ourselves included, to take responsibility for our own happiness. We are all we can truly count on. Are you still in therapy to help you find peace from within? Aside from son and husband doing what you wish theyd do?

    Good luck. It is not easy or fun to feel others are letting you down. But you can learn not to let YOU down. Hope you do.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Agree with Blighty.

    I have really made 2017 more about me than since I was young and carefree.

    I'm tired of suffering. It does my son no good. It does me even less good.

    I lost ten pounds. I've been walking 1.5 to 2 miles five days a week. I am eating healthier.

    I am embracing the good things in my life and letting go of the things I cannot control.

    I am learning how to be more selfish if you want to call it that.

    I feel better when I step way back from my son and his struggles.

    It's really a mindset and you have to get to that place in your own head. I think things will be better for you when you do!
     
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  5. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Thanks
     
  6. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Pain Is Inevitable; Suffering Is Optional