I'll be graduating from the phlebotomy program in mid June. I can hardly believe it. I did much better than I ever thought I could. (even if algebra is going to bring down my GPA seriously lol) It sure is nice to know I've still got a functioning brain. But now that I'm almost thru the program the thought of poking people for blood the rest of my life just doesn't quite do the trick, if you know what I mean. I've always had a weird sort of gift for anything medical. It comes easy for me. So I've been thinking about the future again. If phlebotomy isn't what I want, then what would be more satisfying and more suitable for me? Lately I've considered being a paramedic. Nope. While it would be interesting getting a job around here at the age I'd be upon graduation (46) would be next to impossible. And it can be seriously physically demanding. Taking the required EMT/first responder course this quarter ran this fact home. CSI lab might be interesting. But not only would I have to go to school in cincy, I'd also have to work in one of the major cities. No thank you. Then tonight while easy child was tutoring me in algebra I asked her if she thought I'd be able to work while getting my pre recs for RN next year. Just sort of pops out of my mouth. (although it's been running thru my mind often) I could probably make it thru the program just fine. But there is a year's worth of pre rec courses. The program is 2 yrs (assoc. degree). And the waiting list for this program is Loooooong. There are people waiting til 2011! That's 3 more years of school. OMG And with husband without a permanent job we really NEED me to go to work. Then I run the risk of not getting accepted into the program til 2011. Although it you can keep your GPA high enough they'll accept you much faster. Now the last point is really something that I don't talk about much (and try not to think about either). I'm right on the line for dialysis with the kidney disease. Since I haven't been able to get to a nephrologist in forever for all I know I could now be a prime candidate for dialysis, especially with the trouble I've had over the last months. So I have to face the fact that I might not have til 2011 to wait to get in to this program. (one prime reason I need to work is for insurance) Not to get morbid, my disease is terminal and I know I'm in the end stages. 27 yrs ago I started LPN training. Being bipolar, and 19 and overstressed an incident caused me to walk out of the program with only 2 weeks to graduation with a solid A average. I've spent a lifetime regretting that moment of immature stupidity. In my secret heart of hearts when I went back to school in sept it was to see if it was possible to finish what I started 26 yrs ago. I won't do LPN because here they're only hired for nursing homes. And I'm not that 19 yr old fool, if I decide to do it, I'm going to the top. At this late stage this probably sounds pretty out there. That's alot of time and money when I don't even know if I'd be able to finish due to health. But d@mn it, I've always felt like a failure because I didn't stick out that 2 weeks. It's hard to put this into words. I guess for once in my life I'd like to follow a dream, instead of worrying about how it affects everyone else. I'd like closure and to correct a mistake I made all those years ago. I'd be able to come full circle. At least this is what I think when I'm not worried about the physical or financial side of it. Right now I'm just thinking out loud, so to speak. I really don't have anyone I can talk this over with. If the subject of my illness comes up my family prefers to stick their heads in the sand. It's not something they can comfortably talk about. So I guess I'm hoping tossing it out here will help me come to a decision. Thanks for letting me ramble.