like living a nightmare..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Sep 15, 2010.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    Today after school difficult child apparently saw some friends leave on their bike to go somewhere. He asked if he could go but since they were already off the block and I had no idea where they were going, I said no. ( our rule is that you can ride your bike around the block or to the park,etc.. if you use the buddy system) I did not want to allow him to try and catch up with the kids because with difficult child, if you give an inch, he takes a mile. So I felt if I gave in and let him set off on his own to find them, he would at a later date throw that in my face and say "you let me go by myself last time"
    difficult child became enraged at this and because at the same time his little brother had tried to ask him about borrowing something, difficult child started to harrass the little guy and lay hands on him. Of course difficult child is denying touching him saying he is just coming close to hitting him. difficult child would not leave brother alone so I stepped to physically seperate him away and difficult child started shoving me around, kicking, slapping, etc.. At 10 yrs old, difficult child is my ht. and out weighs me by about 10 or more lbs.
    I took my younger one and went into the car and sat there for a while. When I went back in the house, difficult child was doing homework and calmly asked me to help him!
    I really wanted to call the police when he was abusing me but I was afraid to. If you have called police on difficult child, what happened? Will they take him away or just talk to him and sort of scare him?
    I finally got an appointment. with a neuropsychologist. but now have to wait to see if ins. will cover it. If not, I don't know if we can afford it! I do not even know how to get difficult child to go as he has adamently stated he needs no help, he has no problem and that we (his parents and brother) are the problem because we annoy him, won't leave him alone, and don't let him do what ever he wants. He looked me straight in the eye the other day and said that I and his Dad were the ones who need help, not him. Yet after major blow ups where he totally loses it, he later cries and apologizes that he can't help himself from getting so angry and wished this family could all get along and have fun! Yeah, so do I.
    Anyway, thanks for listening.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Mine was 11 yo when I first called police. The few times I called them at that age for erratic behavior, they brought him home if he was gone and either way, they gave him a stern talking to. The time he hit me, they arrested him for assault even though I did not want them to. As he got older and ended up with mental health diagnosis's, the police calls were more about whether or not he should be TDO'd. That was the case from 12yo-14yo. Two weeks after turning 14yo, he pulled a knife on me. That police call was me asking them- no demanding- that they arrest him and hold him in detention. He was sent to state Department of Juvenile Justice but part of that was because he was already on probation for other offenses when that occurred. He was released this past spring on juvenile parole but is already back in state Department of Juvenile Justice for parole violations and cutting money out of my pocket while I was asleep.

    Going back to your situation, all I can offer is that with some kids, a stern talking to by the police works. For some it doesn't. It only seemed to reinforce whateever state of mind my son was already in. When he was trying, he did fairly well.. When he wasn't, nothing made a difference.
  3. Wiggles77

    Wiggles77 Guest

    hi sjexpress:

    I can SO relate to this. I can't offer you any help since I am still trying to figure out how best to deal with my 6 year old, who seems to get into those weird fits of rage as well.

    I just wanted to tell you that I understand and feel for you. Hopefully some of these outstanding mothers can offer some advice. Best of luck!
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm sorry you had to go thru that, you showed great restraint by the way. i dont' think i could of if my little one was being gone after and than he turned on me. i've only been in shoving situations with my difficult child. yet the times she did it i told her next time your hands are on me we are in the truck headed to a hospital. that seemed to work. yet sounds like he goes into full blown tantrum and starts swinging so logic on any level during that won't work, it'll just escalate it.

    i wouldn't wipe in under the table at all though. i know you fear him blowing again yet that's him controlling your house also. if i were you i'd sit down with-your husband and him tonight. you say your husband doesn't want to deal with-difficult child. he has no choice can't just be you. i'm sure difficult child also senses that, sux but they do. when i get to that point with-mine and i detach she comes after me more. reverse effect go figure.......

    i'd give him a verbal that the next time his hands are on you in anyway the police will be called, there will be no way around it. i'd also punish him now. take his bike away for a certain amt. of days. yet i wouldn't let it go unaddressed. sounds like you have a pretty good handle on his strengths, weakens and taking the bike will def. upset him and make an impression.

    sorry you had to go thru that. your little one must of been nervous also. can the school test him? does he act out there at all? insurance companies lately i'm finding are rough. so are getting evaluations. can you go thru insurance co. bring him to any pyschdr. and they will do an evaluation. at least they do here in n.y. certain pysch won't, they charge cash for evaluation usually the really good ones.

    just wondering do you guys do a family nite thing all four of you at all? sounds crazy with what's going on yet i'm just wondering. sometimes when you throw that inbetween coming down hard with-verbal threatening about hands and police it throws them off a bit. good with-bad sort of thing.

    sorry my difficult child's bugging me lol.

    alot of luck to you!!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sjexpress, I know the feeling. These kids get over things so quickly, and we are left to stew in our juices for days.
    I have called the police on my difficult child. They do not take him away once they figure out he's got spec needs. They may take him away if you plan ahead. Of course, it also depends upon what he did to provoke you to call the police in the first place. If all the windows are broken and your nose is broken, they very may well take him away.
    In one case, the police came and saw the overturned chairs, the broken plate, etc. and knew that some sort of altercation had gone on. (Be sure not to move anything if there is upended furniture. You need to paint the scene. A picture paints a thousand words and all that.)
    You can also set up an appointment with-the juv system to give your difficult child a tour. I did that. An officer will take the two of you through the cells/rooms and the lunch area and classroom area. They may or may not show you everything, because if it's crowded. there will be lots of kids and you're not supposed to see them. They are underage and the police are supposed to not expose their identities. At any rate, you and your little one will have a good enough idea from what you are allowed to see. Maybe that will put a scare into him.
    In the meantime, when he is very calm and you are alone, sometime soon (in the next 8 hrs) talk to him about what he did and how wrong it was. He will blame you, of course. But you explain calmly that he is not allowed to to do that or you will call the poiice. Try not to show him you are scared. That gives him too much power.
    I hope that helps.