Losing it

I am so tired of having to be go between my husband and my 3 yr old difficult child. I have not posted in a long time. Too tired and worn out. husband still does not know how to deal with difficult child, and doesn't even want to try. Started a new job September 16th and am no longer a stay home mom. Don't know that going back to work was a good thing for difficult child. I think it was very hard on him. husband layed off and staying home all day with difficult child. God help us!

Anyhow for those of you who remember me, I did have difficult child allergy tested in October. The Pediatric Allergist said that he was not allergic to any foods or pets, but he was very allergic to mold, dust, dirt, crops, grass, hay etc. And get this, we live right across the street from a Milo field. Anyhow she took him off Zyrtec for his allergies, because she said that it can make some people hyper. She started him on Claritin ready tabs, gave him a nasonex nasel inhaler, and also some albuterol solution for a breating machine, because she said that he was a mouth breather, and thought he might have the beginning stages of asthma, so I am to give him breathing treatments whenever he is coughing or wheezing.

I also took him to the Pychologist, and his initial opinion was that difficult child was much more hyperactive than the average 3 yr old. He however did not recommend medicating him so young. He did note some anger in Justin and gave husband and me some behavior modification things to try. Said that spanking and yelling at a child like difficult child did not work. Time outs were much more effective, or holding him in a bear hug if in a rage until he calms down. difficult child really grew to like the Psychologist. We will return next Friday for a second visit and see what his second opinion of difficult child is.

Now I have been faced with another delemia. My difficult child returned to his old babysitter that he was last with at 10 months old when I returned to work. Everything was great the first 2 weeks, then the 3rd week he became very unhappy and withdrawn. The baby sitter told me that he cried all day and missed me. He went from napping and having fun the first 2weeks, to not playing with the other kids, refusing to eat or nap. Sitter informed me of this and we both agreed that he missed me bad. Anyhow always asked her how difficult child was doing and she would say "he cries for you, but he is doing fine. To make a long story short, I was to only put him in to begin part time, but baby sitters husbands hours got cut back way back at work, so I either had to do full time or not at all, so I jumped to quick and went full time. Anyhow 3 weeks ago Monday I was giving difficult child a bath and when I washed his hair he cried and said ouch Mommy that hurts don't touch my head. I asked why and he said that babysitter hit him on the head. I did not think much of it because I knew that he wanted me back home, and I just thought he was being manipulative. The next day my husband drops him at the sitters and he starts bawling again like he had the past 3 weeks. Baby sitter said he will be fine after you leave. At noon I get a call at work and she sounds frantic and tells me that she did not think that she could watch difficult child anymore. I said what is the problem? You have been telling me everything is alright, no signs of hyperactivity, not getting along with kids, he is fine. She says well I thought I could handle it, but he stuffs his food everyday in his mouth and refuses to eat it but stuffs mouth so full he gags on it and vomits it up on the table everyday. Now all the others kids are copying him and also crying when their parents drop them off and pick them up. Told her that I was sorry, but would have liked to know this, but would come pick him up. When I got there he was very happy to see me, but the sitter looked like she had been bawling. Anyhow her daughter who helps and a young man who lives with them all like ganged up on me and told me that he was never happy like that and playing with the kids when I was not there. I said goodbye and took difficult child home. When we got home I gave him a bath and again he cried when I washed his hair. I truely beleive now that the sitter did hurt him. He has told me more and more everyday without me asking. The story I beleive it complete now in my difficult child's words "Mommy she hit he on the head with my shoe, and shook my hair. I asked him to show me and he did but said I don't want to hurt you Mommy. Even pointed out his heavy hiking boot as the shoe she hit him with, and grabs a fist full of my hair and started shaking my head back and forth. I am so angry that she could have done this
I mentioned it to the Psychologist, and he said that he would take it very serious if my child told me someone hurt him. Even though I cannot prove it, especially if my son is not apt to telling made up stories, which he is not. Any how the Psychologist told me that I handled it well what I told my son, "I am sorry if she hurt you, you never have to go back there again, and I will never let her hurt you again.

Any suggetions from anyone. Should I confront her? My sister in law says I should turn her in so that it gets put on her record in case others might be being abused.

I do have some good news however, I put difficult child into Baptist PreSchool M, W, F mornings from 9-11:30 am and he loves it. Very structured. The teacher even said that he got to be at the front of the line the other day, which is an honor. They make all kinds of art projects and learn lots of things. He is so happy when he goes and comes home now. Please think of me in your prayers I need all of the support I can get. Took difficult child off of Efalax October 15th. Think I might notice a change for the worse but Hard to tell with all that has gone on. Kept him on the Melissa Supreme however.

Take care to everyone and sorry so long.

Sherry Justins Mom


New Member
If he has allergy and asthma problems I would not recommend taking him off of essential fatty acids based on my experience with Kyle. Efalex got rid of his allergies and asthma because it boosts the immune system. And Lord knows it helps Kyle's behavior and kept him off of further medication such as lithium or depakote.

I used to have constant sinus infections also. I started taking the same vitamins that Kyle takes (50 mg B-complex, 25 mg zinc, 250 mg C) plus I take Flax oil and Fish oil daily. I have not had a sinus infection for over two years so I think my problem must have been a very weak immune system. Garlic has slight antibiotic properties and I take one garlic pill per day also, and so does Kyle. (Helps with cholesterol problems too!)

If he is on antibiotics a lot you may want to give acidophilus/bifidus with each meal, as antibiotics kill the "good" bacteria in the gut while letting the bad overgrow, such as Candidia yeast. Garlic tablets help with this also. I have noticed with Kyle that he is not nearly so hyper when I stick with the acidophilus/bifidus regularly. I think it is because he is allergic to Candidia yeast plus serotonin is produced in the gut also. Kyle uses Nature's Way Primadophilus Jr. from Vitacost. Get a brand you have to keep in the fridge as this prolongs the life of the bacteria. When he starts getting really hyper I simply double his Primadophilus for a few days and he gets back to his normal hyper level.

It is so hard for us not to get depressed ourselves dealing with the daily emotional ups and downs that we have to go through wtih our kids. It takes so long to find out what is affecting them and what works, and adding to the picture is that what works for my kid may not work for yours. It is a long,drawn out process. But perseverence and education is the key and focusing on their long-term improvement and not feeling sorry for ourselves (sometimes hard to do!) helps. I can remember getting really depressed when Kyle's behavior was at it's worst and really thinking that he would have to be put in an institution. Then I got mad and decided that I was going to learn all I could about ADHD and related disorders and spent literally hundreds of hours on the Internet learning all I could. Eventually you start piecing things together and come up with a decent combination of diet, supplements, medications, change in parenting methods, change schools, etc. If nothing else the process of elimination helps. I always suggest to parents that they get a fasting glucose test, a thyroid panel and allergy testing just to eliminate the possibility of problems in these areas because they can cause behavior problems and ADHD syptoms. Even if you don't utilize their services, simply going to websites for Great Plains Labs and Great Smokies you can learn so much.

I'd report this to the state licensing agency and/or CPS. Other people's kids may be in harm's way also.

Based on what you've written, I seriously doubt your 3-yr old is fabricating this story.

So sorry your little one experienced this. Sounds like you have your hands full all around.

laura mz

New Member
i agree with-alisha...a call to cps & the state liscensing board (is she liscensed or does she stay under the number required for that?) is definitely in order. i'd call first thing monday morning. poor little guy. this stuff sounds too detailed & consistant for him to be making it up.



New Member
Poor you! Poor difficult child!! Gee-whiz ... I have to say that if my 3 year old difficult child described what you described, I think I'd be wondering about who to call... very unusual for a 3 year old to make stuff like that up. The fact that difficult child is doing so well at the new place adds even more validity to the whole situation. Best of luck to you.

Did you speak to the sitter? This kind of incident should be investigated. Other children could be in danger of abuse.

Absolutely report her. Be prepared for all the finger pointing at your child....but report her all the same. Your child might be a handful but he still has the right to and deserves safety in his daycare....no matter how he behaves. YOU pay for the right to know if there are problems and to leave your child in a safe environment - no matter his behaviour.

From what you've written she has had EVERY opportunity to discuss problems, and you've been honest with her about your difficult children issues. From what he reported back to you and his new behaviour at the new day care - that points more to his honesty. Report her - what if she gets another child with issues - is that how she's gonna handle it? Keep it quiet and be abusive to the child. No way!

I also have a 3 year old with ODD issues and I know that my husband and I constantly disagree on how things need to be handled. If you ever need to talk - please email me.

Oh and I agree that you should keep him on EFAs. They help so many issues - I've got all my kids on it and its helping my 8 year olds memory and concentration problems no end.

Hey guys, thanks for all of the replies.

I agreee that I should not have taken difficult child off the EFA's, I plan to restart those at a higher dosage. My understanding was that a 3 year old only took 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening according to instructions, but everyone is telling me 4 in the morn and 4 in the evening for 12 weeks then go down to 2 in the morn and 2 at night. I did 4 a day for the 12 weeks, and I did see some change. I will start again and increase to 8 a day and taper down.

No I have not spoken to the babysitter. I am too angry. difficult child has his psychologist appointment for the second time on Friday, and I am going to see what his opinion is.

My son is doing wonderful in PreSchool, no problems. So I know that there had to be a problem at the sitters.

He is so happy now everyday knowing that he does not have to return to her house, however whenever he gets punished, he cries I don't want to go to the sitters, like it is some sort of punishment or something. He has been informed that I will never allow her to see him or hurt him again. His spirits have gotten much better the last coupel of days.

Will keep everyone posted on new developments. I will report her, however I do not know if I will contact her.


Well, given the sensitivity of the post, I won't address it directly. I'll just speak in hypothetical terms.

If I ever encountered a situation where I suspected that my child was being hurt, I would confront the individual as well as the daycare/school that was taking care of my child. I would also wait around until other moms came to pick up their children and approach them and ask them if their child is complaining that he/she is getting hurt at the place. I would report the individual and the daycare/school to the appropriate authorities and licensing agencies. Most importantly, I would pull my child out of the daycare/school IMMEDIATELY.

Above all, I would NEVER, EVER leave my child in a daycare, whether a private home or a business daycare, where there are males hanging around (other than the children who attend the place), young or otherwise. And I cetainly would not feel in the least bit that I owed anyone an apology or an explanation for subscribing to that belief.

When we leave our children with other people, we never really know what is happening and what kind of people we are truly leaving them with. The person could be short-tempered and hit the poor little thing and then lie to us by telling us that the child fell or that the child got into a fight with another child and that is how he got hurt. The person or someone in her family could also be a child molester.

When our other child was little, I used to visit the day care unannounced in the middle of the day or morning to see what was going on. I always worried about potential abuse.

Anyway, good luck to you and I hope everything turns out OK. It sounds as though this new placement is working out for him.

I agree with Keepgoing about talking to other parents. If I were a parent of a child in a daycare and another parent had an issue with the provider like that, I would be furious if I were not told. Kids react different ways, and my kid may not be telling me what happened.

Personally, I would not confront the daycare provider unless I knew other parents had issues, but I would report her.
Good luck, and I'm glad you found a great place for your son!

I posted a reply to on the edge Autism post today.

I never did confront the babysitter, was to angry and affraid what I would do to her. Have had so many problems with difficult child the last month and have still not contacted Child protective Services. I cannot even explain why other than I do not know the number. My sister in law works with foster children and she is going to give the # to me.
Anyhow to know what is going on with difficult child read my post to on the edge regarding her Autism article.