4sumrzn
New Member
I found this wonderful place awhile ago & have posted before about being "scared" to post about my difficult child & our life. I guess I just need to vent tonight as I'm "trying" to hold back the tears (made that mistake ONCE & experienced how much difficult child enjoyed it) and my shadow is close by as I finally put the headphones on for a bit of "music to my ears" to hopefully avoid the tears.
*please forgive the typing errors, plenty I'm sure*
I think I'm looking for a way to feel like there is "a light at the end of the tunnel for difficult child" and my family that suffers every day! Is that OK to say????
difficult child has my head spinning in directions that I try to stop & get back on track.....she loses me ..."OUT THERE SOMEWHERE" is what I want to say SO BADLY. I know she is the one picked on & made fun of all of the time because she is "different"....not normal & needs help. The help?? I feel like I'm on a Merry-Go-Round {motion sickness inserted here} trying to do what is best for her & always have the feeling of failure.
Every day is a battle. Never knowing what will happen next. She's loud....she hurts people & animals (a bit more gentle the past few months)...EVERYTHING is opposite (open it, she closes it...turn it on, she turns it off.....put clothes away, she pulls them out...runs in front of moving cars, I could go on). She has obsessions....smells EVERYTHING....licks things (trash cans, YUCK). Oh my, I'll quit.....my vent is VERY long...SORRY!
I know this is a very long road...
I try my hardest to make it as smooth as possible..
I know some days are a bit better than others..
I know there is a reason why I was blessed with this little girl....
I try to give it my all..
I feel like there is always MORE I can do & can't find it..
I catch myself needing mental breaks & feel guilty...
Yes, we are waiting on a complete evaluation at Cincinnati Children's Hospital (finally have one..5/2008)
difficult child has been visiting a Neurologist 1/04...Psychologist...Psychiatrist & had a IEP set in Kindergarten. medications...yes.
WHY do I feel like I can't give her MORE?????????
*please forgive the typing errors, plenty I'm sure*
I think I'm looking for a way to feel like there is "a light at the end of the tunnel for difficult child" and my family that suffers every day! Is that OK to say????
difficult child has my head spinning in directions that I try to stop & get back on track.....she loses me ..."OUT THERE SOMEWHERE" is what I want to say SO BADLY. I know she is the one picked on & made fun of all of the time because she is "different"....not normal & needs help. The help?? I feel like I'm on a Merry-Go-Round {motion sickness inserted here} trying to do what is best for her & always have the feeling of failure.
Every day is a battle. Never knowing what will happen next. She's loud....she hurts people & animals (a bit more gentle the past few months)...EVERYTHING is opposite (open it, she closes it...turn it on, she turns it off.....put clothes away, she pulls them out...runs in front of moving cars, I could go on). She has obsessions....smells EVERYTHING....licks things (trash cans, YUCK). Oh my, I'll quit.....my vent is VERY long...SORRY!
I know this is a very long road...
I try my hardest to make it as smooth as possible..
I know some days are a bit better than others..
I know there is a reason why I was blessed with this little girl....
I try to give it my all..
I feel like there is always MORE I can do & can't find it..
I catch myself needing mental breaks & feel guilty...
Yes, we are waiting on a complete evaluation at Cincinnati Children's Hospital (finally have one..5/2008)
difficult child has been visiting a Neurologist 1/04...Psychologist...Psychiatrist & had a IEP set in Kindergarten. medications...yes.
WHY do I feel like I can't give her MORE?????????