Well at least I know now it isn't a slow metabolism lol (trying to stay light here)
NO, it's not a slow metabolism, it's fast footwork and light fingers.
Seriously - boys especially, as they approach and then hit puberty, become garbage disposals. They can get very jekyll & Hyde when it comes to behaviour, when they get hungry. My friend's son would get quite aggressive quite suddenly, when he got "the munchies". He would be almost in tears with fatigue & hunger, extremely rude (born of desperation) and once he'd eaten he would mellow out and relax. My friend learned to keep the fridge stocked with moderately healthy foods able to be grabbed and eaten.
I found things simmilarwith difficult child 1 (to a lesser extent) but easy child was my biggest problem when it came to junk food. We avoided having junk in the house but she would spend every cent of pocket money, as well as barter, trade or worse, to get whatever she could. She'd come home from school (which for us included a long wait at the wharf for the school ferry) and would use that time to load up on rubbish, then not be hungry for GOOD food when she got home. She'd have no room for roast chicken, because she had filled up on hot chips with gravy. She has always had a tendency to be pudgy but now is very much overweight (would qualify as obese, unfortunately).
The other kids - skinny. easy child has claimed it's because they're on stims and she isn't, but I don't think so because I was a skinny kid and husband was only slightly chubby when he lived at home because his mother would really push food into her kids; when he left home, he went to what he considered his correct size and shape (appropriately lean).
So, several things -
1) Do your utmost to limit access to the "bad" food. If that means everyone in the family has to be on a diet, then so be it. I firmly believe everyone should learn to eat healthily and wisely, from a very early age. There were times when husband & I would allow certian treat foods, but only so long as the privilege wasn't abused by kids sneaking these rationed foods and ruining it for everyone. Parents have to abide by the same restrictions - I've always been very annoyed with parents who have one rule for their kids and another for themselves. An example - a parent who insists that a luxury food such as smoked salmon, bought for a special festival (such as Christmas) may only be rationed out for the children a slice at a time as part of a salad with a meal, but who then sits down to a plate of smoked salmon "leftovers" because of course, as a parent, they already know how to have self-discipline! (I've seen it, I didn't believe it nor did I appreciate it).
We would sometimes yield to kids wanting certain foods for their school lunches (in Australia, very few schools provide lunch for the kids, you have to send your kid to school with a lunchbox). I might buy something but I would know how many were in a packet and how long it SHOULD last. If it ran out sooner, I would not buy replacements until it should have run out. However, if it repeatedly ran out early, I would quickly stop getting it at all.
The reasoning - why buy special foods, as a family treat, if only one person is getting to enjoy them? Why spend money on something that is basically getting wasted? (or should I say, "waisted"?)
2) Stock up on "unlimited" foods, ones which he can indulge in to satisfy hunger. Cooked protein is ideal, if you're watching his weight. But be careful about being too fussy about a kid's weight, especially a boy - they sometimes seem to have puppy fat but at puberty it rapidly can transform into muscle. Males, especially young ones, have an amazingly high daily caroie expenditure, they never fully appreciate the weight loss struggle of an older woman because for them, it is rarely an issue. (my neurologist has now stopped telling me how easily he can lose weight - and therefore I should find it similarly easy - since I quoted some of Australia's best diet sources at him, which explain WHY women can't lose weight so easily as men). So stock up on cooked sausages, cooked chicken, boiled eggs. When I roast achicken, I always roast a large one (or roast a second one) so we have cold cooked chicken. It can be eaten cold or it can be reheated in the microwave. Or it can be made into a fabulous sandwich (spread wholegrain bread with mayonnaise, add some warm cooked chicken and some lettuce, and enjoy!). A warm chicken sandwich can really satisfy a teen boy's hunger cravings and give him the nutrition he needs.
3) Substitute calories and carbs with flavour. Switch carbs to wholegrain, limit concentrated high-fat carbs entirely. Use more herbs and other natural flavours in your food. For example cut back on butter but replace with mayonnaise, or pesto sauce, or low-fat cream cheese. Again, do this for the whole family. If you have underweight family members, they need not suffer - again, modify their diet only a little to make sure they get good quality calories and not empty calories.
4) Locking away forbidden food can help to a certain extent (although putting ice cream in the car boot will only work in a US winter! In an Aussie summer, we can't buy ice cream at the supermarket because in the half hour it takes to get home, it becomes a puddle). However, if food is locked away it takes on "forbidden fruit" allure as well as a certain sense of inappropriate value (valuables such as gold and silver get put under lock and key). It again can come back to "not playing fair" and having different rules for the adults, simply because it's the adults who have the power (my smoked salmon example). Discipline under those circumstances loses the sense of honesty and fair play that you need for a good lesson, and instead becomes one of following rules because you have to, not because you see the need and sense in it. If you only follow rules while you have to, you will break those rules as soon as opportunity allows - nothing is learned. Example - a sign that says, "Keep off the grass in bare feet" at a park where the lawn is beautifully manicured, lush and green. The day that sign goes missing is the day you want to rip off your shoes and run barefoot through the park to enjoy the velvety green softness.
So longer-term - it's best to have NO locks, except the front door. Inside your home is inside the food safe, where all food is permitted as long as it's put on the shopping list when used up. The locks should only be used, when needed short-term, to keep food safe which is intended for the next FAMILY meal. For example, if there is a portion of cooked chicken meat which I intend to use to make a chicken risotto for dinner tonight - if I suspected my child didn't have enough self-control, I would hide the food needed for dinner.
5) If you can, bring dinner time forward. Alternatively, if you know you have a really hungry kid on your hands, prepare that child's dinner the day before if necessary, and leave it in the fridge. A kid who gets hoome from school and rummages in the fridge to fill up on carrot sticks, chicken legs and lettuce is a kid who mightn't eat all the beef casserole you cook for dinner, but does it matter? And if the child wants some beef casserole as well - let him. If he fills up on savoury food, he will eat less ice cream and jelly. He's probably burning it all up anyway.
I often find difficult child 3 rummaging in the freezer for bread (which he will eat dry and frozen, often taking the last of it and denying all knowledge). He usually does this in late afternoon or early evening when he would happily eat dinner, if it was ready.
6) Now to deal with the underlying cause of the problem - WHY? I really wish I'd dragged easy child to counselling, but she was VERY resistant. I didn't push the issue because I didn't want an anorexic. With hindsight, I think it would have been preferable. Bad as anorexia is, as life-threatening as it is, obesity is also really bad for your kids too. There were so many underlying reasons for easy child to be over-eating, but attempts at getting counselling for her had been a disaster. With hindsight, I should have gone private and insisted that she cooperate. But as the old folk song says, if wishes were fishes we'd all cast nets in the sea...
I recently was given a possible cause where easy child is concerned, a purely physical cause. Before she was born, I had to be hospitalised because in the last couple of months of pregnancy, I began to lose weight. ONly apound or two, but the doctor did blood tests which showed the placenta was failing, it was dying. In hospital I had blood tests done every two days to monitor the placenta function. An ultrsound showed I had a tiny baby who had no fat layer, she would be hard-pressed to survive. I had to stay in bed, lying on my side, and rest. The doctor hoped that with this and time, the baby wuld begin to get some meat on her bones. But after a few weeks it became clear that we had run out of options. The day came when we were told she would be better out than in, the placenta was almost done. So she was induced, three weeks early. She was tiny but had gained a little weight. She was about 5 pounds the day we left the hospital a week later.
By six weeks old she had doubled her birth weight.
I've since been told by a doctor whose son is at difficult child 3's drama class, that her daughter similarly suffered from placental insufficiency, and also has always had a weight problem. And yes, there is a link - in the same way that starvation diets can slow your metabolism and backfire on you to make you gain weight afterwards, a baby who has been prenatally starved (as easy child was) is much more likely to have long-term weight problems. Since finding this out I have been urging easy child to get a referral to see an endocrinologist and/or gastroenterologist, to see what can be done to help her; however, she is currently in wedding planning mode and can't be deflected from this. I really worry about her and about BF1, they both are obese and although at times have made an effort to lose weight, for various reasons have not been able to maintain this. They both need more professional help with this, which I feel for both of them should include counselling to deal with the underlying psychological issues I know they both have (for different reasons). Maybe for them both, now is not a good time - but when is it?
All I can say is, easy child's obsession with food is one I have occasionally seen mirrored in other kids, and I just so long to tell those mothers to do something; but I know that it won't help for me to speak up. A child who is so obsessed with food that she MUST make sure she has at least one of every kind of biscuit or snack there is available, is a kid who isn't so much caught up with food, as she is with acquisition. She is scared of missing out on something, of being left behind or neglected. There is a deep hole in her heart that she is trying to fill with food, and of course because the hole wasn't made for food, the food can never fill it.
Sometimes the answers can seem so simple, but it can take a lot of effort to find out WHAT a child really is hungry for, WHY they're doing this and HOW to help them. It's not always so easy.
Good luck with this one. But just as you are asking a great deal of discipline from your child, so you must first begin with not only yourself, but your whole family.
One last thing - I grew up as a kid with multiple allergies plus failure to thrive. My parents fairly quickly identified cows' milk as my problem, and went out and bought goats. The entire family of ten were switched onto a diet of goats' milk, fresh eggs and home-grown vegetables. It meant really hard work for everybody, all for this last-born runt (as my sister used to call me). We ALL went on the same health kick. By the time I tasted cows' milk I was about ten years old and found it really objectionable. But the lesson it all taught me - despite being the youngest of an over-large family born to a much older mother, I was worth so much, that my entire family had to shift their lifestyles to help me. I was worth it to them to do this.
A lesson from my childhood I leave with you - teach your children to grow their own food. even if all you do is sit an onion top in water and snip the green shoots to put on your salad, you are teaching your children a wonderful lesson. But if you can have the opportunity to grow food (either on your own property, or in an allotment or cooperative) then you are giving your children mental and physical exercise as well as teaching them about where food comes from. They already know where it goes!
Marg
