Maybe these things just take some time...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Does board power ever have a delay?

    Ugh, easy child is back from her Cape trip with Casper II and she's walking on air. She's completely enamored with him - not his family so much. But you know how I know she's enamored with him? Because she's being extra snotty to US. And when we ask any normal question, such as "did you have fun?" or "how was his family?" she's defensive.

    Yep, when easy child is happy in love, she's defensive, rude and snotty to US - her family. She's annoyed by every little thing we do and say, how we eat, etc. When she was with the anti-Casper (very last boyfriend that we LOVED), she was a JOY - pure JOY - to be around. I miss him.

    This is why this new guy reminds ME of Casper, because easy child is behaving just as she did when she was with him. H just gets a bad vibe from him, though he now says he needs more time to get to know him. Here are the stats on the new guy:

    28 (easy child is 23)
    Recently QUIT his job over a dispute with the boss for getting too much overtime and not enough overtime pay (*he was making $75,000/annual).
    Has NO relationship with his mom.
    Was cheated on by HS sweatheart who up until two years ago was his fiance. Has not had a relationship since.
    Is an ex-boxer (street fighter something - professionally) so he very built muscularly.
    Shaves his head due to a supposed receding hairline (we think he likes to look tough).

    Anyway, physically he's like no one else easy child has ever dated (very BIG), however, personality wise he is just like the dreaded Casper, thus his name will be Casper II.

    I have to go away with her on Saturday for a WEEK to Puerto Rico...I have very much been looking forward to this trip but now I will have to be in HYPER detachment mode because of this new development. Maybe if I get some good vibes for strength from you all starting now, by Saturday it will be with me! Thanks~
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I will send you boatloads of strength and prayers, but I'm WAYYY too much of a novice at this grown daughter thing to offer you any concrete adfvice.

    It does sound to me like Casper II is possibly trying to isolate her and she is being a snot to you to gain his approval. And his lack of relationship with his mom? Huge red flag. I hope easy child sees it for what it is very soon. In the meantime, hang on tight to your sanity.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Rats! I tried my best to send negative vibes but I guess they got derailed. We had one daughter who got into and stayed into a relationship that turned us all off. Eventually she figured it out, got a new job and flew off to start fresh. She ended up great. My easy child hooked up with a very experienced guy when she had never even had a real date before they met in college. We were all sure that he was too controlling and that he had substance abuse issues. Sigh! They've been married 25 years and about ten years ago he wrote me a long letter apologizing for his past behaviors and said "you were right...I was not worthy and I have wanted to keep her all to myself". He is now a much loved member of the family. Now...our grown men?? Yikes, I still don't get their choices, lol.

    The point is hang in there and hope for the best. It may be a short lived romance. on the other hand, it is possible that the guy is actually better than he seems. Geez, parenting is hard! Hugs. DDD
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thank you! I'm now hopeful about him, although it wasn't really about him so much as it's about easy child. She is the one who changes...I think she tries to conform to whatever it is she believes she needs to be in order to please them. I have no idea where she gets this behavior from - I suppose it's possible she's trying to be the opposite of me. I only resist because for so long I conformed, Know what I mean??
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    I have a friend who did/does that. She's 43 and still single, not by choice, but by default. She is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, but past that, she doesn't know who she is, she just kept conforming to whatever guy she was with. Once they realized that, they'd get bored and end the relationship.

    Sad really, since we (all her girlfriends) know the one thing she REALLY wanted was kids, but she never let any of the guys know that. So at 43 she's pretty much given up on men and is trying to adopt.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Keista, I feel this is my daughter. I don't think she knows who she is. Did you ever see that movie, "Runaway Bride"? In the movie, Julia Roberts has been engaged several times, but then on the wedding day, she ditches and runs. Finally, she makes a decision to be alone so she can discover who she is, what she likes and what she wants.

    I pray all the time that my easy child would just NOT date for a year at least so she can discover her true self.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Yup, yup, yup, yup!

    I'll be praying right along side you for your easy child's 'enlightnement'.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why don't you just tell her that she is acting funny again and she does it whenever she is 'in love'? Point it out. Get the rest of the family to confirm.
    Maybe then you can have a good vacation!

    Sending positive vacation relaxation vibes your way!
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This may not be a bad idea as she might not be aware that her attitude changes depending on whom she's with.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Busy/Lisa, have told her. She doesn't see it and instead turns it around that we are being picking, annoying, whatever.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I may have underestimated the power of the board this time around.

    What I may have mistook for easy child being a b!tch upon her return could have been embarrassment!

    Turns out the weekend was horrible. easy child told me all about it last night. Apparently, Casper II was suffering from, are you ready for this? Hemorrhoids! Omg, she said that he wasn't telling her and instead was acting all sketchy. When they went to the drugstore, he asked her to wait outside and she thought, 'Omg, I hope he's not buying condoms!' lol. Anyway, the rest of the trip was awful, Both in part because he was uncomfortable and she was insensitive to his needs.

    As they were leaving Provincetown in the Cape, which is heavily populated with gay people, he got into an altercation with another driver and screamed out his window calling the guy a faggot, omg. easy child said she wanted to die. They rode home, four hours, in silence.

    Later she texted him telling him what a horrible time she had and how she was appalled at his behavior. He returned the text with a scathing message telling her they were not a good match, that he was suffering and she was less than empathic, and that they obviously had different ideas and needs from a relationship. THEN he added that he didn't get her message until he woke from ANESTHESIA!!! He had to have surgery! Omg. So, easy child feels bad that she was so selfish and she doesn't know if they're together. I, of course, say, good hope it's over. Anyway, can you believe that?!
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2011
  12. keista

    keista New Member


    Oh Joy!

    But I really do hope that he :getwell: 'roids are a royal pain.
  13. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Wow, wow, wow. Did he have to buy the hemmorhoid cream at the Cape? He probably paid a pretty penny if he did ... supply and demand and all.

    She must have been really stressed. Poor kid. I hope she sees the light after this..