Me again! What a week!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child has been going with a non-drug using girl. My gut tells me that she either is BiPolar (BP) or highly reactive to booze which she drinks on occasion.
    She is an 18 year old high school grad, so she's not legal. Lots of drama.


    She is pregnant (verified yesterday with a kit). Her parents "don't know she is sexually active". She has checked into the dual pill early abortion method. easy child/difficult child is encouraging her to keep the baby and vowing he will
    "take the baby" if it gets too hard or restricting for her. He is prepared to
    marry her if that will save the baby.

    :confused: How could her Mom "not know"? She "has no problem with easy child/difficult child
    sleeping over with girlfriend" when her husband is on the road working. She has
    a daughter 22 who has experienced everything there is to experience.
    Her Mom comes in and sits on the side of girlfriend's bed and chit/chats with my
    easy child/difficult child. :surprise:

    Our life is like a "dark" soap opera. Greatgrandmother is not a new name
    I want. Yikes. CALGON.........take me away. DDD (The Whiner Lately)
  2. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana


    I can't respond to your post - I'm at a loss for words. I think you and husband need a vacation. Someplace tropical. By yourselves. And if you can't swing that, you're always welcome to come to my house for a visit. We have a spare room with a queen-sized bed, a guest bath across the hall, and no difficult children. I'll even stock up on Cutty for sipping while sitting on the deck watching the leaves fall.
    In the meantime there's Calgon :bath:

    Keep us posted.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks Genny. It makes me feel better just knowing I have a place to run away Years and years and years ago, a friend told me to keep notes so I could write a book. I replied "nobody would believe it". Goodness's so much crazier that I ever anticipated...
    I almost can't believe it! :surprise:

    I'll keep you all updated. DDD
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Another chapters in the life....
    Unfortunately having unprotected sex produces children. Sometimes even protection doesn't stop the production. I'm sorry. I know easy child/difficult child wants to do the right thing, and although that is admirable, I don't see it working out favorable for you. He is not prepared to raised a child. She is not prepared.

    I went to a birthday party last Saturday. PCdaugther's exbf was there with a girl who had a baby that may/maynot be his. His parent's are beside themselves. They are most upset with the fact that there is a question of paternity. How do you not know????

    If she has the child, before he steps up, wait for a DNA test. Obviously today, you can't be too sure.
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Jeeze DDD...He gets some kudo's for trying to do the right thing, but omg, what is he thinking..And what does he mean he will "take" the baby if things get too hard - LOL - Should we read that as "you take the baby"

    Lordy lordy...

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh. I am sitting here at a loss for words and that so rarely

    I find it really hard to believe her parents dont know she is sexually active if they allow easy child/difficult child to sleep over. Thats like being shocked the ground is wet if you see it raining! DUH! Exactly what do they think they are doing in that bed? Talking? Studying the latest fan magazines?

    Sad as it is, these two immature young people are gonna have to make this life changing decision that will impact so many other people. Idiots.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Oh gag! I'm so sorry. Hey, I'm a little closer and The Villages has a LOT to do. Come on down (at least until I no longer have a roof over my head). Oh, and I don't have to stock up on Cutty -- already have some and Glen Fiddich and Chevas. Take your pick.

    This stress has got to be overwhelming. Take care of you right now, please.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    No word from her AT ALL in 24 hours. Hmmm. Could mean something or nothing. I am hoping that she is having or has had a heart to heart with her Mom. easy child/difficult child is not "gaa gaa in love" with girlfriend but he does care for her. He will NOT encourage her to get rid of the baby. He knows that the ball is in her court. on the other hand, being one of three children born to a single Mom he absolutely is not willing to bow out and let girlfriend raise a child that is his (probably it is).

    The State of Florida is one of the first in the Nation to pass new legislation that requires married couples with children to go through training on "what's best for the child", including agreeing in writing to what holidays, schooldays, bedtimes etc. etc. etc. BEFORE they are allowed to file for divorce. Learning not to bad mouth etc. Good idea!

    IF there is a child to parent....he will be doing 50% plus. IF that means
    having a newborn at our house...husband and I will there. We've been there done that and can
    do it again.

    He is a superb big brother, has no violent tendencies and wants to be
    admired by his children. I just hope that we "know the plan" asap as he
    is feeling the strain. Fingers crossed. DDD

    PS: He used protection but she "didn't want her Mom to know" and "did not want to gain weight". :sick:
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Boy, Meow, you are a temptress! :D Thanks for the offer. DDD
  10. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    DDD, or should I say, GG, lol - sorry, couldn't resist. Well, my friend, looks like I might have to take that trip down to Florida sooner than I thought. It sounds like you're more than ready for a margarita day !

    Keep us posted, and meanwhile, take that Calgon bath and have a nightcap !

    Sending mega hugs and good thoughts your way,
  11. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Holy cow! :anxious: How does it feel to be a great grandma?:angel2:

    Is he sure this kid is his? You guys have been through so much. I don't know what to say.

  12. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    Well, I've been accused of being an eternal opitmist (not the worst thing I've been called :tongue:), but I'm going to throw this out there: maybe it would be good for easy child/difficult child. It could just be the motivation he needs to get rid of the evil friends, get some vocational training and move forward with his life. Being responsible for himself hasn't been enough incentive, maybe a helpless child who depends on him would be.

    I say this because I thank God everyday for my grandson - he saved my difficult child's life. I know if it weren't for him she wouldnt have been able to leave abusive ex, and chances are good that she'd be dead. We were hardly thrilled when she told us she was pregnant at 18. But now? She has completely transformed her life for the better...because of that innocent baby that she is responsible for.

    Here's to hoping that if she keeps the baby, and if easy child/difficult child is the father, that he steps up to the plate and does what's necessary to be a great Dad! :wine:

  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    OMG! I read this post last, and I just responded to your other one. Make it 2 big drinks!!! And a giant hug from me.-Alyssa
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    girlfriend still has not told her Mom! She cried on easy child/difficult child's shoulder Saturday night because (1) her Daddy doesn't like easy child/difficult child (2) he would be so angry and disappointed in her AND (3) she thinks he may leave home because he "has told
    Mom over and over again NOT to let any boys spend the night".

    Meanwhile..........easy child/difficult child is nervous. husband and I are nervous.

    I told easy child/difficult child (who knows if it was right or wrong!!) that I would give him my engagement ring so he and girlfriend could "get engaged". Then if after the baby is born (and the DNA test completed) if they want to get married they can...if not...fine. I figured her Daddy might not feel so horrible about the situation that way.

    Sometimes I think I've been tossed into some brand new competitive game
    where nobody knows the blankin' rules and I just have to keep improvising!
    Meanwhile TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK. :anxious: DDD
  15. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Uhm... I think "Daddy" is right on this one but that's just me. Over my dead, cold body would Sabrina be allowed to have men sleep in her bed in my house. It dumbfounds me to try to understand what her mother is thinking. She think they are in there playing Candyland????

  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD...Im sorry things are still up in the air. She needs to come clean and talk to her parents soon because eventually the matter will become rather obvious!

    Steph...never say never. If there is one thing I have learned in this life it is that we can never predict the future. This girl...well she isnt a girl anymore...she is an adult, is just as responsible for what she was doing in that bed with DDD's grandson as he is. It really isnt the other moms fault. Once a kid gets to be 18 if they are going to be sexually active they are gonna do it...somewhere.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    DDD - PLEASE, if your ring means ANYTHING to you, don't let him give it to her. If tere is doubt that thte baby is his, if the relationship is bad, whatever, then don't sacrifice your ring.

    If he gives her the engagement ring, it is HERS. IF they do not marry, he cannot get it back if she wants to keep it. PERIOD. It is considered a gift.

    Walmart has very affordable rings, even wedding rings and small engagement rings. Let easy child/difficult child go there rather than end up iwth your ring no being there when he finds the person he will spend the rest of his life with (unless you think this girl is that person).

    I am sorry this came up, esp with the drinking. I hope she is a good mother, that the families pull together, that he is a good father, and that all works out well.


  18. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    YOWIE KAZOWIE!! I leave town for a weekend and all heck breaks loose.


    Hoping for the best.......not knowing exactly what that is.....Sending many many cyber (((HUGS))) to you.


  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    ;)'re not the only one who doesn't know what to think or say! Geez, Louise!

    easy child/difficult child gets his drivers license back this Friday. girlfriend is running out of time
    for considering the procedure. Her Daddy travels and evidently is a tough
    dude who dotes on his baby girl..........who, evidently is pretty likely to be
    having her own baby girl/boy.

    by the way, my "engagement ring" is not a gift from husband. :redface: It was a gift from one of the other two men who wanted me to marry them before I chose husband. The ring is special to me and I would like to have easy child/difficult child be the recipient. IF it protects his girlfriend and makes a connection with his child
    (chances are great it is his child) then it would be symbolic for the continuation of our family...even if girlfriend connects with someone else.

    We'll see. As of now we don't know (1) if she is going to have the baby
    (2) if she gives a rat's about the baby or easy child/difficult child (3) what reaction her family will have. We also don't know how much easy child/difficult child is capable of stepping up to the plate. husband and I are hoping that he will try to work
    a regular job.

    On the bright side............he has gone all week booze free. Yeah
    (cautiously whispered). It helps to vent away as the roller coaster ride
    continues. Thanks, all. DDD
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD....any update?