Memories (venting)

[Hound dog]

We have Darrin today. I watch him at least 1 day each weekend while easy child works. Well, actually 1 night and 1 day.

I've had to correct husband in how he's speaking to Darrin like 10 times already this morning. grrrrrrrr I'm noticing this ALOT more now that Darrin has passed out of "babyhood" into toddlerhood.

Example. This morning Darrin wants to watch playhouse Disney as he always does. Now with parents hectic schedules he doesn't get to watch it very often at home. husband just had a fit because Darrin cried because Papa turned his shows off.

I corrected husband. husband says, "Well, he doesn't have to be a baby about it."

I say, "He's 3!"

Then husband proceeds to grumble about how it's his house and he can't even watch tv yadda yadda. Now he's made the dramatic exit to the bedroom.

This brings flashbacks of when we were raising our own kids. husband has always been short tempered, grouchy, and uninvolved. Focused on his own wants and desires. He always over reacted to every situation no matter how large or small.

Seems age hasn't mellowed him any.

What's change is that in my younger days I used to make alot of that sort of thing slide. Never said much unless it was over the top. husband is POed now because I corrected him immediately.

husband is currently speaking and acting as if Darrin is out to make his life miserable today. You know, you've got the toys on the floor just so he can't get thru the room, you're standing in my way...... yadda yadda.

Nothing major, but it's D@mn annoying. And when Travis was young it made his life miserable. He was husband's prime target. easy child and Nichole always hated it too, but husband didn't direct it at them as much.

Made for my kids not liking their Dad much, and respecting him less. And Darrin isn't exactly extra fond of this Papa. Sad when you get down to it. And it's not like I haven't spoken with husband about it about a million times in almost 25 yrs of marriage. When I bring it up he plays the martyr.

Once the kids reached the teens he backed off from this sort of thing. So I let the matter drop. I never dreamed it would resurface with the grandkids. :rolleyes:

 

[KFld]

Wow!! Sounds like my s2bx. My kids never liked daddy very much growing up because he was self centered and always acted like the kids should be the adults and not him.

Maybe your husband can't stand sharing your attention. I think that is a big part of why my s2bx was the way he was. He was actually jealous of the time I spent raising our kids. Instead of joining in and wanting to be just as much a part of it, all he did was complain and yell at them all the time.

The kids lose respect and your grandson will also.

 

[flutterbee]

You know, I read so many posts about how so many of the dad's seem to stick their heads in the sand or into some other dark place (ahem) - and with my own personal experience - it just makes me soooo glad I'm single. Nothing personal, HWGA. There are always exceptions.

Sorry husband is being a dufus yet again. As frustrating as it is to see him doing this to your children and grandchildren, ultimately he's the one losing out.

 

[Suz]

Boy, you've had a heckuva weekend, Lisa. I'm sorry. :frown:

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Star*]

I am not taking sides, but....

In our home we converted a two car garage into a MAN den. It's absolutely filthy by my standards, dusty to the point of rivaling Tuts tomb, has natural cobwebs (great effect at Halloween), and the floors are not swept, the dogs LOVE it and DF has a TV, his junk, smokes out there, has his friends out there and I have not, can not , will not say a single word about the 'hole' ever. When we got the house it has a detached garage/stable thing and a huge potting shed with electricity and water (I took that) he took the garage for the motorcycle, boat, truck, backhoe - and the den.

When my friends are there - he is in HIS 'getter'. When kids come to visit - he is in HIS 'getter'.

I was told he would be a much more helpful, understanding, likable person if he had a place of his own to go - a He Man Woman Haters Club of sorts. Only once did I ever try to 'fix' it up.

It has the essence of a biker bar without the liquor. We have dead things hanging on their wall plaques, stuffed frogs playing pool, antique saws, biker memorabilia, pictures, long swords, cross bow, knives (he makes) antlers, our sons artwork (fantastic), 4 life size bulletin boards with pegs and pins to hang up the most unusual junk....and it's HIS place. The rest of the house is mine to decorate and clean to my little hearts desire.

Since we arrived at this agreement where he can do anything from nap to carve in private - it works for us. He's happy, his friends are delirious with envy that it's just HIS and I never intrude - just to stock the fridge or get a soda once in a while, and they come to our house relax, and then go home. Their wives don't understand - but were surprised when they came to visit at the "man crud" until they walked through the door in the kitchen to the rest of the house. It's like night and day.

Even as a kid I remember my dad needing a place of his own to "hide" from us (who could blame him we were precious) hahah.
He had a den, his recliner, a tv - and mom never bothered a thing in there.

Maybe DF just needs a place like that. I have the entire house to myself when he's in his "cave" haha. It works for us and he's not cranky about not having a place to go, a tv to watch or the kids running in and out.

Works for us - and the beauty is - he likes to be home.

Just a window into my world.
Hug
Star

 

[crazymama30]

My husband can be the same way, and sometimes I wonder if he does not get jelous. It is very frustrating.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sorry husband is acting the way he is!

 

[nvts]

OMG! You ARE married to mine~! This has been a major bone of contention in this house for over 6 years. The kids worship him, but he can only handle "so much" and then he retreats ~ crabby, caustic and cranky (the 3 "c's").

I question how much of this is causing some of the problems to get worse rather than better!

me

 

[Hound dog]

Beth

This behavior from husband did actually cause the gfgdom to get worse in our household. Which is why I forced him to back off from it once the kids hit teenhood. (I'd done alot of wising up by then)

easy child told me today that when Darrin got into the car yesterday he told her Papa kept yelling at him all day. :frown:

Now that is NOT something I want my grandkids to have to think about when coming over. If Darrin had been truely doing something wrong, I'd have corrected him, and did several times while he was here. But I don't raise my voice to young children, most especially preschoolers.

easy child was going to read her Dad the riot act til I told her I'd already done it. (I did it the moment they were out of the drive)

Yes, it's that husband is jealous. I dunno why. He had no reason to be with our kids any more than he does with the grandkids.

The 3 c's, crabby, caustic and cranky, get worse with time. With husband it got so Much worse that when we accidentially discovered Trazadone mellowed him out in a major way via a surgery he had, I insisted he go on it on a perm basis. It's helped tons.

I'm sorry you've got one too.

Hugs

 

[Marguerite]

Star - the bloke retreat idea is a beauty. We haven't really got a set-up that works like that, but we do have multiple TVs in the house. Often one of us will go watch what we want on another TV somewhere.

But Lisa, why can't husband simply take the time to watch Playhouse Disney with Darrin? What is wrong with him, that he can't get down on the floor with a three year old and play horsey, or pretend, or whatever else?

I mean, if husband wants to behave like a kid, there are much better ways (and more enjoyable ways) than having the sulks.

He's going to have to change if he's going to cope with being a grandfather.

There is so much a man can do, with sons and grandsons. Other males can be allies in the "War on Women". They can potter around in workshops banging things with hammers & nails. At 3, Darrin can be watching his grandfather working in the garden, or making something in his shed. Darrin could hold a piece of timber while it is being sawn. Grandfather could let Darrin use a small, light hammer and nails in a scrap of offcut timber, while grandfather gets on with some serious carpentry.
Working in the garden together - a 3 year old is old enough to plant seeds and learn to enjoy growing things. He is old enough to be taught to weed the garden, to plant bulbs - so many things! Surely husband has a wealth of male knowledge he should pass on to this next generation?

Of course, he WILL have to wait until Playhouse Disney is over!

Marg

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Lisa,

I'm so sad for Darrin! I watch my dad with Tink, and I love it. He plays with her for HOURS. He'll watch SpongeBob (and complain about their annoying voices to me later) and have a tea party or whatever. That is how it should be.

Like Darrin, I had a 3C grandfather. you walked in the door, he lined us kids up, and started barking out rules. "No running. You sit right here. This table is for the grown ups".

Make that FIVE C's. Crabby, caustic, cranky, crusty, and curmudgeon.

 

[Hound dog]

I'd go for a hidey hole for husband, but at the moment we just don't have the space. lol


<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> There is so much a man can do, with sons and grandsons. Other males can be allies in the "War on Women". They can potter around in workshops banging things with hammers & nails. At 3, Darrin can be watching his grandfather working in the garden, or making something in his shed. Darrin could hold a piece of timber while it is being sawn. Grandfather could let Darrin use a small, light hammer and nails in a scrap of offcut timber, while grandfather gets on with some serious carpentry.
Working in the garden together - a 3 year old is old enough to plant seeds and learn to enjoy growing things. He is old enough to be taught to weed the garden, to plant bulbs - so many things! Surely husband has a wealth of male knowledge he should pass on to this next generation?
</div></div>

Marg I dunno what's wrong with husband. But I've been saying what you said since our own kids were little. Travis never got to do projects with his Dad, play catch, or any typical or non typical father/son sort of things. I wound up teaching him how to play baseball, build things, I coached his soccer team, ect. husband either had an excuse or would just refuse to do it.

And I do them with Darrin. I've tried to get husband to do some fun things with him, but it's the same wall I ran into with our kids. :frown:

Then husband gets mad and hurt feelings because Darrin will stop by with easy child and ask Nana to lunch or go to the park and such, and it never enters his mind to ask Papa. :rolleyes:

Thankfully, sister in law's stepdad is awesome with Darrin. And sister in law is too. And husband will even comment on how great that is, but doesn't see it applying to himself.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

LOL, the hidey hole can be the bathroom...

 

[Hound dog]

:rofl: