I forgot to ask if you've ever tried a Twelve Step Group. They are not for everybody, but for many of us they were lifesaving. The three weeks after my daughter was thrown out due to drugs, I was barely able to get out of bed. I kept hearing her screaming at me, "I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER." I couldn't tell this to my loonybin family or even my friends and my hub was very sympathetic, but he came into her life later and she is not his daughter. Plus he is calm and laid back and "let's see what happens" by nature, which did not calm me down, although you'd think it would have!!
The group's people, after the meeting, were so kind and caring and full of smart advice and stories to share. I could not have done it without them. With their help, I was able to learn to take care of myself yet have a sort of relationship with my daughter, on and off, until she quit. I still go to Al-Anon at times to get grounded because I feel it is helpful for any dysfunctional people you have to deal with, not just addiction.
I can honestly say it has helped me more than professional therapy.