Daisyface,
I ASK this because after ALL the years of going into the therapist, psychologists, psychiatrist, caseworkers, program directors, foster parents, therapeutic foster parents MLSW's, trained residential treatment workers, licensed mental health workers offices - it finally dawned on me one day that just because they had a diploma it didn't make them understand my life, my child, our unique set of circumstances. What it did give them was text book scenarios and text book solutions to real life problems that they themselves were not living with every day. Sort of like pick up round, blue block. Remember round blue block from labs? Round blue block goes in round blue hole.
Well our kids are not round, blue block kind of kids. So when they don't "fit" the criteria, the next level of reasoning for most of these text book graduates in my humble opinion is to go down the flow chart. You can almost hear them thinking. Okay, round blue peg did not fit into round blue hole when I administered first line of reasonable suggestive therapy it didn't work, now what? How could that not have worked. It worked in role playing. It should have worked here. The parents must be doing something wrong.
Oddly enough they're quite content to basket B everything that doesn't work with little attempt after that unless you get a really good therapist that enjoys a challenge and really knows his stuff. I believe this is also LARGELY the reason you hear a defeatist attitude with most people with regards to therapy. "It didn't work for us, I didn't get much out of it." I'd beg to differ because we had scads of the didn't work for us, didn't get a single thing out of it kind - and kept going until we found a man that literally was superior in wits to Dude. Harder than it sounds. But the kid is so brilliant, the others were outmatched in under 15 minutes.
For example: One wrap service therapist came to our house. Dude was about 11 I was at my end. I had kicked the wall to avoid hurting Dude after he had shot an arrow at me with a bow. Nothing to be proud of I had kicked through 2 solid walls. We had it patched by the time this guy got there 2 weeks later, but the minute he walked in? He barked orders at Dude. "YOU WILL sit here and speak to me." UGH...really? "You WILL NOT, this and you will NOT that." Well I can't repeat the language that Dude threw back at him here, but it wasn't pleasant. Then he wanted to see Dudes bedroom. He asked if Dude had done the damages. I said ashamed that I had. HE was on his way out the door to call DSS. OMG...WTH?
Like nothing else had mattered he had nothing else to report, nothing to report on himself, but found that something to report. That I couldn't contain my anger. OMG I was in therapy, I lived with a kid that was making me nuts. Spend a day here, get me some respite. Nope - calling DSS. Fine get out of my house, you're no help. What kind of counselor are you? He admitted he only became a counselor because he flunked out of medication school. THEN....sat at my dining room table and told me and DF HIS sad little story for 2 hours.
. At the end of his woeful tale? He forgot to call DSS, but said he felt better.
After that? Every time he'd come? We'd talk about HIM. I had to keep him on because without using WRAP services? I couldn't get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) services. At Christmas time - we drove around looking at Christmas lights, got a doughnut and hot chocolate. So tell ME again how this guy was helping ANYONE? I heard all about HIS problems. See?
I could go on and ON.....about how whacked the system is. How if you sit and listen in the Mental Health offices you can hear more stuff about your therapists life than you care to hear. How miserable most of them are. How each of them get burnt out, how most of them see a therapist. I asked our therapist who HE saw. He told us. He said straight up - No way you can do what he does day in and day out and not have a someone to dump on and still be professional in your job. NO WAY.
So the next time your therapist wants to point fingers....? Just smile and know she's just following a certain type of therapy =text book style, depending on where she went to school, and if you find out where she got her education? You can call and ASK what kind of psychology they teach in their PhD program, provided she is a PhD, if she's a MLSW - you can get that info. too. That way you can get a feel for where she's coming from.
Certain types of therapy are just unnerving to us. The kind where the guy says "AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?" (it has a name) I dislike it very much and will get up and leave....cold. The kind I like? Where you listen to me, I condense, you let me know you heard MY problems....then you offer solutions for me to work on during the coming week....I come back, you ask me how it went...I tell you; we review.....then I tell you about my week again. REpeat.
Other than that? It didn't work for us.
Hope this helps shed some light on bad therapy.....because it exists....oh boy does it exist. Oh and by the way....OUR therapist told everyone that was involved with Dude "There is NO WAY I would spend a single night in that house under that roof with Dude living there." in writing. Hows THAT for professional opinion? THATS the kind of doctor you need too.
Hugs - STar