Mom's job

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Kjs, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I am so sick of cleaning up after the boys. All THREE. When they shower, they leave towels on the floor, wrap in one and drop it in their rooms. The toilet is used for target practice, and they don't seem to hit the target :furious:

    I work 12 hr. shifts, two hour commute on workdays. Mind you I work Midnight to noon. They don't understand why I should be tired. They don't understand when they are sleeping..I am NOT.

    I look around the house at what needs to be cleaned, repaired and maintained. I feel I am constantly complaining. I asked difficult child to pick up his clothes, clean his room, wash some clothes. He asked me why?

    I asked him why he thinks I should have to work, clean, repair, maintain, laundry, bills, shop and cook each day. His reply..!!!!!

    "that is a mom's job" :nonono:

    Didn't mention playing taxi driver when ever, or school issues, dr. appointment.'s, phone calls....
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Gotta love the self absorption of children.

    It's a learning process that mom's aren't to be used as cleaning drones and that they should assume some of the work and responsibility as they get freedoms. Hopefully, you can start with one chore a day for each of them. If I tell my son's "clean your room" they can't seem to figure it out. I tell them very specifically. Trash in the trashcan, books in the bookshelf, dirty laundry in the hamper etc. It's the only way they get it.

    I consistently put them in my shoes by asking them what would they do if they were the parent with no sleep and came home to what you come home to?
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Since it is "Mom's job" maybe it is time they started paying you to do it. $0.05 for every item of clothing picked up by Mom; $0.10 for each dirty dish picked up, rinsed and put away, etc.

    Around here, the rule is if I clean your room, I will simply throw your items away. You get charged for my things (dishes, etc. are mine) in your room. It doesn't work now but it did when she was a younger teen. Losing stuff wasn't fun, losing money was even less fun.

    If that doesn't work, there's always going on strike. It's worked for more than one mom in the past. But the strike has to be serious and real -- no doing anything until the message is truly understood.
  4. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I went on strike this year. I told difficult child I am not doing her laundry anymore and if she wants something clean she'll have to wash it herself. I think she's done 2 loads in 6 weeks! If she wants to be a slob than she can embrace it - all I know is I have a hack of a lot less laundry to do!
    Go on strike!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I found that having to clean the toilet and around the toilet with a toothbrush was a wonderful deterent for "not hitting the target".

    Nichole has had bathroom cleaning duties often because she tends to trash it when she uses it. Same with the livingroom.

    Too funny though, she gets furious when she's cleaned and someone comes behind her and starts dropping stuff. I just tell her "welcome to my world." lol
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    How do I enforce that with my husband?

    I have ALWAYS had a this rule. You empty your pockets before you send to the laundry. Whatever I find is mine. If it is a note from school friends-I read it. If it is money - I keep it. I have a nice stash of money(had to hide it because they take it).
    difficult child was upset I read his note to/from girlfriend. Hey, he knew the rule.

    Hard to get money from anyone. They just don't hand it over. I cannot go on strike. I cannot live in a filthy cluttered house. I just could not do it. I'Learning Disability (LD) have to move out.
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I have the same laundry rules. One time I actually made $120 from husband not emptying out his pockets. Kept it. ;) I also do not turn clothes right side out. If it goes in with the sleeves turned inward...that's how they come out. If socks go in all knotted up, they come out all knotted up.

    Do your kids have privelages like cell phones, cars, etc? That is always a good place to start to get some help.

    My easy child has been banned from the car for almost two weeks. He is HATING that, but his room and bathroom are clean. Each day I leave one major task for him to do. Mow the lawn, clean the baseboards, wipe all doors down, etc. He knows he will not get the car or cell back until I'm satisfied that he is contributing to the family, not just himself. Yes, he gets good grades and works nearly full time. Well...welcome to real life. You also have to be a part of what makes the family work.

    husband's? Well, that's another story. It's hard to teach and old dog new tricks. He has 3 piles of clothes at any given time laying on the floor. I stopped picking them up or asking if they needed to be washed. When he'd have a job to do I'd hear...where are my black pants? Ummm...on the floor NEXT to the basket. But I need my pants!! sorry. (This makes me a b*tch by the way.)

    The key thing is to find the carrot to make them help out. Sometimes you find it...sometimes you do not. Never did with John.

    Good luck.

  9. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I got that "mom's job" from both kids. I go on strike for a while, but then nothing gets done and the junk and dishes just pile up, and a blank stare when I ask any of them to do anything, including husband. I am seriously considering paring down my dishes to one plate, cup, bowl, fork/knife/spoon for each and writing their names on it with the industrial marker I have. Then I'm locking everything else up. If you want to eat and your stuff is dirty --- too bad. The grumbling and grouching that difficult child does when he has to wash ONE cup is just too much and too funny at the same time.

    OH husband does do his own laundry. He complained once I didn't do it right so I now refuse to wash his, except the occasional can you throw this shirt in with your stuff, and he doesn't complain LOL
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    If you have a second bathroom, put a lock on the outside, keep the only key, and maintain it your way. Let the other one be disgusting. Keep the door closed. You could also throw everything of everyone else's that you have to pick up on their beds. Wet towels make for wet beds. It isn't fun to have to clear stuff off your bed when you want to go to sleep. Do the laundry that's in the basket. Throw it on their beds when you're done. Keep their doors closed so you don't have to look at their messes.
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Do they get allowances? That's how I got the money -- it was deducted. She was not too happy when she did in fact pick things up one week but her allowance was still short -- she owed me from the previous week.

    Sorry, no help on husband's. Mine was a neat freak.

    I like Abbey's way, too. If you can't help out at home, I can't help out with your "fun" stuff -- no taking you places, no shopping for things for you, no ....... Strike doesn't have to be not cleaning your home. It can be a strike from all the other stuff.
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I agree with all of the above. I don't do laundry that isn't in the basket. Haven't for years. I will tell the kids I'm doing laundry and if they have any clothes they need to bring them to me. But, I tell them once. They've learned.

    If his room is too hard to keep clean, then he must have too much stuff. I'd pare it down for him while he's at school. Then he can earn stuff back.

    As far as husband, well if he wants you to cook dinner for him then he needs to step up.

    Seriously, if they're not helping you then you can stop doing for them. difficult child is old enough to prepare his own food. So is husband. husband can cart difficult child around. They can do their own laundry. If they have to go to school/work in dirty clothes, it'll be their own doing.

    You can keep the house to a level you can live with and still go on a strike of sorts.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I simply would stop doing anything for anyone. Heavens...the only "child" in your home is in 8th grade I think you have said. Everyone else is an adult.

    I dont do anything for anyone if they can do it for themselves. My kids have been doing laundry since they were about 10. They learned to make simple meals.

    To make things easier on the one plate, cup, silverware set, one color per person. If they dont wash their assorted stuff, oh well.