more difficult child pains fear of dying hysterical

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I think both difficult child and I are losing grip here.

    I get home from work, went to bed at 1:30. easy child asks for my car for a few hours. five minutes later difficult child calls from school. Said he coughed up blood. and he has been having bad stomach pains. He said he has internal bleeding, cancer and he is going to die. I can hear his voice shaking. I assure him he is fine. Asked what he had for lunch. Pizza.
    Ok, there is your "pink/red". He said no, he tasted blood and coughed.
    Again I try to reason. Tell him too much Advil, Excedrin, Pepto(contains asprin). told him no spicy foods and his stomach will feel better.

    I get up and make Jello and pudding. five minutes later another call. Even more frantic. Go through it all again.

    Third call. Same thing. 25 minutes of school, you'll be ok.

    Gets home and is shaking. I have him lay down by me. Press on his stomach. Pain. Says there is a "lump" there and it hurts. Cancer.
    The more he talked the more frantic he became. Then he said Dad was going to call his doctor. By this time husband is out of work on his way home. I had difficult child call and ask him about the doctor and tell him to get him in.
    difficult child does. Dad calls back and tells him to be ready when he gets there.

    difficult child is no hysterical. Crying and shaking and out of control. I try to settle him down, but now he doesn't want to go to the doctor. Why?? "because they are going to tell me I am dying". OMG. I did my best to settle him down but he was that way when he left.

    Two hours later they get back. he's fine. Needs more fiber in his diet.

    Go to bed about 6:30. Get up at 10 and difficult child is asleep. husband is in the basement. i go down to talk to him. he said difficult child drilled the nurse about internal bleeding and cancer and dying. Then the same with the doctor.
    Doctor says he is very intelligent. No other kid knows as much as he does. he explained that if it were internal bleeding he would be very sick. Has to explain everything. Ok. Lump=fiber.

    So, now I am thinking I am really messing up difficult child. My fault. When ever husband and I are in this state and something happens to difficult child we are together. Or atleast speaking. So is this unintentional? However he has had stomach issues since early December throwing up and such. AAAGGGHHH.

    difficult child and I have same issues. Both lose control, both worry about everything and all the "what if's" I seem to be misplacing things. However not like difficult child. He can't get ten feet without losing something. Only at school though.

    I never lost control before difficult child came along. he just pushes the right buttons and I explode. We need help.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I feel for him. I was the same way--and I'd get hysterical until I saw the doctor and sometimes that wasn't enough. I was told that being a hypochondriac goes hand-in-hand with depression. I think so too. I was a very depressed child and I used to worry the way your son does. (((Hugs))) to both of you.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    What an awful thing to go through. You did a great job keeping calm and talking him through things. Other possibilities to coughing up blood or appearing to cough up blood; if for some reason his teeth/gums were bleeding or if he ate something red.

    I have felt your fear. As mom, you want to make sure your child is healthy and when there is some complaint, you want to know what is causing the pain. You know that there can be and often is an easy minor non-threatening explanation but your child's fear digs deep into you and touches your fear center. Your child has a way of transferring his fears to you. As you watch him agonize, you think, "Maybe there really is something wrong? He is in so much pain! Doctors can't seem to find out what it is."

    So, like many moms, you started out calm and cool. Then as difficult child's agony grew, he was able to transfer his fears to you. You are finding it more and more difficult to help him understand. "But mom, you don't know for sure. You don't know how I feel. I know I have something wrong with me. I know I am going to die." And you start to go into that fear world with him.

    Do you have a counselor? A doctor who can work with both of you to let you both know steps to take to get through these attacks? Hopefully a doctor who understands that tests do have to be done to rule things out because as things are ruled out, difficult child will feel a little better until he comes up with another medical pain and just because a kid has anxiety doesn't mean something else could be going on. I think your difficult child is in so deep that this will take a lot of hard work to come out of.

    Hugs hugs hugs to you all. Your heart falls to pieces when your child is experiencing this fear.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I feel so bad for difficult child and for all of you. This is so hard. I too understand those feelings of fear and powerlessness of watchng our kids suffer. I hope you find answers soon. Thinking of you. ML
  5. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Have you ever considered the gluten free diet for him? And even for you. He does have stomach issues. The girlfriend diet can be helpful for headaches, too. I think 30% of people with migraines reduce or eliminate migraines with a girlfriend diet.

    I used to be anxious and imagine the worst case scenario for everything. I did not consider myself anxious but thought that I was just being prepared. Since being on the girlfriend diet, I don't do this any more and sometimes wonder if I am too relaxed!

    Probably half the people on the girlfriend diet had to decide for themselves to do it. Testing is not accurate and doctors are sometimes not open to the idea anyway.

    Not to scare you, but some children with anxiety do have real medical problems. I feel that doctors are too quick to dismiss problems as "anxiety". My younger daughter complained about her tummy for years and it was thought she was anxious. Changing her diet cured her tummy aches. Later, she said "something doesn't feel right". The testing didn't show anything and they decided again that she was psychsomatic. She eventually got sick enough that she was taken more seriously and it turns out she has Lyme Disease. She is slowly getting better now but if we had known about it earlier, it would have been easier to treat.

    Surprisingly, my daughter's anxiety is getting better as she gets better. That makes me think that physicial illness can cause anxiety. Also if you have real symptoms that are dismissed and unexplained, of course you will be anxious about it.

    It is possible that your son really does have something medical going on that needs to be uncovered. From my own experience, it is possible you will have to go out of network or out of conventional medicine to discover what it is, if anything.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello KJS--

    My DS is definitely a hypochondriach (spelling?) and a bit of a drama queen...and so we have to take his medical complaints with a "grain of salt". In his case...he is very, very smart (really too smart for his own good) and so any minor little pain becomes rheumatoid arthritis or brain tumor or flesh-eating virus.

    We have found that the best solution is not to deny the illness (as in "No, you don't have arthritis.")--we just give him more information about the illness he thinks he well as an alternative diagnosis...(as in "Do you really think it's arthritis? Are you experiencing deformities in your joints? Maybe you strained your elbow when when you were playing ball yesterday? Is you elbow deformed...or does it hurt like a strain?" ) Eventually he ends up talking himself out of some of the extreme sicknesses.

    He was hospitalized once for a staph infection in his knee...and he told the doctor he was pretty sure it was arthritis then, too. The Dr (bless him), examined DS's knee very carefully...and then told him, "No, it just looks like a staph infection to me." And he went over every part of the knee and it's function and he showed DS where the bones and tendons connected and then Dr showed him the infection and how he could tell it was in the skin and not in the bones. "So don't worry" Dr said. " I think you'll walk again."

    I think it helps DS to see that we take him seriously...but that we are very calm and matter-of-fact about it. Maybe something like that would work for you?


    Last edited: Jan 9, 2009
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    He has had a complete and thorough physical, 7 tubes of blood checking absolutely everything. X-rays, MRI's, EEg...all normal. i believe it is his anxiety and fear causing the pain. first reaction to medications which did make him sick, now this fear.
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Poor thing!! You need a vacation. I feel so badly that you are going through all of this. I have been thinking about you non-stop since reading your other post in the Watercooler forum.

    Your son sounds like a grown up version of my easy child 7yo son. He is a nervous wreck. He worries about everything, fire in the house, flooding, if the car has gas, make sure we don't go over the speed limit, when he is going to die, when we are going to die, if dad has to work in the city - the city is dangerous - you name it he stresses it!!! And he is only 7!!! If I am in the bathtub he is outside banging on the door asking me if there is too much water in the tub. Sometimes he gets so nervous he cries and shakes. It is quite sad, he is so little.

    I guess like your son, the fears are real. To them it is very scary. I was thinking about getting some therapy for my son. He has bad anxiety, but he is the happiest kid I know. Wierd.

    I hope your son feels better now that he went to the doctor and knows he is not dying. I hope he is having a better day. Good job comforting him mom!!!

    I hope you are taking time to care for yourself!!!

    Hang in there and God bless. :)
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Does his psychiatrist have any suggestions for something to give him PRN when he gets like this?

    I bet he really could benefit from regular counseling to help him learn some self-calming and coping techniques and to recognize when his anxiety is starting to escalate.

    It's hard enough for us as parents to remain calm in a potentially scary situation. My husband is usally the one to flip out when one of the kids gets hurt, and my instinct is to try to diffuse and counter his hysteria by remaining calm and unaffected by the chaos -- so I end up being accused of not caring! When in fact, I'm just as concerned but trying NOT to show my fear because I don't want a hysterical kid on my hand :rolleyes:

    I think the advice of taking his concerns seriously, but then helping him to methodically work through each one to learn why his fear is misdirected may help him a lot. It's because he is such a smart kid and can think of all the reasons why he should be afraid that he gets himself so worked up.

    Call his psychiatrist, though and get him busy working on a solution for this. No reason you all should have to continue suffering.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When I was four years old, I was scared of bandages, then nosebleeds. I was convinced I'd die if I had one. Then stomach aches freaked me out at age eight. I started moving on to stuff like brain tumors, cancer, and other stuff around 11. I needed my SSRI antidepressant to stop the obsessing over my health. I was horrible. That's what helped me. I don't really recomment SSRI's for kids--they can actually make you worse rather than better, but Paxil really hit the spot for me. Now I rarely worry about my health, but that's only since the Paxil fifteen years ago. I shudder to remember life without it. Of course, I had horrible anxiety problems besides my own health too--and a mood disorder. But I wanted to tell you that the right medication did wonders for me. The type of therapy that is supposed to work best for people with things like hypochondriasis is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I love that therapy. It's the only kind that ever worked for me. I don't k now how they would scale that down for kids, but it was extremely helpful for my anxiety before I was put on the Paxil. Good luck to you and your precious little one.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Im sorry to hear he is in so much pain and anxiety and the pressure there is building. Anxiety can do horrible things I've come to learn. It can overtake every aspect of one's life, and I as well think you did a great job of handling it.

    One can become exhausted after handling difficult child's meltdowns' like that, it's taxing and tiring. Forgive me i haven't been in much this week and i'm kinda out of it a little.. Is he in therapy right now, working on learning coping skills and techniques to work thru the anxiety? When is your next appointment with the pyschdoc to check the medications?

    Is there anyone you trust to take difficult child out for a few hours so that you and husband can get a little time without the pressure?

    I"m sending you alot of hugs.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about how he pushes all your buttons. I was on my way to my husband's office for a chiro visit a cpl wks ago, called to confirm the appointment, picked up difficult child, and drove home.
    I tell everyone that my brains go out the window when ever I'm around difficult child.

    I am so sorry about your son. I highly doubt he will follow a regiment of Metamucil and no greasy pizza!
    You are having a heck of a time lately.
    I am so so sorry.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2009