Mother's Day Call....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ChefPaula1965, May 14, 2008.

  1. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Well, it has taken me 3 days of pondering to post this post...
    Paula had to take DEEP breaths and practice detachment even more...
    Andre called for mother's day... it was nice to hear from him... BUT he was hung over.. he said it and I could hear it in his voice... Per Andre he down some Capt. Morgan and a whole bottle of Jose Quervo .. ... We get to talking a little more and the issue about banks comes up..
    He tells me that he can no longer open a bank account because he has opened several at diff banks... just so he could write rubber checks.. this was ok, per Andre of course, because he did it so he could buy food.. He says that he is so overdrawn all over the city like in the hundreds at at least 4 banks.. no one will cash any more checks for him.....
    WOW is it not a federal offense to write worthless checks??
    What kind of other trouble is Andre getting himself into???
    He still has the drug posetion and public intoxication hanging over his head in the same county......
    When do these kids say ENOUGH!!! do they every realize that this stuff is their fault and the ONLY one that can take care of things for them is himself???
    Help!! SOS !!
  2. chrisdog01

    chrisdog01 New Member

    I think this is the most frustrating part with our kids. They just don't figure it out that they are responsible for their actions and they have to take care of the clean up or resolution.

    I think this is the one thing that frustrates me the most with my son. He couldn't figure out why we were upset and tossed him out for a few days when he had a party in our house and smoked pot in his room. His only answer was "I didn't think you'd come home." Again, not his fault so we shouldn't have kicked him out I guess.

    I'm so sorry you are so frustrated.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Well gal - BRAVO on the detachment. A few things that may (hope) make you feel better. As a FORMER tequila drinker - it is impossible to drink an entire bottle of that yourself, and chase it with anything like spiced rum. For one - had he drank an entire bottle of tequila - he would have alcohol poisoning. At 18, despite years of drinking - I have my doubts that he's far enough gone to find the bottom of a bottle. Drunk yes - skunk drinking drunk - yes. Maybe someone knows better than I do - but I've been around enough alcoholics in my life - one I knew even drank a bottle of Aqua Velva to calm his nerves - I'm more inclined to think this was a build up from Camp - Feel sorry for me life is kicking my arse won't you bail me out again Mom.

    As far as opening several checking accounts - even in our po-dunk town you have to fill out an application and THEN they run a quick credit report. There is also (someone like Suz could tell us) something about if you are a habitual check bouncer -I think the other banks let the other banks know.
    IT is also (depending on the amt.s) misdemeanor offense. Which means that he could go before a judge, plea, and be fined for the amt. of the check, the stores bounced fees, the banks bounced fees, and come out realtively unscathed. Unless he's done this over a certain amount - $$ wise - it will be misdemeanor charges. IF he can get to the places he's bounced the check at - offer to pay the check, and the fee j- he'll only owe the bank. I'm sure they have long since closed out his account.

    As far as writing several bounced checks - MOST places use a veri-check system that scans the check and tells the vendor if the check is good at time of the sale - so something doesn't add up here with Andre's story.

    Besides - I thought he was living with enabler gma? Isnt' she going to find a way to pay for all his mistakes? (insert sinister laugh)

    You keep on Keepin' on and detach as much as you can. You're doing very VERY well. Keep reminding him of AA, and support him like that - but otherwise - Know what I mean??


    ps. -I am laughing a little because I'm thinking well - at LEAST your son called. Mine did not. He did call me last night. Never mentioned mother's day at all. Said he made $$ and was going to buy himself a CD player for the truck he's working on, that doesn't run, that isn't insured and even if it all were good - he has NO learners permit. HE got both social security cards off of me that I had kept - HAD to have them - he's a BIG BOY. Okay (hands ss cards) I figured while I was at it - hand him his birth certificate. He's managed to loose his wallet that had SS card and STate ID in it - needed to OBTAIN a Permit - so he went with the Birth certificate and the lady said no dice - without a SS card. SO the entire call was to fish around to see if I had another SS card hidden - and then to tell me that I DID TOO HAVE THEM NOT HIM HE NEVER GOT THEM. So I asked - Do you have your birth certificate. "Yesssssss" said cocky like. I said "Okay HERE in my hand I have a piece of paper dated XX that says quote "I am giving Dude his Bc and his SS card" I do not have any spares. SHould you loose them - YOU will call and pay whomever to get them reissued. Signed YOU dude, and Mom.

    (terrible growl) - then YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SOOooooooooooo RIGHT. I hung up. He called back - I said "Hello." He said "Sorry" I said - yes, yes it all is - going to bed - good night. He said goodbye - never once wished me a Happy Mother's day - but I suspect it was because it was more fun to hang out with foster Mom and go out to eat. That was the benefit for HIM - come to my MOM's house? Hum....may have to buy a card. Go with the fosters - I get to eat out.

    This is what I have been reduced to in detachment - but it's keeping ME out of the looney bin.

    Hang in there.
  4. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    They don't want to realize their problems are of their own doing. :grrr: It might mean they would have to be responsible????? I doubt that's it though. I really think they end up believing their own lies eventually, even when the bad realities smack them upside the head, time after time!

    My difficult child wrote a couple of hot checks. Not only did she have to make good on the checks and pay extra fees to the business, she was also charged criminally by the DA. The amounts of the checks were less than $500. She had fines to pay the DA and then there were court fees and everything associated with that. Now she has a criminal record and her credit score has been affected also.

    She has difficulty getting a job when they run a background check. Almost everyone does it now and her past does follow her. Any insurance, car loans, etc. she will be charged a high interest rate. It's a vicious cycle that I don't know how anyone gets out of once they cross that line. What a mess!
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Check kiting. Not something to aspire to... I would imagine that there will be charges filed. I'm not certain that it's actually a federal offense, though.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wasn't the whole purpose of the call to actually get you to send :money:? You are doing GREAT - Stay hanging tough. Don't let him touch your emotions. He knows mom loves him and will do anything to get him baled out. He just does not know that the anything is not his idea of anything. Your "anything" is what is really going to work in the long run. You are going to do anything possible to make him grow up and take responsibility as an adult. If that doesn't make him happy or save his butt today then too bad, he will live even if not they way you want him to. He needs to get himself out of this one.

    Tough love takes the emotions out of the equation (they are still there, just don't let him see them). You have realized that your involvement is not helping so you are taking that away from him. Someday when he has no "victim" to rely on, he just may start relying on himself? That would be a great phone call to get.

    Stay strong!!! I believe in you! :)
  7. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Oh, my Friends, thank you so much for all your wonderful responses. Thanks for the kudos on staying strong...
    Thank you so much for re-assuring me he could not have drunk a whole bottle!! I was an active alcoholic when I was pregnant with him until he was 4 years old... Could I be the cause of this?
    As far as the checks :check_writer: are concerned and his grandmother.... She only bought him a cot and put it on the screened in back portch!! to keep him from having to sleep outside (YEAH RIGHT!! :grrr:) ... he says that he opened all these accounts when he first escaped the Army and did all this kiting before he went to Ft. Knox.. it has now all caught up with him...
    He called this morning all shepish wanting to know about student loans because he intends on going to a 2 year college and get a degree in business..... Hummmmmmmmmmm realy??? He also said that he started working yesterday so money should be coming in... His court date for the drug charges (you know when he was arested for driving a bicycle drunk :bloodshot::wildone:.) is going to be this coming Tuesday... He was told this when he called his PO yesterday... ("the B***h did not bother calling me to let me know ahead of time ... and I will be tried as an adult..
    Great.. Just great!!!") ....
    ok so what part of this am I supposed to feel sorry for you for???? All of these situation are YOUR OWN FAULT !!!
    Enabling-G#^$%#*&a is in Michigan on summer vacation until Mid Sept...... I guess he can't get anything from her right now....
    He did say that he is safe at the place he is right now... he has a place to stay but must provide his own food.... "I have been living off Ramen noodles for a while now".... Well Duh...
    Andre did you know that a beginner helicopter repair person makes somewhere between 20 and $25 per hour????????
    Ready to self destruct any more??
    How far down do you think he will go before he actually does something about it...
    This :warrior:is standing by to watch... while I just go on with my life, and my family and my "littles" who DO take mommy and daddy's advice on things!!!
    Hugs to all of you who are lifting me up and keeping me courageous enough to stay dis-engage.......... :yourock:
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Go, Paula! Go, Paula! Its Your Day! You're Rocking! You're Strong!

    Hang Tough, Lady!