Hi there, I used to frequent this board quite a bit when my son was younger before the whole switchover. Just to give you a quick refresher.... My son is 11.5 yrs old. His doctors think he was probably born with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (an offshoot of autism), but at the age of 15 months old, he developed meningitis which left him profoundly deaf. Around 18 months old, I also noticed that his irritability had increased and he started having what I called "rages" at the time, we now call them meltdowns. It took me a while to get anyone to listen to me because they all wanted to chalk it up to the terrible twos. Finally, around age 3, we got a psychologist to listen to us, were routed to a neurologist and he's been on practically every medication made ever since trying to find the right combination. Hasn't happened yet. I have homeschooled him off and on because it is so hard to get an appropriate program for him in the public schools. The last several years, he has been in the public schools and up until this past year, he has done "ok." Without giving too much information, my son has been in a self contained room (one on one with an aid and a teacher) with mainstreaming in stuff like band, art, PE, lunchtime, etc. We have had frequent meltdowns where he destroyed his classroom, lashed out at his teacher or aid, very rarely at a child. At his last ARD meeting, I begged them to consider placing him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because I was worried that he might hurt someone who at some point would press charged against him. Of course they didn't think this was necessary. Last Wednesday, he struck his aide and she has decided to press charges. He was taken to the station in handcuffs, fingerprinted and booked and released to our custody. It doesn't look like she will be dropping the charges either so we are now searching for a lawyer and I am scared to death that my son is going to end up in juvenile detention. Despite all his problems and conditions, he has a very sweet heart and has a very innocent view of the world. Putting him in a juvenile detention center will be like throwing him to the wolves. I don't know what to do at this point. My husband and myself have been having marital troubles and have been doing everything we can to hold our marriage and ourselves together. I am worried that this will emotionally, financially, spiritually devastate us. I am beyond depressed, beyond lost. I must fantasize about taking my own life at least 10 times a day. Seriously fantasize about it where I go from beginning to end and think about every last detail. I would never take my own life of course because it wouldn't be fair to my husband and I couldn't leave my son to fend for himself, but I hate that I think about it as much as I do. I'm scared for my little boy. I gave up on my dreams for his future long ago, but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my life.