If your parents think they can handle the older one, let them. They will learn soon enough that its the kid and not the environment. He may be good for a short time but he will resort back to his ways soon enough.
If you dont want to do that the only other thing I can think for you to do is to put an alarm on your house and if it goes off because your kid is sneaking out at night, call the cops on him. Im pretty sure you guys have a curfew law up there which he is breaking. Also if he has got himself in trouble for this tagging incident, he will get put on probation which will get him a nice probation officer to tell him he has to obey certain rules. These rules will be a set standard of things such as go to school, maintain passing grades, obey parents, curfew, medication management...to name a few. The alarm could help there. If he is leaving you home when you tell him not to then he is breaking his probation.
thank you, my D/H feels he needs a good whoopin but I told him that will only make matters worse, although when I got smacked in the face, difficult child II was eating carpet until I calmed down and decided to get off of him. Sigh these are the days we'll remember??? LOL
Have you thought of the possibility that he's abusing drugs? Sleeping all day is a red flag for me since my daughter did that when she abused drugs. She was also up all night and often left the house, coming back before we even knew she was gone, since we were sleeping. She got into a lot of trouble before she cleaned up her act.
You know, if Grandma can handle difficult child, let her. There comes a time when the cycle of chaos within a home needs to be stopped. I'm for whatever it takes to stop the cycle that is continuing to build.
If it takes time at grandmas, calling 911 - whatever. This level of stress isn't good for your family, including your difficult child.
Hope you can find some peace; some way to resolve this.
My parents thought I was over exaggerating about my difficult child.
They thought they could do a better job because they were always at home and I had to work.
We enrolled him in a new school and moved him to Grandma's house.
He lasted two weeks
It did get them on my side in seeing what a huge problem I was having with difficult child.
My mom is now my strongest supporter.
My difficult child is such a charmer he had everyone convinced that I was the problem not him.
I agree with the others, you have to do what is right for you to be okay.
If that means sending difficult child to grandmas then I would do it.
Physical safety needs must be the first priority. Hitting you is NOT an acceptable thing, have you filed a police report?
I KNOW, firsthand, how unbelievably hard it is to turn your own child into the police. but in the long run he will learn that hitting gets you a stint in jail. This is what happens to adults. If he wants adult priveleges (sleeping all day, staying out all night, whatever) and wants to ignore his school responsibilities, then he needs adult consequences.
it really sounds like drugs are a part of it. Or severe instability mentally. He may need a new psychiatric evaluation to assess his mental health. It may be that ADHD is just the tip of the iceberg, or it may be something else entirely. Many of us, if not most, started out with a diagnosis of ADHD. Then we found that there was more going on.
You only have a few years to legally get this done. After age 18 he cannot be forced to undergo evaluation. Or treatment. But it may save his life to force the issue.
If the grandparents want him, let him go there. It probably won't last, but it might actually work. My oldest lives with my parents. It works. But they are retired teachers.
I cannot advise you strongly enough to call 911 the very next time he hits you or rages at you. Ask them to take him to a mental hospital if you think his mental state is part of the problem.
Hugs and all the support i can send. No matter what you choose to do. it is incredibly hard to parent our kids, and I fully understand that I don't know the entire situation. So whatever choices you make, remember I care and support you.
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand how hard it is when two difficult children act out at the same time. I agree with Susie that he probably needs another psychiatric evaluation.
Your difficult child sounds similar to my difficult child 1. difficult child 1 was also failing subjects in school, refusing to do anything I asked him, getting up in the middle of the night to use the internet, and letting me know that he was going to do whatever he wanted to do and there was no way I could stop him. He was also violent.
Finally, he spent a week in a psychiatric hospital and was thoroughly evaluated. When he was released, he spent three weeks in a partial hospitalization program. He slept at home and spent the day in outpatient therapy.
At the end of the three week period, he was given a new diagnosis - Aspbergers and Bipolar. It was heartbreaking for me but at least we now had the information we needed to help him and get our family life back in some sort of order.
As Linda said, there comes a point when you have to stop the cycle of chaos in your home. I'm not saying that your son has the same disorders that mine does. I just think that you need to have him evaluated asap.
Hang in there. I know how hard it is. Please take care of yourself. Hugs WFEN