I am sure you all are sick of hearing me complain about my job, but I can't help it sometimes. Every year it gets worse and worse. I am only 4 days back into the school year, and I am a nervous wreck. Not only is my job making me mentally sick, but I am getting physically sick as well. My IBS is acting up and I can't sleep. Things that did not happen in the summer time, so I know it's job related. This darned new medication they have me on is NO help. Actually, I am worse. Not only am I sleep deprived and anxious as hell, but I am also super irritable. I am running on the manic side but this time there is no euphoria. It is all dysphoric misery. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, and my therapist on Thursday. I don't have any high hopes they can help me. I have been trying darned near every medication and coping technique for years now, and instead of getting better, I am getting worse. I am sitting here at work counting down the minutes I can leave. That won't be for another hour and a half. Time is moving slowly and it's torture. My new therapist is well meaning, but so far not of much help. We have discussed in depth my anxieties over my job. After explaining to her how bad my anxiety gets over having to make a gazillion phone calls a day, the only advice she could give me was to "not take the parent's reactions personally." I already know not to take their hostility personally. The parents aren't really mad at me. They are mad at their kid, they are mad at themselves, and they are mad at the screwed up educational system. Knowing they are not upset at me in particular does not make the phone calls any easier. Then my therapist asked me to think of all the things that I actually like about my job. That's not easy. The very few things I did like about this job are being taken away from me. For starters, this year we do not have any student office helpers. The district decided to get rid of all non academic classes, excluding PE. Each class period I used to have two or three students up in the office helping me with calls, filing, etc. I really enjoyed interacting with them. As a matter of fact, I have kept in touch with quite a few of them over the years through facebook after they graduated. Now there's just me and my supervisor in our office and I rarely get to interact with the students anymore. Not only do I not get to interact with the students, but our new school principal has decided that all holiday decorations are "unprofessional" and we are no longer able to decorate. We used to go all out with the decorating with each and every holiday. No more. Our office is cold and plain looking. We have actually had a few teachers complain that without decorations our office looks drab and uniniviting, and I have to agree with them. But what can we do? The principal is our boss and we have to abide by his rules. Last but not least, I am no longer in charge of inputting tardies into the computer system this year. It used to be my job to input all the kids who were late to their classes into the computer. It was a monotonous job and was time consuming, but I rather enjoyed it. At least I was NOT making phone calls and I was keeping busy doing something that didn't make me anxious. This year it has been decided that the teachers will take over the responsibility of entering their own tardies. Makes sense, but still. I miss it. Now all my job consists of is a little bit of filing and a whole lot of phone calls. I hate it. I am already counting down the days till our next holiday, which isn't until November. My anxiety levels are at an all time high. Lack of sleep makes it even worse. Whenever I don't sleep at night, my panic attacks are horrendous the next day. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Suprisingly, my therapist has not suggested I look for another job. She thinks I can tough it out. I disagree with her. I need another job ASAP. I am constantly on the lookout for other jobs in other districts. Unfortunately what I am finding so far is either part time, or positions I am not qualified for. I am not giving up though. I will continue to look, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel hopeless. I need a miracle to happen ASAP. I can't continue to be absolutely miserable.