My Latest: About to take on temporary roommates. No, really, temporary ...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CrazyinVA, May 25, 2010.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    On Sunday, Youngest, her fiancé, and my 3 year old grandson are moving in, temporarily. Her fiancé messed around looking for just the right job (two months after his contract ran out), lost valuable time and money, their lease is up May 31st and they have no money for a security deposit, no steady paycheck, and nowhere to go. He now has a job, and his first paycheck should come in the next week or two. It is about half what he was making previously, but they will have to figure that out. I agreed to let them stay only temporarily until they can get into an apartment, once he has a couple paychecks under his belt. If my grandson wasn’t involved, and Youngest wasn’t just a few weeks away from delivering my granddaughter, it would not have happened, believe me. I’ve written up a contract to which they’ve agreed, very basic … I am willing to let them stay here rent free for 4 weeks, after that, they pay me per week towards utilities. (I think that’s pretty darned generous of me). I will say that I think they are pretty motivated to get out quickly, I don’t really think Youngest wants to be staying with me any more than I want it. There’s just no viable alternative at the moment. I really don't think it'll go much longer than a month. Honest, really, I don't. I pray.

    Youngest will likely deliver her baby while staying at my place, so I'll have a newborn in the house for awhile, too. Her pregnancy continues to be high-risk, and the last ultrasound showed that the baby’s limbs are not growing in proportion to the rest of her, and she is only in the 14th percentile. This is likely due to the seizure medications Youngest is on (Lamictal/Kepra), but not much choice there.. the risk of the weekly seizures she was having (before they added the Kepra), was greater than the risk of the side effects of the medications. I’m unclear as to just how “far behind” the limbs are, I don’t think it’s drastic, and they told her they think there’s a good chance the baby will “catch up” once she’s born and no longer exposed to the medications (Youngest won’t be breast feeding). I am going with her to her ultrasound appointment on Thursday and hope to ask my own questions. She is due July 8th, but they will likely induce at least 2 weeks before that. They want her to have weekly ultrasounds now until the baby is born, because of the complications.

    Being on the Lamictal for the seizures has had the benefit of evening out Youngest’s moods, since she was not taking any mood stabilizers prior to her pregnancy. (she was on Topomax for her seizures, but that has never worked as a mood stabilizer for her, Lamictal worked best). I have talked to her about the importance of staying on the medications post-partum, both because of seizures and because of her moods.. she is SO high risk for post-partum depression and exacerbation of her bipolar symptoms. She agrees as of now, but we will see. She’ll lose the Medicaid coverage she has, 6 weeks after the baby is born. I’m hoping she’ll get Rx coverage from the manufacturer, as she did with the Topomax before (it was covered 100% under the manufacturer’s program). She’s seeing a neurologist at the local (public) teaching hospital, and I hope she will be able to stay on with him.

    She has lost her Section 8 housing assistance, she voluntarily went off of it because she thought her fiancé would support her and she wouldn’t qualify anyway (foolish girl, you NEVER give that up) She also lost her child care assistance. Both programs have VERY long lists now, and even if she reapplied, she wouldn’t get them back for over a year. I just pray that the fiancé gets his act together and they get control of their budget.

    I am not dreading the thought of them living with me, quite as much as the mere idea of it did a few months ago. Because things are so complicated for her, and her health and the baby's is on the line, I just resigned myself to the fact that this was what was best for now. It’s only temporary, and I really believe that. I just pray that things aren’t too complicated with her baby… quite honestly I’m trying not to think too much about it. I’ll deal with whatever happens, when it happens.

    Oldest is still working, still paying her rent on time, and has been downright pleasant lately. She was a huge help to me during my recent move, in fact. Amazing what offering her a few free meals will do ;-)
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sometimes we do what we have to do. I hope that this can be a relatively pleasant time for all of you. Esp Gma who gets to spoil her grandson anytime she wants now, and both grandkids after the baby is born!!! When we lived with my parents while husband was in grad school my dad created the "Grandfather Clause". If he wanted to do something with one or more of the kids and I wasn't really for it, he would invoke the Grandfather Clause. Things like taking the kids out for ice cream after dinner so they are a few minutes late getting ready for bed, or sneaking some veggie they both didn't like off the plate and then Gpa praised the child for eating them first. NONE of us were ever fooled, and it was only on small stuff.

    It was kind of fun for all of us.

    Whatever ends up happening, it is really neat to be able to spend this time with them, esp the grands. You will end up being so close to them.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the "The left but they came rubber-banding back" club! I will move the boxes from the liquor store and the banana boxes. Got a ton of those things left over. Oh ignore the boy wearing underwear and shorts pulled down to his hips...thats just Cory.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    CIV -

    Well....congratulations? Um....Rubber Band Clan....Rubber Band Clan.(song in my head now thanks Janet)

    It sounds like you have things under control. And in a month you will be a Grandma to a precious newborn. That's wonderful. I remember the conversations in the beginning about this wee one, what a loved little angel she is.

    So....proud of YOU.....hang in there......sending you strength and ear plugs.

    Hugs & love