My son always in trouble

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by magi, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. magi

    magi New Member

    Hi All,
    I am new here and struggling with my 16 year old son. He has become a behavior problem and I don't know what to do.
    I feel like my son is always in trouble, either at home, in school or with the police. He does stupid things that he thinks are funny or no big deal or without thinking. Over the summer, my son and 2 of his friends climbed onto a parked ice cream truck that was parked outside his friends house and each stole an ice cream . They all knew it was worng but didn't think it a big deal. They were charged with burglary & theft, his is on probation for this. Today in school, he stood up, turned toward wall, when he turned back around, he had his finger thru his fly, imitating penis,The class as well as himself thought it was funny. Not the teacher. He was charged with lewdness. When the police asked him about this he said he didn't know it was a crime he was joking and didn't even know what lewdness means.
    He just never thinks before he acts. He will be expelled and sent to alternative school.
    I feel all I do is worry about him. Lawyer said none of these are crimes of the century, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Do you think this behavior is related to some form of disorder or disability. I know tourettes(tic disorder) as well as ADD are impulse disorders, but I don't think this is because of impulsiveness, am I wrong?
    I would appreciate any suggestions.
    Thank you
  2. Bean

    Bean Member

    Hi Magi, welcome. I'm new here, too.

    Are there issues at home that are troubling as well? Like he can't sit still, fidgety, trouble sleeping, violent, drug use -- anything like that?

    Both incidents you listed to me seem pretty benign. I mean, no, they aren't desired and they are a PITB to deal with. But 30 years ago they would have been a smack on the back of the head and a trip to the Principal's office to sit in a chair (the finger waggle). Now they are practically a sex offender for something like that. I don't agree with it, personally. Bigger fish to fry.

    I have a son who I consider pretty darn normal who gets goofy at school and does some silly things, but they certainly don't rise to the level of Phone Call Emergencies that the school treats them as. I don't know if he goes to a public school, but we live in a rather large city and I don't want to spend much time in those schools and KNOW there's no way I could handle being in one. They are out of control. But sometimes I think they focus on those littler things because of "no tolerance" - and forget about the bigger issues.

    Anyway, that's just my little rant on schools. :)

    I know it isn't fun to get those phone calls, and can sympathize with you on that. How are his grades? Is he skipping? Is he generally a pleasurable kid to be around, or are you struggling at home? (Kind of sounds like you are)
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Yep, this can be the ADHD and a strong desire to fit in (maybe some Aspergers or immaturity thrown in). He sounds like my son.
  4. magi

    magi New Member

    Thnk you for responding- My son is a handful at home sometimes. Sometimes he is great. He gets along great with his sisters, passsing all his classes, and usually has a great personality,very funny, his teachers love him.
    Then once he gets angry at home,he gets really angry, throws things, punches walls, breaks things and usually storms out of the house and dosn't come back till next day or day after. If he gets mad outside or in school, he mouths off, which usually maakes things worse.
    He smokes weed, so far that is all( i'm pretty sure because we drug test him.) He is extremly impulsive and immature.
    I know that with the school incident he really didn't know he was commiting a crime, or that he would be suspended or expelled for it. He was just trying to be funny again without thinking befor acting.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, here's my take.

    I think there might be some social disconnect if he didn't realize that what he did was at least as very serious offense at school. My son has Aspergers and even he would know you just can't do that. Has he ever been tested by a neuropsychologist? Also, I had a daughter who took drugs. Not all of them are detectable by drug tests. in my opinion weed alone affects you, but my guess is he is also experimenting with other, bigger drugs. That's probably what the raging is all about. Nothing sets off a good rage like coming down from meth or certain other drugs that he probably doesn't use all the time. I don't know for sure that he is using other drugs, of course, but I'd be surprised if he wasn't, or at least drinking, and the drinking may have a bad effect on him. Is he in any sort of drug counseling for the weed?

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.
  6. Bean

    Bean Member

    OK, that paints a wee bit different picture. :)

    I think boys, especially, can sometimes be a bit more disconnected and not realize that their "pranks" sometimes carry heavy consequences. Part of that might just be defiance. Like, he understands that it is wrong but he doesn't agree that it is "as wrong" as it is made out to be. So it might be a combination of defiance as well. Kind of his way for thumbing his nose at authority and asserting himself. Unfortunately, as many of us know - Difficult Child tend to assert themselves in ways that aren't as socially acceptable. Heck, even PCs make mistakes not realizing the larger picture.

    But the rages, drug use, running away and impulse stuff is an issue, obviously (sounds like my Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD)!!!) How long has it been going on for you?
  7. magi

    magi New Member

    I have always had problems with him , with his add (not medicated) he was always unfocused, and getting into things, touching things he wasn't supposed to, disruptive in class. He is class clown, always doing pranks. I think this is because he feels that he needs to do this for people to like him.
    I had him in counseling but he doesn't think he needs counseling and wouln't go or speak if he went so it was unproductive. If he was using other drugs like meth, or other hard drugs would it be easy for me to see he was high? what should I look out for?
    I have not had him evaluated by neuro-psychiatric but I am going to look for one,maybe there is more going on than I think.
    He is now on probation,so I assume they will drug test him. will all drugs be detectable on this test?
  8. Bean

    Bean Member

    Magi, it's hard, detecting drug use. For us, our daughter would turn into a zombie. All she admitted to was smoking pot, and it was HEAVY MJ use. She stunk, she was like a shell of a person. I never found it in her room ever. I did find empty liquor bottles, though, and beer cans. She came home drunk. The way it sounds like things are going, you have every right to go through his room while he is at school to look for signs of drug use.

    Right now my daughter is on probation and rarely is she drug tested. It is absolutely ridiculous. The PO she got is just shameful and does her absolutely no good whatsoever.
  9. magi

    magi New Member

    Thanks bean- I do search my sons room often and have never found anything (yet) and I will continue to check often. Most of the time his behavior is fine and sometimes I can't believe its the same child.
    I have made an appointment for a neuro psychiatric test, maybe that will give me some insight.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe I missed it, but is he on medication for ADD/ADHD or anything like that now? And if so, what kind of doctor is rx'ing it?
  11. magi

    magi New Member

    No his is not medicated for his ADD- he also has a tic disorder(one Dr. said mild case of tourettes) so the ADD medications we tried made tics much worse. He is able to pass his classes - his classes are all mainstream with 2 teachers in the classroom. But his behavior is a problem. I wish there was medication for that.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I would recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation plus an MDE afterwards- if you can get it. He's got something going on with him. It might or might not be all psychiatric but if you get these evaluations, it should shed some light. In the meantime, even though this book is written a little mmore for kids younger than yours, it might help to read "The explosive child" by Ross Greene. I don't follow it to a "T" because like I say, the actual method works a little better with younger children, but the concept is still enlightening and very helpful in regards to keeping sanity as a parent. I honestly believe that your son has more going on than just being "a bad kid" and he needs some help- whether it's psychiatric needing medications, or psychological (his thinking pattern), etc, or a combination, I don't know. I'm sure it's streneous on you, too, so try to hang in there and just pursue evaluation's for him while he is still a minor and you can. That's just my 2 cents!
  13. jenniebri913

    jenniebri913 New Member

    It's amazing to me how readily everyone wants to medicate a human for everything... 40 yrs ago.. it was a child... that needed discipline.... not a pill.... ugh..