My step son hates me and his brothers

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hehatesus, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. hehatesus

    hehatesus New Member

    Hello, I am new to this site. I've literally exhausted the internet trying to find help and support from others. My family is awesome! We just have one small issue. My step son B hates all of us except his dad. About a year and half ago we won full custody of mg husbands boys because the oldest wanted to live with us. B made it very clear HE DID NOT!! because of his age and courts not wanting to separate the kids he came too. B never has adjusted to living with us. His grades improved dramatically but we also got him help. He has ADHD and is now awaiting a psychological evaluation to determine conduct disorder. Our lives have been short of living in hell. I love B with all my heart and soul but he rejects me and his brothers all the time. He is abusive to his brothers and manipulates me. We have 4 boys and we show them equal attention. But lately B has made it to where he gets it all or no one is getting any attention. I used to take 1 boy a weekend and do a special few hours with them. They all loved this. But it had to stop because of B. B went back to his mom and said I bruised him from hitting him. The only reason she didn't believe it was because his dad had caught him doing the bruises to himself that were later blamed on me. He has even come up to me and said work out an agreement with dad so my mom and dad can get back together and he can still see the other boys. He's told me I'm horrible. But then when he wants attention he comes to me. I have done what I can to eliminate myself from his antics so he gets mad that he has little to go on to cause problems. He also is a bully. He bullies all of his brothers older and younger. His favorite to pick one is O who he never liked to begin with. B is 10 and O is 3. O can be playing with his toys saying nothing to anyone and B will go over and just start beating on him. B has even tried to choke O and has hit O with several objects of force. It has come to the point B can no longer live here with us and we are making an agreement with his mom for him to go be with her again. Were hoping since this is what he wants and seems to be more at ease there that his therapy and living there will help him learn to handle his disorders. At his moms its not ideal but he will be the only child and hopefully that will ease his need for constant attention because she can give it. Were just at a loss as how to help him. He doesn't want us to be a part of his life. In fact he'd rather we just disappeared and never saw us again. But were not going anywhere. Were just not allowing his issues to become his brothers issues cause he using them for a punching bag for anything. If this does not work we will be back to the drawing board. But any parents out there been dealing with this long enough to have results ? We need realistic views of expected outcomes.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Before I give any feedback, I need to know how were this child's first three years. Any chaos? Changes in caregivers? Abuse in the house? Abuse against him? Did bio. mom have many boyfriends who could have abused him?

    Personlly, I feel that if he is upsetting your life and that of his brothers and wants to live with mom, it makes no sense not to let him even if it's off the record. He sounds like he suffers from some attachment problems, but, of course, he would have to be evaluated. Sounds worse than ADHD to me. Is O, by any chance, YOUR child? That may be why he picks on him the most, besides that he is the youngest. He could harm him. I'd be very careful and afraid. Does he in any way talk or act sexual? I really would try to get him back with his mom. He is dangerous to his siblings in an "off the charts" way.

    Welcome to the board. Sorry you had to come here.
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2013
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I also agree that if he wants to go back to live with his mom you should let him. Until then, I would not leave him alone with O. If O gets hurt because you've turned your back, even for just a second, your will never forgive yourself.

    What does his mom say about his behavior? Does she see it, or does he only behave like this when he is with his father and you? Does she support your getting him help for his ADHD? Does she agree that he has problems? This is more than ADHD, in my humble opinion, but you need to have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist to know for sure. Would his mother go along with something like that? Who diagnosed the ADHD?

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was going to suggest having him go back to mom's house. Good job. Trying something new never hurts. Toy should all agree it is for a specific amount of time with no possibility of changing it on his desires.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I'm sorry, I don't understand why letting him live at mom's would have been viewed as a problem by the courts? It seems like Mom's house is the best solution all the way around. B is happy. Mom is OK with it. Siblings are happy.

    You gotta go with what works!